What's your sickest joke?

[_Shrek_]

There has been a fire at a gay sauna in Auckland.

The Fire Service says damage to the Wingate Club in Avondale has been minor, and the situation is now under control.

The fire is thought to have started from two sticks rubbing together

[Drew]

Non alcoholic beer. It's like liking your sister out.

Tastes the same, but it's just not right.

[Drew]

Chicks. They're old enough when they leave school...And school gets out at three.

[Juniper]

My six-year-old son caught me masturbating this morning.

He said, "What are you doing daddy?"

"It's called wanking," I replied. "You'll be doing this soon."

"Why, daddy?" he asked.

"Because my arm is fucking killing me."

[Juniper]

A man is sitting next to a woman on a jet that is about to take off. Suddenly, the man sneezes. He unzips his pants and wipes himself off with his handkerchief. He zips up, and continues reading his magazine.
The woman cannot believe what she has just seen. Then he sneezes again, unzips, and wipes himself off again with the handkerchief.

The woman says, "Excuse me, sir, but that's disgusting and rude! If you do it again, I'm going to call the flight attendant and have you removed from this plane."

He says, "I'm so sorry that I've offended you. I have this very rare, embarrassing physical handicap that causes me to orgasm every time I sneeze."

The woman, disarmed by the man's honesty, and somewhat embarrassed by her own callousness, says with sympathy, "Oh you poor man, what are you taking for it?"

"Pepper," he answers.

[Juniper]

Toys 'R Us has found that their stores in predominantly black neighborhoods aren't doing as good of business as their stores elsewhere. After some research it was decided to make over and rebrand those stores. The refurbished stores will now go by the name of We B' Toys 'N Shit.

[Banditbandit]

Anyone got any cheese cutter jokes?

What's short and wirey and fucks bikers???

Road side cheese cutters ...

[Banditbandit]

A man meets this gorgeous chick in the pub and takes her home to bed. He’s down between her legs with his tongue going flat out when all of a sudden he stops, backs off and pulls a piece of sweetcorn from his mouth. He looks up at her and asks ; “Are you OK? Are you sick?”

She moans slightly and replies “No ...”

So, he’s back between her legs going all out, when he stops again, reaches for his lips and removes a piece of carrot ... Looking at at her he asks again “Are you sure you’re not sick?”

“No .. I'm fine," she replies

Back down he goes .. and suddenly stops, and this time pull s a couple of peas from his lips

“Look ...” he says to her .. “are you really sure you’re not sick

She writhes sensuously and replies “No .. I’m not sick .. but the last guy down there was ...”

[Juniper]

A guy tells his wife that he's going fishing. His wife starts to complain because she says he never takes her anywhere, so he tells her, "Fine, you can come fishing with me and the dog tomorrow!" The next morning, the husband wakes up and wakes his wife. Now she's seen that her manipulation has worked a little too well and says, "I don't want to go fishing." The husband is upset. "You bitched and whined about wanting to go somewhere with me and now you don't want to go? Fine, you don't have to go... but you're either going to suck my dick or you're going to let me fuck you in the ass." The wife says, "Let me think about it for a minute." The husband agrees and he leaves her to get things ready for his trip. She he comes back, she says, "I don't want to go fishing and I'm not about to let you fuck me in the ass, so I guess I'll just suck your dick." He whips it out and she starts sucking, but then stops. "Jesus Christ! Your dick tastes like shit!" The husband says, "Yeah, the dog didn't want to go fishing either."

[Juniper]

God gave women yeast infections so that they would know what it was like living with an irritating cunt for once.

[Juniper]

Three pregnant women are sitting in a doctors waiting room knitting. Mom 1 checks her watch and takes a pill "Vitamin C, good for mom, good for baby." Mom 2 takes a pill and says, "Vitamin A, good for mom, good for baby." Mom 3 takes a pill and says, "Thalidomide...I can't knit sleeves."

[Banditbandit]

Why is oral sex best?

'Cause you don't have to listen to them while they do it ...

[Juniper]

a gay man is at a circus watching the lion-tamer, the lion-tamer goes up to this lion, get is cock out and puts it in the lions mouth, he then hits the lion on the head with a club, and the lion bites down hard.
he takes is cock out unmarked, and say to the audiance, "I give a hundred pound to anyone, who can do that".
the homo puts his hand up, and says "I'll do it, but dont hit me to hard".

[Juniper]

A guy is in a bus station, and goes into the men's room to piss. When he walks in he sees a leprechaun with the most enormous dick he had ever seen. As he pees, he cannot avoid spying on the giant member of the tiny man dressed in green. The leprechaun zips up and the man asks him if he is indeed a real leprechaun.

The little man says, "Aye me boy, I'm a leprechaun, and I can grant you three wishes."

"Oh neat," comes the reply, "What do I need to do?"

"Well, havin' such a large cock makes it a bit awkward with the ladies, the thing not fittin' and all... I'll grant you your three wishes if you wouldn't mind suckin' me dick until I come." The man is a bit taken aback, but agrees, because he knows he can wish for anything he wants later. After the green man has come, he starts to walk away.

The guy says, "Hey, what about my three wishes?" The leprechaun asks, "How old are you me boy?"

"25," he says.

"Aren't you a bit too old to still be believin' in leprechauns?"

[GSW]

This guy went to hospital for a circumcision, but because of a mix up, he ended up having a complete sex change. All of the doctors and nurses had gathered around his bed as he was waking up so they could give him the bad news. Naturally, the poor guy went to pieces and started crying when they explained what had happened to him. "Oh no!" he moaned "This means I'll never be able to experience an erection ever again!" "Of course you will" one of the doctors soothed. It'll just have to be someone else's, that's all"