What's your sickest joke?

[Bikkie]

According to some "report" from some controlled mainstream institute, apparently 2022 was "the worst year" for bigotry against Trans people.

Personally I'd like to see what would happen to send any of these dress-wearing grooming faggots back to the year 1590 or so, and see if anything else happens to them besides just getting tied to a post and set on fire instantly.



We used to spend all winter praying the central heating never broke down.

Now we spend all winter praying it does.





Due to the current high cost of energy, the light at the end of the tunnel has been switched off.




Despite the criticisms, Sam Smith's extremely faggoty new music video of him prancing around in a lace onesie has for him been a resounding success.

He's even now the overwhelming favorite in the betting odds to take over as the next woke Bond.



I just went for a job interview in the fuel industry. They asked me what experience I have. I explained that I regularly go out robbing people in broad daylight.

I start tomorrow


Apparently the Queen advised Prince Andrew to take on some charity work to 'clear his name'.

Ow's about that, then?


I referred to pop star Sam Smith as 'him' on Twitter, and they sent me a Tweet criticising me for using the wrong pronoun.

So I replied, 'Sorry, dude.'

[Piper]

The Principality Stadium
have banned choirs from
singing Delilah by Tom
Jones

Why why why


The Welsh Rugby Union
has ordered the 1968 Sir
Tom Jones hit Delilah
to be removed from its
Principality Stadium
choirs song list on the eve
of the 2023 Six Nations.
Gareth Thomas would
probably like them to
adopt West End Girls by
The Pet Shop Boys.


Women just need to tell
their story.
Men need to prove theirs.


People who say they're
high on life have obviously
never done business with
My drug dealer.


Researchers have
concluded that there are
four types of drunks :

The Hemingway - their
personality stays the
same.

The Mary Poppins - they
become even sweeter and
more outgoing.

The Nutty Professor - they
become an uninhibited
attention - seeker.

The Mr Hyde - they
become hostile.

Well, when I have a skinful
I usually just stumble
around talking crap and
getting on everyone's
nerves, then piss my
trousers.

So I guess I'm a
Hemingway.

[Bikkie]

Once on Netflix, my wife wanted to watch Brokeback Fucking Mountain, saying that "Heath Ledger is studly".... It wasn't long before I said "this is the gayest fucking thing I've ever seen", and my wife said, "Oh come darling, it's so touching and romantic !"

"You can't be fucking serious.... Every single time I've done the exact same thing and flipped your fat arse over and only used spit as lube before repeatedly fucking you up the duff, all you did was scream so fucking loud that you woke up the whole neighbourhood."



Gary Glitter couldn?t stay out of M&S when he saw the advertising.

Children?s pants half off.




Well done Sam Smith on your album 'Gloryhole'... I mean 'Gloria' getting to number 1.




I asked Tom Jones if his songs getting banned was a rare occurrence, he said "it's not unusual."





So Tom Jones has been banned from singing Delilah.

Good, at his age he should be smoking some green green grass at home.

[Bikkie]

It's amazing how quickly technology improves.

When I was in high school we didn't even have mobile phones and yet now I can wear a bracelet that tells the police if I leave the house.


US intelligence found out the spy balloon was called Wong Wei.



NEWS: "Prince Harry lost his virginity to a female digger driver"

It's been downhill for him since then...

Digger driver to spade.


So the Doctor said I must arrive on a full bladder..

Friggin weirdo - I'll be arriving on the bus !



The Americans are moaning about a Chinese balloon being in their air space but to be fair the Chinese had a big orange balloon in theirs in 2017.

I heard this doctor describing the entire coronavirus response somehow as "a success."

I questioned "How can this be," until I considered they were actually successful doing their real objective, chemoing the big orange tumour right out of the White House.


My girlfriend calls me 'Johnny Rotten'

I'm not into Punk rock i just keep using the same condom.


Any woman who thinks they have to be good looking to be successful, only has to have a look at that Sam Smith bird

[Piper]

You know when you are
at that stage in your
marriage when the wife
says,
"Your on a promise this
weekend"
And you're thinking, "I
hope it's a mixed grill."


My wife said, "You never
listen to me, you only hear
what you want to hear"
I said, "Sure I'll have a beer"


How can you tell if
It's your turn to do the
laundry?

1.Look down your pants.

2.Do you have a penis?

3.Yes,its not your turn.


Grammar lesson:

Lose=Opposite of win

Loose=Your mum.


What's the difference
between Dubai and Abu
Dhabi?
The people in Dubai don't
like the Flintstones, but
the people in Abu Dhabi
do.


Wives are funny
creatures, they don't
have sex with their
husbands for weeks
and then want to kill
the woman that does.


A psychiatrist was conducting
a group therapy session with
three young mothers and
their small children.

"You all have obsessions." he
observed.
To the first mother, he said,
"You are obsessed with eating.
You've even named your daughter
Candy."
He turned to the second mum.
"Your obsession is money.
Again, it manifests itself in
your child's name
Penny."
At this point, the third mother
got up, took her little boy and
whispered, "Come on Dick, lets
go."


I've just been kicked out of
the community BBQ and
arrested. I
misunderstood when the
wife said she wanted Daddy's
sauce in her buns.


I walked into a pub carrying a
ukulele and some fella said,
"You know you look like a
penis"?
"You hum it I'll play it"
I replied.


When I was a baby, my
parents used to bath me
in cheap Australian larger.
It wasn't until I was 18
that I realised I'd been
Fostered.


What's the difference
between a dwarf and a
midget?
Very little.


I was wondering why there
are so many vampires in
Europe, but not in Africa.
And then I realised,
Vampires are killed by holy
water. They bless the rains
down in Africa.


I had these religious people
knock on the door who warned
me with complete seriousness
that I could be at risk of "spending
eternity with the Antichrist."
"Too late, I already fucking
married it.".

What's dog shit and women
got in common?
The older they get the easier
they are to pick up.


We know the spy balloon
wasn't German, because
it would've been red and
99 of them.

[Piper]

Happy Black History Month
to the most successful
African-American in history.
Elon Musk!


Black History.
More like criminal records.

[Piper]

Prince Harry's book reveals
he lost virginity to older
women.
It makes a nice change
that at least one of the
Royals like older women,
Charles and Phillip were
suspiciously best friends
with Jimmy Saville and
Andrew openly like them
underage.


What's the difference
between an American and
a computer?
American's don't have
troubleshooting.




My mate said that the
Jehovah's Witnesses
came to his house
today and gave him a
Watchtower.
Well that's his lookout.


I was walking home from
work tonight when I saw
a fight between an illegal
immigrant and a known
paedophile...
... it was Alien V Predator.


One of the Pins on my
watch broke this morning
so I went to the repair
shop to get it fixed, The
sales assistant asked
whether I wanted to try a
new Strap-on.
I thought, that's a bit
forward of her.


Anyone seen the new scat
version of Sister Act?
It's called "Runs on The
Nun."


I can tell a lot by the way
women walk
They usually walk away
when I asked them out!!!


Last night ;I was totally
lost in the dragon of
Darkness...
That's the last time I go
into the mother-in-law's
handbag.


Boss:" You've been late
for work three times this
week. Do you know what
that means?"

Me:" It's Wednesday? "


My nan texted me with
the message, Do you
want to come over to have
tea together then later, a
wank in the park??
Fucking predictive text
she meant dark not park.

[Piper]

The paraplegic Olympics are being
held in London this year, and in order
to help visitors the organisers have
published a leaflet containing
cockney rhythming slang for the
disabled.

bacon rind=bland

canary wharf =dwarf

cardiral Wolseley "cerebral palsy

raspberry ripple=cripple

wasps and bees=amputees

tulips and roses=multiple sclerosis

diet Pepsi =epilepsy

benny and the jets=tourettes

watch your wallet =black cunt.


They see me Rowlin'
They/Them hatin'


If tomorrow you woke
up as the opposite sex -
what's the first thing you
would do?
If it were me I would play
with my tits for a while _
then see if i could still
park my car..


Dad, I need help with my
homework. What's critical
Race Theory?
You know how prisoners
form into gangs based on
race and religion, son? It's
that.


Just replied to an ad
offering me hot sex with
local older women.
Should be interesting. I am
86.


So the Doctor said I must
arrive on a full bladder.
Friggin weirdo-I'll be
arriving on the bus!


News: strip club in Las
Vegas offering Mother's
Day dinner special.
When asked what they
do for Father’s Day, the
strippers said, "what are
father's?


There's a guy at work who
has one leg shorter than
the other, which causes
his head to bob from side
to side. They call him" The
Snipers nightmare.


A Fox News contributor
said he was amazed the
FBI had targeted Catholics
as radical extremists.
Wonder if he's ever heard
of Guy Fawkes.


New studies show that
95% OF kids in Liverpool
had ADD. All Different
Dad's.


No wonder bats are a
protected species.
The prince of darkness
Ozzy Osbourne keeps
biting their heads off.


I was in the cinema last
night when a stunning
girl came over, leaned
suductively on the empty
seat next to me and said,
"Is this taken?"
"No", I replied, "Top Gun
Maverick."

[Piper]

Beware of Valentine’s
Day scams out there. I
ordered my wife some
jewellery and they sent me
a fucking fishing rod!


Me and my girlfriend were
walking through town, and
as we passed The really
fancy restaurant she said,
"Oh my god! The food
smells amazing in there!"
I thought fuck it, it's
Valentine's Day.
So we walked past it
again.


Valentine's Day is the day
that the
"V" and "D" come
together...


Managed to book a table
for two on Valentine's Day.
I hope my Wife likes
snooker.


Looking for a bit of advice
for a friend.
What's the best number
of number
of Roses to give a wife for
Valentine's Day? -
A single? 6? 12? 24?
Or has it got to be the
whole tin?




Just watched the Brit
Awards
Note to Sam Smith : Never
wear the Gimp outfit on
enchilada night.

[Piper]

I was going to stay up
late last night to watch
the Super Bowl, but I
remembered one very
important thing - It's shite.


An award-winning German
Ballet director has been
suspended after smearing
dog faeces on a critic's
face for giving him a bad
review.
If I had to sit through three
hours of fucking ballet, I'd
want to be shitfaced too.


I just wasted a load of
money on balloons for my
daughter's birthday party!
"Why, didn't she like
them?"
No the USA army showed
up and shot them to
pieces.


The Valentine's card is
written, the present is
wrapped and the flowers
are in a beautiful vase.
Now I just need to make
sure the wife doesn't see
them;in case she thinks
they're for her.

[Piper]

15 February today, so
the TWO genders can now
get back to hating each other


Valentine's Day this year
has come and gone and
that explains all these
"Roses are red, violets are
blue..." jokes on here : I get
that. But I have a question :
Why the fuck are violets
blue and not violet?

[Bikkie]

Chinese balloons remind me of niggers dad's.
They don't come back.



It's been announced under the umbrella of non binary labelling that Manchester United and Manchester City will now be called Themchester United and Themchester City



Tiger Woods can?t say much about driving like a woman





My girlfriend and sister have the same name and it's so annoying.

Every time we have sex, I think of my girlfriend.



What happens to your body when you fast?

You gets there quicker, yo.




Butler: "Sir, you forgot to send your Valentine a card"

Prince Andrew: "No point old boy.
She's in Key Stage 1 & can't read"




Sam Smith's strong singing voice is down to sucking Fisherthems Friends.


Most Bobcats are not named Bob.

Like Tomcats.

Most of those aren't named Bob, either.



The BBC reported that Muslim parents are withdrawing children from Music Lessons because their beliefs forbid them from learning music.
The British Government has therefore issued a new list of songs that are acceptable to Muslims :-
*Halal (Is It Meat You're Looking For), by Lionel Richie
*They Tried To Mecca Me Go To Jihad (But I Said No, No, No), by Amy Winehouse
*The Ayatollah of the Tiger, by Survivor
*The Way You Mecca Me Feel, by Michael Jackson
*Anything by 80's pop group Qu'ran Qu'ran
*The Meccarana
*Fatwah-Bottomed Girls, by Queen
*Itsy Bitsy Teenie Weenie Yellow Polka Dot Burqini
*Something in the Way Shia Moves, by James Taylor
*Allah Do Anything For Love (But I Won't Do That), by Meatloaf.




In the movie Inception (2010), Leonardo DiCaprio has a wife around the same age as him, proving that the whole thing was just a dream.

If the whole world is a stage, then where the fuck are the audience supposed to sit?



Sam Smith identifying as non-binary.

Translation.

I cant get into the Ladies or the Gents wearing this suit.

[Piper]

'Tea plantation manages
in Kenya demanding sex
for work'
I'd rather have a cup of
tea.


What do you get if you
cross an octopus with a
black man?
One hell of a cotton picker.


If there's one thing the lack
of diversity at the BAFTAs
has taught us, its that
black people are as bad
as directing as they are at
acting.


Some toilet rolls are
gently fragranced with
chamomile.
Must be for gays, to relax
their arseholes.

"Would you drive 5
minutes for a blow job?"
said a pop-up ad on
Pornhub
Well, I thought, if the
Proclaimers can walk 500
miles...

[Bikkie]

It's a bloody disgrace, all these so-called 'non-binary' pop stars nowadays. What is our society coming to?

In my day David Bowie, Marc Bolan and Rod Stewart would've chased the lot of 'em right out of town. Back in the good old days we understood the difference between men and women.





Did you know that 75% of Japanese men over the age of 60 have cataracts?

The rest drive Rincolns.




"A little bit of Monica in my life
A little bit of Erica by my side
A little bit of Rita's all I need
A little bit of Tina's what I see
A little bit of Sandra in the sun
A little bit of Mary all night long
A little bit of Jessica, here I am
A little bit of you makes me your man"


Recovered from David Fuller's last clipboard

[Piper]

What do the 50th anniversary
release of Dark Side Of The Moon
and Gay Pride Month
have in common?
It's all about the money.


Dave Gilmour and Nick
Mason were walking down
the road in London one
day in 1972 and saw a
mad nigger with his arse
hanging out of a window.
The rest as they say is
history.