What's your sickest joke?

**husaberg** · 23rd January 2014, 20:59

"Have you got a girlfriend yet? - No dad -
Do you think you'll ever get one? - never
- are you gay?
- fuck off with your lesbian fantasies!"

**husaberg** · 23rd January 2014, 20:59

What's the difference between a Porsche and a hooker? I don't have a chopped up Porsche in my basement.

**husaberg** · 23rd January 2014, 21:03

I was eating out this girl when I tasted some chlamydiae and so I asked, "is that how you died grandma?"

**husaberg** · 23rd January 2014, 21:12

How did Hellen Keller lose her virginity?

Her parents left a plunger in the toilet.

**husaberg** · 23rd January 2014, 21:13

How do you get a nun pregnant? Dress her up like an alter boy.

**husaberg** · 23rd January 2014, 21:16

knock, knock. whos there? not patrick swayze... hes dead

**husaberg** · 23rd January 2014, 21:22

A grandson runs up to his grandfather and asks him if he can talk like a frog.

"Of course not," says the grandfather. A few minutes later, his granddaughter asks him the same question.

"No, of course not. Why are you both asking me this?"

The granddaughter replies, "Dad said that when you croak, we can go to Disneyland."

**Juniper** · 23rd January 2014, 21:32

Lol loving them!

**husaberg** · 23rd January 2014, 21:36

Originally Posted by Juniper

Lol loving them!

Careful Bandits already onto us ......

**Juniper** · 23rd January 2014, 21:43

Originally Posted by husaberg

Careful Bandits already onto us ......

Oh nooos what are they going to do with us??

**husaberg** · 23rd January 2014, 22:02

Originally Posted by Juniper

Oh nooos what are they going to do with us??

I would say lock us up....... but then the people will just think i am doing bondage jokes again.......
Regardless the Chickens a dealbreaker........

**Laava** · 24th January 2014, 06:36

What is worse than getting your keys stuck inside your car outside an abortion clinic?
Having to go inside and ask for a coat hanger.

How are an alcoholic and a necrophiliac alike? They both like to crack open a cold one

A black third grader goes to his mom and asks, 'Mom, I have the biggest dick in the third grade. Is that because I'm black?' And she responds, 'no nigggar it's because you're nineteen!'

I used to tell this one about Jonestown, but the punch line was too long

What do you get when you cross the queen and prince Charles?
Murdered in a tunnel

Whats princess Diana's favorite hat? A bonnet.

So I asked my North Korean friend how his life was going.
He said "can't complain".

I have no respect for pedophiles, they're fucking immature arseholes

A man in a van stops little Johnny who's walking down street and says, "Hey little boy, I'll give you a piece of candy if you come in my van". Little Johnny says, " How about you give me the whole bag and I'll come on your face!"

I was sitting on the train today next to a hot thai girl thinking to myself don't get an erection, don't get an erection. And she did.

A girl said to me earlier, "You've got the body of a God, shame it's Buddha!"
I replied, "You've got a face like a princess, shame it's Diana's."

A plane is falling out of the sky. A female passenger jumps up out of her seat, tears off her clothes and exclaims, "Is there anyone man enough on this plane to make me feel like a real woman before I die?" A man across the aisle stands up, hurriedly unbuttoning his shirt. He gets it off and throws it at the woman and says "iron this"

Iron Man is a superhero.
Iron Woman is a command.

A boy found a magic lamp on the side of the road. As he rubbed the lamp a genie appeared. The genie told him he gets one wish.
The boy thinks about it. "I want to be Batman"
The genie kills the boys parents.

Statistically... 9 out of 10 people enjoy gang rape.

A man goes into a library and asks for a book on suicide.
The librarian says, "Fuck off, you won't bring it back."

A priest, pedophile and a rapist walk into a bar. He orders a drink.

A naive new priest gets his first assignment at a church in a small town that also has a convent. The first time he walks into town, a woman says to him, "$10 for a blowjob." Having led a very sheltered life, he does not understand what this means, so he declines and goes on his way. When he gets back to the church, he timidly asks one of the nuns: "Sister, erm, uh, what is a blowjob?" She replies, "10 bucks, same as in town!"