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Thread: What's your sickest joke?

  1. #61
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    Why did the leper leave the party?










    Cause he was fed up of people using his back as a pate' dip
    ITS NOT GETTING WHAT YOU WANT,BUT WANTING WHAT YOUVE GOT
    https://hondacx500custombuild.blogspot.com/?m=1

  2. #62
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    Never ask a leper to give you a tip........... or a hand!
    Exert your talents, and distinguish yourself, and don't think of retiring from the world, until the world will be sorry that you retire. -Samuel Johnson


  3. #63
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    Did ya hear Elton John and George Michael are remaking their duet "Dont let your son go down on me"
    Exert your talents, and distinguish yourself, and don't think of retiring from the world, until the world will be sorry that you retire. -Samuel Johnson


  4. #64
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    A homophobic cop was doing a raid on a nightclub bathroom when he hears a man groaning in a cubicle. So the cop kicks down the door and sees that the moaning guy has another guy with him with 2 fingers stuck up his ass.
    Whats going on here the cop exclaims? I'm tring to make my mate here sick the guy doing the fingering replys.
    No your not, your doing something perverse the cop says..
    No I'm making him sick the guy replys..
    How says the cop.... wait for it



    When I stick these fingers down his throat, trust me he'll be sick!
    Exert your talents, and distinguish yourself, and don't think of retiring from the world, until the world will be sorry that you retire. -Samuel Johnson


  5. #65
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    Mommy Mommy Jokes.

    Mommy, Mommy! What happened to all that dog food Fido wouldn't eat?

    Shut up and eat your meat loaf.

    Mommy, Mommy! When are we going to have Aunt Edna for dinner?

    Shut up, we haven't even finished your Grandmother yet.

    Mommy, Mommy! I hate my sister's guts.

    Shut up and eat what's put in front of you.

    Mommy, Mommy! What is a deliquent child?

    Shut up, light your cigarette, drink your whisky and deal those cards.

    Mommy, Mommy! What is a deliquent child?

    Shut up and pass me the crowbar.


    Airliners

    On a transatlantic flight, a plane passes through a severe storm. The turbulence is awful, and things go from bad to worse, when one wing is struck by lightning. One woman in particular loses it. Screaming, she stands up in the front of the plane.

    "I'm too young to die!", she wails.
    Then she yells,
    "Well,if I'm going to die, I want my last minutes on Earth to be memorable. Is there ANYONE on this plane who can make me feel like a WOMAN?"

    For a moment there is silence. Everyone has forgotten their own peril, and they all stare, riveted, at the desperate woman in the front of the plane. Then a man stands up in the rear of the plane.

    "I can make you feel like a woman," he says.

    He is gorgeous - tall, well built with long, flowing black hair and jet black eyes. He starts to walk slowly up the aisle, unbuttoning his shirt,one button at a time. No one moves. The woman is breathing heavily in anticipation as the stranger approaches. He removes his shirt. Muscles ripple across his chest as he reaches her, and extends his hand to the trembling woman and whispers .......
    .......................
    "Iron this."



    Shaun and Lulu Kinda lame

    Sean Connery was interviewed by Michael Parkinson, and bragged that despite his 72 years of age, he could still have sex three times a night. Lulu, who was also a guest, looked intrigued. After the show, Lulu said, "Sean, if Ah'm no bein too forward, Ah'd love tae hae sex wi an aulder man. Let's go back tae mah place."

    So they go back to her place and have great sex. Afterwards, Sean says, "If you think that was good, let me shleep for half an hour, and we can have even better shex. But while I'm shleeping, hold my baws in your left hand and my wullie in your right hand."

    Lulu looks a bit perplexed, but says, "Okay." He sleeps for half an hour, awakens, and they have even better sex. Then Sean says, "Lulu, that was wonderful. But if you let me shleep for an hour, we can have the besht shex yet. But again, hold my baws in your left hand, and my wullie in your right hand." Lulu is now used to the routine and complies. The results are mind blowing.

    Once it's all over, and the cigarettes are lit, Lulu asks "Sean, tell me, dis mah haudin yer baws in mah left hand and yer wullie in mah right stimulate ye while ye're sleepin ?"
    Sean replies, "No, but the lasht time I shlept with a Glashwegian, she shtole my wallet."


    Early one morning kinda lame to

    A husband and wife were in the bathroom getting ready to go to work when the husband looked at his wife and said, "I gotta have you !"

    He backed her up against the bathroom door, ripped her knickers off and gave her one there and then. When he finished he started putting his clothes on and saw his wife still writhing around against the door

    "What's wrong ? Didn't you come ? Do you want more ?"
    His wife said, "No, no, it's not that. I'm just trying to get the doorknob out of my arsehole !!"


    Little red riding Hood

    Little Red Riding Hood was getting ready to go and visit her grandmother in the forest and her mother said "You'd better not go out tonight, Little Red Riding Hood, because the big bad wolf's out and you know what he'll do; He'll lift up your little red dress, pull down your little red panties and f**k your little red socks off."

    But Little Red Riding Hood pulled out a shotgun and said, "Don't worry Mum, I've got it covered."

    So she was walking through the forest when she came across the three little pigs. One of them ran out of the brick house and said "You shouldn't be out tonight Little Red Riding Hood! The big bad wolf's out and you know what he'll do if he catches you. He'll lift up your little red dress, pull down your little red panties and f**k your little red socks off."

    So she pulled out the shotgun and said, "Don't worry boys. Got it covered!"

    As she continued through the forest, she came across the big bad wolf and he said, "You shouldn't have come out tonight Little Red Riding Hood because you know what I'm going to do. I'm going to lift up your little red dress, pull down your little red panties and f**k your little red socks off."

    So she lifted up her little red dress, pulled down her little red panties, lay down on her back with her legs apart, pointed the shotgun at him and said, "NO! You're going to eat me like the book says..."


    Average Earnings

    A man walks into his bedroom and sees his wife packing a suitcase. He says,"What are you doing?"
    She answers, "I'm moving to London. I heard prostitutes there get paid 100 for doing what I do for you for free!"
    Later that night on her way out the wife walks into the bedroom and sees her husband packing his suitcase.
    When she asks him where he's going, he replies... "I'm going to London too. I want to see you live on 200 a year!"


    Tragic

    A ninety-year-old man is sitting on a park bench, sobbing, when a young man walks by and asks him what's wrong. Through his tears the old man answers,
    "I'm in love with a twenty-five-year-old woman."
    "What's wrong with that?" asks the young man.

    Between his sobs and sniffles, he answers, "You don't understand. Every morning before she goes to work, we make love... At lunchtime she comes home and we make love again, and then she makes my favorite meal. In the afternoon when she gets a break, she rushes home and gives me oral sex, the best an old man could want. And then at suppertime, and all night long, we make love." He breaks down, no longer able to speak.

    The young man puts his arm around him. "I don't understand. It sounds like you have the perfect relationship. Why are you crying?"

    The senile old man answers, again through his tears, "I forgot where I live."



    The birds and the bees

    Mother is in the kitchen making supper for her family when her youngest daughter walks in.
    Child: Mum, where do babies come from?
    Mum: ... Well dear....a mummy and daddy fall in love and get married. One night, they go into their room...they kiss and hug and have sex. (The daughter looks puzzled.) That means the daddy puts his penis in the mommy's vagina. That's how you get a baby.
    Child: Oh I see, but the other night when I came into your room you had daddy's penis in your mouth. What do you get when you do that?
    Mum: Jewelery, dear.




    Ok thats all for now.. some of these jokes are pretty sick but thats da thread..
    Hope you all get a good laugh from them. If you want anymore just give a yell.

    Cheers, Mike

  6. #66
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    What's the difference between a nigger and a park bench???


    A park bench can support a family.


    What is long and hard and fucks samoans???


    Primary school.

  7. #67
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    Do you realise how many holes there could be if people would just take the time to take the dirt out of them?

  8. #68
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    Q. What is a womans arsehole doing while she is having an orgasm..?
































    A. Drinking with his mates at the local..!
    If you love it, let it go. If it comes back to you, you've just high-sided!
    مافي مشكلة

  9. #69
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    Q. What is the definition of making Love..?




















































    A. Something your girlfriend does while youre Fucking her..!
    If you love it, let it go. If it comes back to you, you've just high-sided!
    مافي مشكلة

  10. #70
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    What's the best thing about screwing 12 year old girls?

    You can turn them over and pretend they're 12 year old boys.
    Ph'nglui mglw'nafh Cthulhu R'lyeh wgah'nagl fhtagn!

  11. #71
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    I was at home and heard some rucus outside, so i went out to see what was going on. I got outside to see 4 guys beating up this maori fella, and the lady nextdoor said "are you gonna go help", i said "No 4 is enough".
    Those who dont learn from history, are doomed to repeat it.

  12. #72
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    ew thehallowmen jokes is just disgusting..

  13. #73
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    Pahahahahaha, Hollowman gets my vote!!
    To every man upon this earth
    Death cometh sooner or late
    And how can a man die better
    Than facing fearful odds
    For the ashes of his fathers
    And the temples of his Gods

  14. #74
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    And on the topic of mummy mummy jokes . . .

    Mummy mummy, can I lick the bowl?

    No, you can flush it like everyone else.
    I told him,
    "Son, what is it with you? Is it ignorance or apathy?"

    He said,
    "Coach, I don't know and I don't care."


  15. #75
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    Ya want ya mumma jokes ah.

    Your mummas so fat,

    I f**ked her anyway.
    Those who dont learn from history, are doomed to repeat it.

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