What's your sickest joke?

[Juniper]

An airborne soldier is home visiting his parents after training and he is sitting around the table with his dad. His dad asks his son how his training went. The soldier says it all went well except for his very first static line jump. His dad asks what happened. “Well” the son says, “We were up in the airplane, all ready to go. The green light comes on and I just freeze. After everyone has left the airplane, the jump Sergeant comes over to me and tells me, that I better get the fuck out of this airplane or he’ll fuck me up the ass!” The dad is shocked, but says, “So son, did you jump?” the soldier smiles, “Yes, but only a little at 1st!”

[Juniper]

I went to Dubai recently on holiday and I was offered 20 Camels in exchange for my wife. I don't actually smoke but I thought fuck it, best offer I'm likely to get.

[Juniper]

I was watching a movie with my son last night when a sex scene came on.

"Alright Mathew, it's about time you went to bed," I said.

"But Dad, I'm 18," he protested.

"I don't care," I said. "You're not watching me wank."

[Juniper]

I came home from the pub extremely drunk last night and as I staggered down the driveway I noticed that my wife was standing on the doorstep in her dressing gown.

"Look at the state of you. All of the neighbours are probably looking, you're an embarrassment! Put some fucking makeup on." I said.

[Juniper]

I saw this guy sniffing the floor earlier and was intrigued to know why he was doing it.

"Excuse me mate, why are you sniffing the floor?" I asked

"Fuck off!" Came the reply

"That's a bit rude" I replied "I only wanted to know why you was sniffing the floor."

Then I was chucked out the mosque.

[Juniper]

In a recent poll, 40% of black men said their favourite position was the reverse cowgirl.

What I'm wondering is, how do they convince the rape victim to get on top?

[Juniper]

I love going gay clubbing !!

My only problem is wiping the blood off my baseball bat afterwords

[Juniper]

i called that rape advice line earlier..

unfortunately,its just for victims

[Juniper]

Roses are Red,
Violets are Blue,
There’s gas in you’re shower,
Because you’re a Jew.

[Juniper]

East German woman was being raped by ten Pollacks and she kept screaming, Nein! Nein! Nein! ... so one of them left :-)

[Juniper]

I've adopted a little african child,I worried that he wouldn't adapt well to our way of life...

So to make him feel at home I put a treadmill infront of the sink.

[Juniper]

My wife seems to think I sneak out to smoke weed and get stoned every night because my eyes are always blood shot.

I just nod and agree, I guess that's better than telling her most girls carry pepper spray these days.

[Juniper]

On my first day in prison I was taking a shower when I noticed a bar of Dove lying on the floor.

Some big black guy said, "Hey, where's the soap?"

I said, "I'll be fucked if I know."

[Juniper]

What do Ethiopians do at night?
They starve.

How can you tell if an Ethiopian woman is pregnant?
Hold her up to the light.

What do you call an Ethiopian with buckteeth?
A rake.

How do Ethiopians camouflage themselves?
They stand sideways.

What's positive about Ethiopians?
H.I.V.

[MSTRS:Me]

This guy went to hospital for a circumcision, but because of a mix up, he ended up having a complete sex change.
All of the doctors and nurses had gathered around his bed as he was waking up so they could give him the bad news.
Naturally, the poor guy went to pieces and started crying when they explained what had happened to him.
"Oh no!" he moaned "This means I'll never be able to experience an erection ever again!"
"Of course you will" one of the doctors soothed. "It'll just have to be someone else's, that's all".