If I were a ghost, I would haunt people by knocking on their door as soon as they started to masturbate.



The US carrying on this war in Iran is more likely to cause a regime change in the States rather than Iran.



Lily Phillips says she wants to reconnect with her Christian

She'll have 1200 guys go down on her and call it 'The Last Supper'.



The workers on BBC'S Repair Shop programme refused to repair Bob Monkhouse's joke books because the humour they contain, made them feel uncomfortable.

As a NHS consultant, I would like the same option when the BBC's favourite unfunny DEI comedienne has an appointment.




It's disgusting that boys who identity as girls were allowed to join the Girl Guides in the first place

I mean, they don't even have any Beavers




I've just banged Shania Twain

Any good?

Nah. It didn't impress me much



My wife found some new feminist club and she said, "I'm going to it," and I replied "No you're not".... and she stormed back "Why exactly the fuck not ?"

"My car's in the body-shop and the only thing left in the garage is the old stickshift."




Donald Trump has compared himself to Elvis Presley.

Can't see it myself.

And besides, being full of shit actually resulted in Elvis's death.



Of course every penis looks micro when you're nothing but a giant Cunt.



What kind of glutinous arshole do you have to be to honk at a drive through?



Transgender girls have until September to leave the girl guides.

The lesbos in charge said "We have a right to only molest underage girls without dicks. Send those faggots back to the queers at the boy scouts."



My daughter got mad because I "prejudicially" cross the street to avoid black men, and she said "It's just image and perception that black people appear to be more violent."

"You're definitely right.... that one up there ahead of us is waving a knife."



This fat black lady doing "equity training" got livid with me and she said I kept finding ways to mention fruits like "Watermelons" in to everything I said, to try and imply she should "go back and live in the jungle.'

"All right... don't go Bananas."