What's your sickest joke?

[Juniper]

A guy goes to a whorehouse and tells the madam he only wants to spend 5 bucks. The madam thinks for a bit, then says, "Betsy. She's down the hall, last door on the left."

The guy walks down, sees Betsy -- she's not the best looking, but she would do. He puts it in and it's the worst feeling he's ever had on his dick -- like sandpaper and teeth. He pulls out and tells her. "Um. something's wrong, can you do something about that?" Betsy crinkles her face, then says, "Why of course! But it will run you another five bucks." She pockets the fiver and goes to the bathroom and is back in no time.

The guy puts it back in and now, it's the complete opposite: it's the best feeling he's ever had, and finishes in a flash. Panting, he asks her, "oh my god... that felt amazing... what did you do??" Betsy smiles, and says, "for the extra five bucks, I pick the scabs."

[Juniper]

A man walks past girl with no arms or legs sitting by a pool.

The girl says to the man, "Excuse me sir, I've never been fucked and in my condition no one would want to fuck me. Will you please fuck me?"

So the man kicks her into the pool and says, "There, you're fucked."

[husaberg]

[Juniper]

What's the best part about doing a dead guy?

He's always stiff

What's the best part about doing a dead chick?

If you get bored with one hole you can always make another.

What's another best part about doing a dead chick?

She can't say no!

[Smifffy]

What's the best part about doing a dead guy?

He's always stiff

What's the best part about doing a dead chick?

If you get bored with one hole you can always make another.

What's another best part about doing a dead chick?

She can't say no!

Just don't be broken-hearted when she splits on you.

[husaberg]

Necrophilia -Best ever date for valentines no need to bring flowers cause she already has plenty.

Necrophilia -You can be pretty sure she can't get pregnant..

Necrophilia - putting the FUN into funeral.....

Necrophilia-putting the 'mating' into cremating.

Necrophilia - putting the rot in erotic .

Necrophilia - Thinking inside the box.

Necrophilia- Better late than never.

Necrophilia. I dig it.

Necrophilia isn't rape, it's recycling.

Necrophilia is dead boring....Try incest, it's only relatively boring.

Necrophilia: where pulling the plug is considered foreplay.

At what point does CPR become Necrophilia? Probably when you stick your cock in.

Remember - It's not Necrophilia if she's on life support!

Lastly a little Necrophilia never killed anyone.

[Juniper]

How can you tell an Italian woman and a walrus apart?
.
.
.
One is fat, has a mustache and smells like fish and the other is a walrus.

[Juniper]

I see dead people .............. Oh yeah..


Lol I wuv you Husaberg!

[Banditbandit]

Jeez .. are fucking dead people your only humour ????

[MSTRS:Me]

I was given some really good financial news today. The little black orphan I was sponsoring in Africa has been eaten by a lion.

[husaberg]

Jeez .. are fucking dead people your only humour ????

Its almost like you think necrophilia is not funny or something wtf.... I suggest you harden up before rigor mortis sets in.....
Don't worry we will move on to beastility then seeing you feel the necrophilia angle is like flogging a dead horse......

[Victum-Superum]

Best thing about fuckin' a 90 year old woman?


Getting a free titty-wank at the same time

[GSW]

Two men are in a bar getting drunk. Suddenly one of them throws up all over himself. He says "Oh, no. Now my wife will KILL me". His friend says "Don't worry. Just tuck a twenty dollar bill in your breast pocket and tell your wife that someone threw up on you and gave you twenty dollars for the dry cleaning bill".

So they stay for another couple of hours and get even drunker.

Eventually he reels home and his wife starts to give him a hard time. "You reek of alcohol and you've thrown up all over yourself, my God you're disgusting" etc.

Speaking very carefully so as not to slur, he says, "Wait. It's not what you think. I only had one drink, but this man was sick on me. He'd obviously had one too many, or else he just couldn't hold his liquor. He was very sorry and he gave me twenty dollars for the cleaning bill. Look in my breast pocket".

She looks in his breast pocket and says "But this is forty dollars...?" "Ah, yes" says the man. "He shit in my trousers too..."

[husaberg]

10 carrots acting

[Juniper]

A man walks into a pharmacy and wanders up & down the aisles..

The sales girl notices him and asks him if she can help him.

He answers that he is looking for a box of tampons for his wife..

She directs him down the correct aisle.

A few minutes later, he deposits a huge bag of cotton balls and a ball of string on the counter.

She says, confused, 'Sir, I thought you were looking for some tampons for your wife?

He answers, 'You see, it's like this, yesterday, I sent my wife to the store

to get me a carton of cigarettes, and she came back with a tin of tobacco

and some rolling papers; cause it's sooo-ooo--oo- ooo much cheaper.

So, I figure if I have to roll my own .......... so does she