What's your sickest joke?

[Bassmatt]

Husband said, "Darling, let's try something new in the bedroom... I'll get some chocolate spread, some whipped cream, and a few strawberries.

"Then I'll paint my cock with the chocolate spread, and call the kids in for a 'special treat'. Then, one by one, I'll pop the strawberries up my arse, squirt cream down my crack, and while Emily deepthroats me for the last of the chocolate, Jessica can my lick my arsehole and swallow strawberries as I shit them out.

"Then it'll be time to pop their cherries. I'll start with Jess cos she's already 9, she'll be a bit more developed. While I'm fucking her childish vagina, Emily can lick up the blood and get her own tiny cunt ready for a good stretching.

"Then I'll finish off by banging them in the arse a couple of times before squirting my creamy load over their faces. Shall we give it a go?"

His wife looked stunned. "OVER MY DEAD BODY!" she said.

Husband replied, "Fuck me, you're into some weird shit."

[SMOKEU]

Husband said, "Darling, let's try something new in the bedroom... I'll get some chocolate spread, some whipped cream, and a few strawberries.

"Then I'll paint my cock with the chocolate spread, and call the kids in for a 'special treat'. Then, one by one, I'll pop the strawberries up my arse, squirt cream down my crack, and while Emily deepthroats me for the last of the chocolate, Jessica can my lick my arsehole and swallow strawberries as I shit them out.

"Then it'll be time to pop their cherries. I'll start with Jess cos she's already 9, she'll be a bit more developed. While I'm fucking her childish vagina, Emily can lick up the blood and get her own tiny cunt ready for a good stretching.

"Then I'll finish off by banging them in the arse a couple of times before squirting my creamy load over their faces. Shall we give it a go?"

His wife looked stunned. "OVER MY DEAD BODY!" she said.

Husband replied, "Fuck me, you're into some weird shit."

Now that's really phucked up!

[Superboss]

Husband said, "Darling, let's try something new in the bedroom... I'll get some chocolate spread, some whipped cream, and a few strawberries.

"Then I'll paint my cock with the chocolate spread, and call the kids in for a 'special treat'. Then, one by one, I'll pop the strawberries up my arse, squirt cream down my crack, and while Emily deepthroats me for the last of the chocolate, Jessica can my lick my arsehole and swallow strawberries as I shit them out.

"Then it'll be time to pop their cherries. I'll start with Jess cos she's already 9, she'll be a bit more developed. While I'm fucking her childish vagina, Emily can lick up the blood and get her own tiny cunt ready for a good stretching.

"Then I'll finish off by banging them in the arse a couple of times before squirting my creamy load over their faces. Shall we give it a go?"

His wife looked stunned. "OVER MY DEAD BODY!" she said.

Husband replied, "Fuck me, you're into some weird shit."

You are disgusting.


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[haydes55]

You are disgusting.


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It's great isn't it!

All you people with morals get out of this thread!

[unstuck]

You are disgusting.


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Maybe this is not the thread for you.
You did read the thread title didn't you?

[haydes55]

Maybe this is not the thread for you.
You did read the thread title didn't you?

That reminds me about the time I walked into the ladies toilets... I read the sign on the door and thought "I shouldn't go in here because I have a penis" and walked in anyway.

Some of the ladies faces were priceless, it's hard to show on the pictures...

[Juniper]

A big Texan stopped at a local restaurant following a day roaming around in Spain ..

While sipping his wine, he noticed a sizzling, scrumptious looking platter being served at the next table.

Not only did it look good, the smell was wonderful.

He asked the waiter, 'What is that you just served?'

The waiter replied, 'Si senor, you have excellent taste! Those are called Cojones de Toro, bull's testicles from the bull fight this morning. A delicacy!'

The cowboy said, 'What the heck, bring me an order.'

The waiter replied, 'I am so sorry senor. There is only one serving per day because there is only one bull fight each morning. If you come early and place your order, we will be sure to save you this delicacy.'

The next morning, the cowboy returned, placed his order, and that evening was served the one and only special delicacy of the day.

After a few bites, inspecting his platter, he called to the waiter and said, 'These are delicious, but they are much, much smaller than the ones I saw you serve yesterday.'

The waiter shrugged his shoulders and replied, 'Si, Senor. Sometimes the bull wins."

[Juniper]

little boy is waiting for his mom to come out of the changing room while shopping with her. The little boy gets bored and when his mom comes out, she finds him sliding his hand up a dummy's skirt.

"GET YOUR HAND OUT OF THERE!" she shouts. "DON'T YOU KNOW THAT WOMEN HAVE TEETH DOWN THERE!"

The little boy quickly snatches his hand away and thanks his lucky stars that nothing serious happened. So, for the rest of his life, this poor little boy grows up thinking that all women have teeth down below. By the time he reaches 16, he finds himself a girl. One night, while her parents were out of town, she invites him over for a little action. After a few hours of making out and grinding on the sofa, she asks him to go a bit further.

"What do you mean?" he asks.

"Well, why don't you put your hand down there?" while pointing to her privates.

"HELL NO!" he cries. "You've got teeth down there."

"No I don't," she responds.

"Yes you do," he says. "My mom told me that you do."

"No I don't," she insists. "Here, look for yourself."

With that, she pulls down her pants and gives him a little peek.

"No, I'm sorry" he says. "My mom already told me that all women have teeth down there.

"Oh for Christ's sake!" she screams. With that, she whips off her panties, throws her legs behind her head, and says, "Look, I don't have any teeth down there."

He replies, "Well, with the condition of thoe gums I'm not surprised.

[Jeff Sichoe]

With his face that close to her cooter she WOULD have teeth down there anyway...

[Juniper]

This guy was really sleepy and needed a place to stay for the night. So he sees this barn up the road and asks the guy if he can stay in his barn for the night.
"Sure," says the farmer, "as long as you promise not to stick your winky into the three holes." The man promises, and the farmer leaves him there. Of course, he can't resist, and the farmer is woken up in the middle of the night by screams coming from the barn. The farmer goes down and finds the guy stuck in the third hole.
"What are in these holes?" the guy screams.
"Well," says the farmer, "one of them's my daughter, one's my cow, and one of them's an automatic milking machine that doesn't stop until it gets five gallons."

[Juniper]

It is Rennaissance Italy and Lothario and his friend Giovanni sit at a table outside a cafe in Venice. Lothario enjoys his coffee while Giovanni, obviously depressed, sits staring into his. Lothario notices that Giovanni is upset and asks, "Giovanni, why are you so depressed?"
Giovanni looks at him and says, "Lothario, you see this canal we sit beside, this beautiful Venician canal? I Giovanni designed and built this canal. Do they call me Giovanni the canal builder? No they do not." Giovanni points to a bridge a short way from the cafe. "You see that bridge Lothario? I, Giovanni, designed and built that beautiful bridge and many others like it, but do they call me Giovanni the bridge builder? No they do not" Giovanni then gestures at the buildings that surround them "These houses, these beautiful houses of Venice. I, Giovanni designed and built these houses and do they call me Giovanni the house builder? No they do not" But I screw one sheep..."

[MSTRS:Me]

After two weeks on a desert island with only each other for company, Bob and Geoff are getting horny. "Look" says Bob "Neither of us are gay, but if you pretend to be a woman for me, when I'm done, I'll pretend to be a woman for you". Geoff reluctantly agrees and suffers 10 minutes of painful humiliation as Bob gives it to him as a male. When it's over, Geoff asks Bob for his go. "Fuck off" Bob replies "I've got a headache".

[Juniper]

Expensive Apples
This guy was driving along a country road. Along the side of the road he sees a sign: "Apples, $5.00 each." So he pulls over to the side of the road and asks the farmer why his apples are so expensive. The farmer says, "Well, these are peanut butter and jelly apples." So the guy buys one. He says, "These apples only taste like jelly, where's the peanut butter?" The farmer says, "Turn the apple over and take a bit of the other side." Sure enough the other side tasted like peanut butter.
So he continues on his way and along the side of the road he sees another sign: "Apples, $20.00 each." So he gets out and asks the farmer why these apples are so expensive. "These are ham and cheese apples," the farmer says. So the guy buys one. The apple only tasted like ham, so he asked the farmer why and he said, "Turn the apple over and you will taste the cheese."
Then he is driving down the road again and he sees another sign: "Apples, $50.00 each." So he asks the farmer, "What's up with these apples being so expensive?" The farmer tells him they are vagina apples. So the guy buys one.
He takes a bite into the apple and says "This apple tastes like shit!" And the farmer says, "Turn it over."

[Juniper]

So little Johnny is being taken to the Zoo for the first time, by his parents.
He is amazed at all the different kinds of animals. When he gets to the Elephant enclosure he asks his Mother. "What's that thing hanging down between his legs?"
Mother. "Oh, that's his trunk."
Johnny. "No, at the other end?"
Mother. "It's nothing dear."
Johnny thern asks his Father what the thing is.
Father. "It's his Donger."
Johhny. "But Mum says it's nothing!"
Fathr. "I know. Your Mother has been spoiled."

[caspernz]

Fella rings his boss early one morning: "Say boss, I won't be in today. I'm pretty sick."

Boss: "Geez we're already short staffed, how sick are you?"

Fella: "Well, I'm in bed with my sister...."