What's your sickest joke?

[Sensei]

Q -Why did the Maori swap his wife for a Rubbish bin ?
A - The hole was smaller & smelt better !

[WRT]

Wanted: Small Black for mudguard. Must be flexible and willing to travel.

[miSTa]

Q: What is the difference between a catholic priest and acne?
A: Acne waits until your 13 to come on your face

[Swoop]

Just to link the terrorist thread with the sick jokes thread...

[Qkchk:Me]

A guy picks up a girl in a bar, brings her home, and they start getting it on. He starts sucking on one of her tits and milk comes out.

He says, "Hey, are you pregnant?"

She says, "That wasn't a nipple, that was a boil."

[Qkchk:Me]

These two starving bums are walking through an alley when one of them sees a dead cat. He runs over, sits down and starts to eat the cat, tearing the meat from its limbs. The says to the other bum, "Hey, I know you're hungry, too. Why don't you eat some of this cat?"

"Hell no!!!" replies the second bum, "That cat's been dead for days, he's all stiff and cold and smelly!"

The first bum says, "Okay, suit yourself," and continues to eat everything, skin, muscle, guts, all but the skeleton.

A few hours later as they are walking down the street the first bum says, "Oh, I don't feel so good. I think there might have been something wrong with that cat."

And just then, he pukes up a huge puddle of rotten cat flesh and guts with stomach bile mixed in, all half digested and looking like mush.

The second bum sits down next to the puddle and says, "Now you're talkin'! It's been months since I had a WARM meal!!!"

[Coyote]

A guy picks up a girl in a bar, brings her home, and they start getting it on. He starts sucking on one of her tits and milk comes out.

He says, "Hey, are you pregnant?"

She says, "That wasn't a nipple, that was a boil."

She wins, that's the sickest thing I've heard

[Qkchk:Me]

A guy walks into a whorehouse and tells one of the girls he wants a blowjob. The girl takes him to a room and proceeds suck him off without a condom. While she does so, the guy sees a half-full bucket of sperm beside the bed.

He disregards the strange site as he enjoys the best blowjob of his life. A second later, he shoots long lines of semen into her mouth. She takes every drop, but instead of swallowing, she spits the cum into that damned bucket.

The guy wonders aloud, "Don't like swallowing spuzz, huh?"

She wipes her mouth and replies, "Another girl and I have a bet. Whoever fills up a bucket first gets to drink both buckets."

[Qkchk:Me]

A pub landlord is shutting up for the night when there is a knock at the door. When he answers, a Tramp asks him for a tooth-pick. He gives him the toothpick and the tramp goes off.

A few minutes later there is a second knock. When he answers, there is a second Tramp who also asks for a toothpick. He gets his toothpick and off he goes.

There is a third knock at the door, and a third Tramp. The landlord says, "Don't tell me, you want a toothpick too."

"No, a straw," says the Tramp.

The landlord gives him a straw but is curious as to why he wants it, so he asks the Tramp why he wants a straw and not a toothpick.

To which the Tramp replies, "Some bloke just threw up outside but all the good stuff's gone already".

[kro]

Farmer Brown is feeling horny, and decides to get it on with the sheep he is shearing, he gets halfway thru the act, and his wife walks in and without skipping a beat she says " this is the pig I've been fucking, Farmer brown says " its a sheep, not a pig", Mrs Brown says " I was talking the the goddamn sheep, idiot!!".

[Qkchk:Me]

A guy says to his wife, "I'm in the mood for some 69."

She says, "It's that time of the month, but if you don't care, I don't care."

They go into the bedroom, and are 69'ing like mad dogs when the doorbell rings.

She says, "Answer the door."
He says, "But my face is a mess."
She says, "It's just the postman. Answer the door, and if he says anything, just tell him you were eating a jam sandwich."

He opens the door and says, "I'm sorry about my mouth, I was eating a jam sandwich."

The mailman says, "I wasn't looking at the jam on your mouth...I was looking at the peanut butter on your forehead."




Bruce comes home one day and says to his lover, "Please do me a favor. It feels like something's stuck up my ass. Could you check it out for me?"

His roommate lubes up his finger (mercifully) and shoves it up Bruce's ass, feeling all around, and says, "I don't feel anything."

Bruce says, "Trust me, there's something up there. Try lubing up your whole hand and checking it out."

So his roommate lubes his whole hand and sticks it up Bruce's ass. He feels around, and then pulls out a Rolex watch.

He says, "I found your problem. There was a watch stuck up your ass."

Bruce starts singing, "Happy birthday to you, happy birthday to you..."

http://www.insultmonger.com/jokes/sick_jokes_4.htm

[miSTa]

A guy picks up a girl in a bar, brings her home, and they start getting it on. He starts sucking on one of her tits and milk comes out.

He says, "Hey, are you pregnant?"

She says, "That wasn't a nipple, that was a boil."

ewwwwwwwwww, now that's going to be hard to beat

[hXc]

Dirty joke: OMGWTFBBQ fell in the mud
Clean joke: OMGWTFBBQ had a shower
Sick joke: OMGWTFBBQ threw up

[Goblin]

There was a young lady named Mary
Whose cunt was incredibly hairy
She fell down in the fog, and was raped by a dog
who thought she was Hairy McLeary.



So there I was, Speights in one hand, trousers round my ankles, cock in her mouth, balls slappin her chin and I thought to myself......What a great beer!!



Two queers living together...one morning one of them catches the other wanking into a comdom. "what are you doing?" he asks. "Oh just packing your lunch."

[Swoop]

Two gays living in the same house.
One minces off to "have a bath".
Later, the other notices that some time has gone by and goes to find him.
Gay #1 is still in the bath - but randomly pushing several turds under the water.
Gay #2: "what are you doing sweety?" (said with lisp)
Gay #1: "teaching our babies to swim of course!"