Unstuck saw this and thought of you:
A Jew, a nigger and a white man are running in a race. who wins and why?
Answer: the white man, because the Jew had to pick up a nickel off the ground, and the nigger had to write mother fucker on the wall.
Meow
Unstuck saw this and thought of you:
A Jew, a nigger and a white man are running in a race. who wins and why?
Answer: the white man, because the Jew had to pick up a nickel off the ground, and the nigger had to write mother fucker on the wall.
What's the point in living if you don't feel alive?
Toying with ones mortality shouldn't be this much fun.
Fully qualified Sifter.
How old are you?Originally Posted by Juniper
Meow
General consensus is mid 30's with a splattering of hyped up 12yo.
What's the point in living if you don't feel alive?
Toying with ones mortality shouldn't be this much fun.
KB's Chief Cats
hahahahahahahahahahahaha.
Splattering.
Meow
An old salty Sailor who had lost both legs in different nautical accidents was managing quite well on two wooden legs until one day in his travels around Australia he found himself in a outback Pub. Came the time he had to go to the toilet for a number two and asked the barman where it was. The barman warned him, that it was quite primative and that it was just a plank over a hole in the ground. Nothing fancy in the outback. The sailor said he would be fine and toddled of to do his business. Half an hour later the sailor returns covered from head to toe in crap. The barman asked him what happened. The sailor said. "I was doing fine till some bastard came in and said 'What stupid place to leave a wheel barrow' and then tipped me down the hole!"
What's the point in living if you don't feel alive?
Toying with ones mortality shouldn't be this much fun.
Meow
A store owner hires a young woman who loves mini-skirts. A young man walks in, glances at her, and spots some raisin bread on the top shelf.
"Some raisin bread, please." The man says.
She climbs a ladder to reach the bread, and the man looks up her skirt, admiring the view. By the time she 's back on the ground, there's a line of men behind the first young man. Each one asks for raisin bread.
The line steadily diminishes as the shop assistant gets more and more pissed off. Eventually, there's just one old man left.
"Is yours raisin too?" the girl asks him frostily.
"Nope," says the old man. "But it's starting to twitch."
What's the point in living if you don't feel alive?
Toying with ones mortality shouldn't be this much fun.
Meow
My wife just came in and said, “I don’t know if I am coming or going.
”I said to her, “Judging by the look on your face, you’re going – ‘cus when you’re coming, you look like a fucking Down Syndrome kid trying to whistle!”
Why did Helen Keller's dog kill itself?
You would too if you were named Auuurraaagggghhhkk!
What is thirty feet long and smells like urine?
Line dancing at a nursing home.
Which is the odd one out: a woman, a microwave or a fridge?
The microwave, the other two leak when they’re fucked.
Bungee jumping is like getting a blowjob off your granny,
It feels great but for Christs sake don't look down.
What's the point in living if you don't feel alive?
Toying with ones mortality shouldn't be this much fun.
Anarchic Wild Child
A Canadian hunter has shot many game animals, but has never shot a bear. He decides he wants to add that to his list, so he heads off to bear Country. Finding a hunting and fishing shop, he goes inside and tells then he is there to hunt bears. The owner hands him a gun and some ammunition and says “Just drive half a mile east. You will find a small path through the forest which will take you to a lake. There will be bears there.
The hunter heads off, finds the path and walks to the lake. As he reaches the edge of the forest he sees a bear by the water. “It can’t be that easy,” he says. But anyway, he takes aim, fires and the bear falls over. The hunter walks down to the lake front, but there is no sign of the bear. Suddenly, there is a tap on his shoulder. He turns around to face The Bear.
“That hurt,” says the bear, who throws the hunter on the ground and buggers him severely.
The hunter staggers back to his car and drives back to the shop. “I shot a bear, but he didn’t die,” the hunter says.
“Ah,” says the owner. “The ammunition must not be strong enough. Here, try this tomorrow.” And he gives the hunter another box of ammunition.
The next day, the hunter walks down to the lake and sees a bear by the water edge. He shoots it and the bear falls over. He walks down, but there is no sign of the bear. Again, there’s a tap on his shoulder. “That REALLY HURT,” says the bear, and proceeds to bugger him mercilessly.
The hunter staggers back to his car and gets back to the shop. He tells the proprietor that again he shot a bear, but it didn’t die.
“Ah,” says the owner, “clearly you need a bigger gun.” He takes down a gun and hands it to the hunter with more ammunition. “Use this tomorrow and you’ll be sure to bag a bear.
The hunter sets off, and again finds a bear by the lake. Again he shoots the bear which falls over. He walks down to the lake and again the bear has gone. Again he feels a tap on his shoulder. He turns around and looks the bear straight in the eye. The bear looks back and says:
“You’re not here for the hunting are you ?
"So if you meet me, have some sympathy, have some courtesy, have some taste ..."
Meow
So Her Majesty the Queen is visiting an Army Hospital and in one of the wards starts talking to the patients.
HM. to 1st Soldier. "And what are you in for soldier?"
1st Soldier. "It's a bit embarrasing Ma'am, but I've got piles."
HM. "Oh dear. And what is the cure?"
1st Soldier. "Wire brush and Detol, Ma'am."
HM. And what's your greatest wish?"
1st Soldier. "To get back to active duty and serve you Ma'am."
HM. "Good show. Carry on.
HM. to 2nd Soldier. "And what are you in for soldier?"
2nd Soldier. "It's a bit embarrasing Ma'am, but I've got syphilis."
HM. "Oh dear. And what is the cure?"
2nd Soldier. "Wire brush and Detol, Ma'am."
HM. And what's your greatest wish?"
2nd Soldier. "To get back to active duty and serve you Ma'am."
HM. "Good show. Carry on.
HM. to 3rd Soldier. "And what are you in for soldier?"
3rd Soldier, in a croaky voice. "Laryngitis."
HM. "Oh dear. And what is the cure?"
3rd Soldier. "Wire brush and Detol, Ma'am."
HM. And what's your greatest wish?"
3rd Soldier. "To get the treatment before those two do."
What's the point in living if you don't feel alive?
Toying with ones mortality shouldn't be this much fun.
Meow
Why is it good that there are women astronauts?
So that when the crew gets lost in space, at least the women will ask for directions.
Why does it take 1 million sperm to fertilize one egg?
Even at that stage they won’t stop to ask directions.
What do men and sperm have in common?
They both have a one in million chance of becoming a human being.
What's the point in living if you don't feel alive?
Toying with ones mortality shouldn't be this much fun.
Meow
There is a long line of people at the airline counter waiting to check in. A man storms to the front of the queue, bypassing the people in line, and demands to be checked in straight away.
Lady behind counter (lbc). "You will have to line up and wait your turn like everybody else."
Man. "Do you know who I am?"
LBC, into microphone over the PA. "We have a man at the passenger check-in who doesn't know who he is. If his Mother is in the terminal would she please collect him from desk 14."
Man, storming off. "Fuck you!"
LBC. "You will also have to line up and wait your turn like everybody else."
What's the point in living if you don't feel alive?
Toying with ones mortality shouldn't be this much fun.
Meow
John Wayne is in a fancy restaurant with a bunch of his celebrity buddies, and has to go to the bathroom after a few drinks. Conversation continues, and in a few minutes The Duke comes back out, drenched from head to toes and smelling like a urinal.
"Jesus, what happened?" asks one of his friends, aghast.
"Walllll, it happens every time I go to a public john." he replies. "I walk in, and everyone turns around. 'It's John Wayne! John Wayne? John Wayne!'"
What's the point in living if you don't feel alive?
Toying with ones mortality shouldn't be this much fun.
Meow
Little Red Ridng Whore went walking throu the woods and a big bad wolf jumped out and said..." hahaha. I'm gonna eat you".
Little Red Riding Whore replied.
.." eat, eat,eat....doesn't anybody want to fuck anymore????"
What's the point in living if you don't feel alive?
Toying with ones mortality shouldn't be this much fun.
Meow
I was going into a store the other day and heard these girls talking about equal rights. I then proceeded to open the door for a gal and then walk into the place ahead of these people, not holding it for them. They got annoyed. I said its equal rights, you can open your own door just as well as I can for myself. They replied "You held the door open for that women" I said "yeah, but she had a body i wanted to watch walk by, you don't"
What's the point in living if you don't feel alive?
Toying with ones mortality shouldn't be this much fun.
Wearing Hi-Viz Black.
It's not a real recession until your internet is cut off and you have to masturbate to the woman in a red bikini on the Special K box.
TOP QUOTE: “The problem with socialism is that sooner or later you run out of other people’s money.”
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