Best Pickup Line Ever
Damn baby are you Jewish? Because you're body is on fire!
;-)
Meow
Best Pickup Line Ever
Damn baby are you Jewish? Because you're body is on fire!
;-)
What's the point in living if you don't feel alive?
Toying with ones mortality shouldn't be this much fun.
Meow
It's ages since I've had a good wank over Nan, the way she used to dress for me in that negligee and then mop it off her floppy tits with tissues.
I still do it, but it's just not the same wiping the urn.
What's the point in living if you don't feel alive?
Toying with ones mortality shouldn't be this much fun.
L-Plate Rider
While Justin Bieber was in jail he wrote "free JB' on the cell was.
It was then he found out his cell mate was dyslexic.
Meow
A little old lady, well into her eighties, slowly enters the front
door of a sex shop.
Obviously very unstable on her feet, she wobbles the few feet across
the store to the counter. Finally arriving at the counter and grabbing it for support, stuttering she asks the sales clerk,
"Dooo youuuu have dilllldosss?"
The clerk, politely trying not to burst out laughing, replies, "Yes
we do have dildos. Actually we carry many different models."
The old woman then asks: "Doooo youuuu carrryy aaa pppinkk onnee,
tttenn inchessss lllong aaandd aabboutt ttwoo inchesss ththiickk...
aaand rrunns by bbaatteries ?"
The clerk responds, "Yes we do.."
"Dddooo yyoouu kknnnooww hhhoww ttooo ttturrrnn iittt offff?"
What's the point in living if you don't feel alive?
Toying with ones mortality shouldn't be this much fun.
Meow
jock takes his wife to casualty. her teeth are missing, her lips and gums are bleeding, her nose is broken, she's got two black eyes, one ear is hanging off and big tufts of hair missing. the doctor says " what has happened to your wife?". Jock replies "going through the change". The doctor says " That doesn't happen when a woman goes through the change" and Jock replies "It does when its my fucking coat pocket!!"
What's the point in living if you don't feel alive?
Toying with ones mortality shouldn't be this much fun.
Meow
A Labrador, an Alsatian and a Great Dane were sitting in the waiting room at the vet's when they struck up a conversation.
The Alsatian turned to the Labrador and said "So why are you here?" The Lab replied, "I'm a pisser. I piss on everything… the sofa, the curtains, the hamster, the kids. But I went too far last night when I pissed in the middle of my owner's bed." The Great Dane said, "So what’s the vet going to do?" "Gonna cut my nuts off" came the sorrowful reply from the Lab. "They reckon it'll calm me down."
The Lab then turned to the Alsatian and asked "So why are you here?" The Alsatian said, "I'm a digger. I dig under fences, dig up flowers and trees, I dig just for the hell of it. When I'm inside, I dig up the carpets. But I dug a great big hole in my owners' couch yesterday and they said that was the last straw." "So what are they going to do to you?" the Lab enquired. "Looks like I'm losing my nuts too," the dejected Alsatian said.
The Alsatian then asked the Great Dane, "Why are you here?" "I'm a humper," said the Great Dane. "I'll hump anything. I'll hump the cat, a pillow, the table, fence posts, whatever. I want to hump everything I see. Yesterday my owner had just got out of the shower and was bending down to dry her toes, and I just couldn't help myself. I hopped on her back and started hammering away." The Alsatian and the Lab exchanged a sad glance and said, "So, it's nuts off for you too, huh?" The Great Dane said, "No, apparently I'm here to get my nails clipped."
What's the point in living if you don't feel alive?
Toying with ones mortality shouldn't be this much fun.
L-Plate Rider
The true definition of irony has to be on international holocaust remembrance day and they're forecasting showers.
'tart tourmenter
After getting sent to jail,i spent the next hour being held face down over a table,and getting violently fucked up the arse....Sometimes, i think my Uncle Brian takes Monopoly a bit to fuckin seriously!!
Suck, Squeeze, Bang, Blow aren’t just the 4 cycles of an engine
Meow
Where do you find 'syphillis' in the dictionary? Between 'shit' and 'sympathy'
What's yellow and green and eats nuts? Gonnerrhea .
What's the difference between oral and anal sex? Oral sex makes your day, anal sex makes your whole week.
What's the point in living if you don't feel alive?
Toying with ones mortality shouldn't be this much fun.
Meow
Q.Why is divorce so expensive?
A. Because it's worth it!
Q. What is a Yankee?
A. The same as a quickie, but a guy can do it alone.
Q. What do Tupperware and a walrus have in common?
A. They both like a tight seal.
Q. What do a Christmas tree and priest have in common?
A. Their balls are just for decoration.
Q. What is the difference between "ooooooh"and "aaaaaaah"?
A. About three inches.
Q: What's the difference between purple and pink?
A. The grip.
Q. How do you find a blind man in a nudist colony?
A. It's not hard.
Q: What is the difference between medium and rare?
A: Six inches is medium, eight inches is rare.
Q: what's green and kinky?
A: Kermit the flog.
What's the point in living if you don't feel alive?
Toying with ones mortality shouldn't be this much fun.
Meow
Q: Whats the difference between a blonde and a mosquito?
A: One stops sucking when you slap it.
What's the point in living if you don't feel alive?
Toying with ones mortality shouldn't be this much fun.
Meow
Q: What?s the difference between a Catholic Priest and acne?
A: Acne doesn't come on a boys face until after he's thirteen.
What's the point in living if you don't feel alive?
Toying with ones mortality shouldn't be this much fun.
Meow
Little Johnny is sitting in class and the teacher asks this question "if theres four crows sitting on a fence, and you shoot one, how many are left?" Little Johnny thinks for a moment and says "None". The teacher looks at him, puzzled and says "Could you explain?" Little Johnny says "Well, if you shot one of them, the other three will fly away". The teacher says "Well, thats not the answer i was expecting, but i like the way you think".
Then little Johnny says, "Alright, now I have a question for you". Teacher says "OK" and Johnny says "There's three women sitting on a bench, all are eating popsicles, one is licking it, one is biting it, and the third is sucking it. Which one is married?". The teacher thinks for a moment then replies "My guess would be the one thats sucking it". Little Johnny says, "Thats not the answer i was expecting, but i like the way you think"...
What's the point in living if you don't feel alive?
Toying with ones mortality shouldn't be this much fun.
Meow
Whats the similarity between a used condom and the Herald of Free Enterprise? (younger readers will have to Google that one..)
They're both roll-on, roll-off; they're both full of dead se(a)men; and if there's a hole in the end, you're fucked...
What's the point in living if you don't feel alive?
Toying with ones mortality shouldn't be this much fun.
Meow
What is the definition of indefinitely?
Well, when your balls are slapping against the back of her ass, I'd say
you're in definitely.
What's the point in living if you don't feel alive?
Toying with ones mortality shouldn't be this much fun.
There are currently 1 users browsing this thread. (0 members and 1 guests)
Posting Permissions
Reply With Quote
Bookmarks