My wife said” Let’s play doctors & nurses to add a bit of spice to our lives” So I put her on a trolley & left her in the corridor for a couple of days.


Hull v Bristol City held up due to a squirrel on the pitch

Tottenham are hopeful of signing it time for the north London derby tomorrow



The Dalziel and Pascoe reboot will see its iconic male duo replaced by two female leads.

That'll be great. When their periods sync up, they'll be just as angry as Dalziel once a month.



So,the other night,my girlfriend said "Tonight I want you to do something really kinky,anything,like,disgustingly kinky "
Naturally, I agreed.
In the morning she said,"I thought you going to do something really kinky last night?" Her face a picture of disappointment....
"I did" I replied, "I shat in your trainers...."



My girlfriend says she's afraid to walk through the streets of London alone at night.

To be fair to her, so am I. And I never eat fried chicken while doing so.