What's your sickest joke?

[matrox02]

I must say.. this is really bad, Exactly what i expected from the title "whats your sickest joke" Not complaingin, alot of its funny, but a lot is just disturbing

[slofox]

I must say.. this is really bad, Exactly what i expected from the title "whats your sickest joke" Not complaingin, alot of its funny, but a lot is just disturbing

You may, of course, exercise your option of not looking in the thread...

[husaberg]

I must say.. this is really bad, Exactly what i expected from the title "whats your sickest joke" Not complaingin, alot of its funny, but a lot is just disturbing

Yeah i know i cringe myself occasionally. then laugh as i cringe... then laugh at myself for cringing............then laugh at other people cringing.....
Making sick jokes in my opinion is a coping mechanism that is not intended to make fun of the situation. It often draws attention to a situation rather than detract.
Some of the irony and incongruity displayed in the jokes is clever on so many levels, Maybe i just like the darker side of funny.
I also enjoy double entendres.....Ok, i guess i am just plain sick.........
At some stage there should be a backlash to this politically correct diatribe that we are being forced to conform to.Maybe that is what sick jokes are?
Otherwise its all going to be all bland and beige and insurmountably boring in the future...........

[Juniper]

Why take life so seriously?

[husaberg]

Who Me? couldn't be.............The only thing i take seriously is your flattery.........
Shit... i view the restraining order you took out as just playing coy
This joke which i posted a page back ticks all the boxes for me......

So I was eating this woman out once and I tasted horse semen, so I think to myself so that's how you died grandma?

The level of shear fiendish depravity and clever hook still leaves me giggling uncontrollably.............
i guess its subversive humour?

[husaberg]

I really wanted to go see the new Batman movie, but I think I'll wait for the audience to die down a bit.

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One of my friends said: "Do you think maybe the victims will get to meet some of the cast?"

To which another replied: "Well they'll get to meet Heath Ledger anyway".

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Holey movie-goers, Batman!

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When I die I want to die in my sleep like my Grandpa not shouting and screaming like the people in his car.

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So i raped a girl last night. It sucks, cause she gave me aids. How does a 7-year-old even get aids? Man, my sister hangs with the wrong crowd.

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"Mummy, mummy, I don't like my little sister"

"Shut up and eat what you are given"

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A boy walks into a brothel carrying a dead frog. The madam asks what he wants. He says he wants to sleep with the cheapest girl who has herpes. The madam explains that she can't let a little boy do that, but he insists and offers double the rate. So the madam hooks him up with Cheri, an older gal with herpes and missing a few teeth.

They go into the back room and do their thing. Twenty minutes later, they emerge and the boy goes to exit. The madam stops him and says she has to know why he wanted to sleep with a girl with herpes.

"Well," said the little boy, "Cheri had herpes, and she gave it to me. When I go home, I'm going to sleep with my babysitter, and give her the herpes. Then when my dad takes the babysitter home, he'll have sex with her like he always does and get it from her. Then he'll come home and have sex with my mom, and she'll get herpes. Tomorrow morning, she'll sleep with the mailman, and he'll get herpes. Then the mailman will go home and molest his son. AND THAT'S THE MOTHERFUCKER THAT KILLED MY FROG!"

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A lady went to her doctor for a check-up. when asked how she got the bruises on the outside of her thighs, she explained that she got them from having sex. The doctor then told her she would have to change positions until the bruises healed. She replied "Oh doctor, I can't... my dog's breath is awful!"

[Akzle]

https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=STHpMUYeznQ

fuckin what?

[husaberg]

This friend of mine had a disgusted look on her face and she said "Did you know that 2 out of every 3 people live next to a pedophile"? I said, "Not me, I live next to two smoking hot 10 year olds".

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What's the difference between a washing machine and an 17 year old?

I can put a load in the washing machine without following me around for 3 months saying it loves me.

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I used to tell this one about Jonestown, but the punch line was too long.

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"Jesus loves you."A nice gesture in church.A horrific thing to hear in a Mexican prison.

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So I asked my North Korean friend how his life was going.He said "can't complain".

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Anal sex is like spinach: if you're forced to have it as a child, you're not going to like it as an adult.

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A man in a van stops little Johnny walking down street and says, "Hey little boy, I'll give you a piece of candy if you come in my van". Little Johnny says, " How about you give me the whole bag and I'll come on your face!"

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I was sitting on the train today next to a hot thai girl thinking to myself don't get an erection, don't get an erection. And she did.

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A plane is falling out of the sky. A female passenger jumps up out of her seat, tears off her clothes and exclaims, "Is there anyone man enough on this plane to make me feel like a real woman before I die?" A man across the aisle stands up, hurriedly unbuttoning his shirt. He gets it off and throws it at the woman. "Iron this."

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What's the number one cause of pedophilia in America? Sexy children.

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How do you know a girl is too young? When you have to make the airplane noise to get your cock in her mouth.-Jimmy Carr

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I held the door for an Asian man today. He said "sank you" So I punched him in the throat. How dare he bring up pearl harbor like that.

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Superman is flying through the city, and sees Wonder Womans House. He is curious so he takes a peak inside her home with his x-ray vision.
What he sees astounds him, Wonder Woman is spread eagle and rubbing her boobs. And Superman gets a super hardon.
Shit Superman thinks, this is too easy, I can just zoom in there, get a few pumps in at the speed of light and she wont even know what happened.
Wonder Woman suddenly looks up, and says, "what was that"? The invisible man says," hell if I know but my ass is killing me"!

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The worst part about being a pedophile is fitting in.

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How do you make your wife scream twice? Fuck her in the ass and wipe your dick on the curtains.

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What is yellow and lives off of dead Beatles? Yoko Ono

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What's the difference between Jelly and Jam? I can't Jelly my diick up your ass.

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Three sluts are in a bar. One says "my vag's so big, I can fit a whole fist in"

The second says "so what? I can fit two!"

The third just smiles, and slides slowly down the barstool.

[FlangMasterJ]

I really wanted to go see the new Batman movie, but I think I'll wait for the audience to die down a bit.

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[husaberg]

[Juniper]

There was this couple who had been married for 50 years. They were sitting at the breakfast table one morning when
the old gentleman said to his wife, "Just think, honey,
we've been married for 50 years." "Yeah," she replied,
"Just think, fifty years ago we were sitting here at this
breakfast table together." "I know," the old man said, "We
were probably sitting here naked as jaybirds fifty years
ago." "Well," Granny snickered, "What do you say...should
we get naked?" Where upon the two stripped to the buff and
sat down at the table. "You know, honey," the little old
lady breathlessly replied,"My nipples are as hot for you
today as they were fifty years ago." "I wouldn't be
surprised," replied Gramps. "One's in your coffee and
the other is in your oatmeal|
===================

A man was visiting his wife in hospital where she has been
in a coma for several years. On this visit he decides to
rub her left breast instead of just talking to her. On
doing this she lets out a sigh. The man runs out and
tells the doctor who says this is a good sign and suggests
he should try rubbing her right breast to see if there is
any reaction. The man goes in and rubs her right breast and
this brings a moan. From this, the doctor suggests that
the man should go in and try oral sex, saying he will wait
outside as it is a personal act and he doesn't want the man
to be embarrassed. The man goes in then comes out about
five minutes later, white as a sheet and tells the doctor
his wife is dead. The doctor asks what happened to which
the man replies: "She choked."
>========================
Guy goes to the doctor with a totally orange penis. Doctor looks at him, pokes, prods; he’s mystified. He asks the guy, “Any itching?”
“No.”
“Used any weird lotions or creams?”
“No.”
“Any problems urinating?”
“No, everything’s pretty much fine except for the color.”
“Is this recent?”
“Oh, the last few weeks, since I got a new job.”
“Anything different about your routine since the new job?”
“Well, I don’t know anyone in the area very well, so every night’s pretty much the same thing: come home, eat some dinner, then I sit down with a bag of Cheetos and watch some porn.”

[Juniper]

Q) What does your ass and star trek have in common?

A) You can see ur anus and there's always a couple cling on's around.

[husaberg]

Little Martin is four years old. One day while he was pestering his mother, she said,
"Why don't you go across the street and watch the builders work, maybe you will learn something."

Martin was gone about two hours. When he came home, his mother asked him what he had learned.
Martin replied - "Well first you put the goddamn door up.
Then the son of a bitch doesn't fit so you have to take the cock sucker down.
Then you have to shave a cunt hair off each side and put the mother fucker back up."

Martin's mother said, "Wait until your father gets home."

When Martin's father got home, Martin's mum told him to ask Martin what he had learnt today.
When Martin told him the whole story, dad said, "Martin, go outside and get me a switch.
" Martin replied, "Get fucked. That's the electrician's job."

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Q: What are the two biggest lies in Poland?

A: "The check is in your mouth" and "I won't come in the mail."

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Two gays are driving down the street when they see a dog on the side of the road licking his prick.
"I sure wish I could do that," said the one gay. To which the other replied,

"Don't you think you ought to pet him first??"

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Q: How do you know when it's time to wash dishes and clean the house?

A: Look inside your pants; if you have a penis, it's not time.

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Your basic virgin female was all set to get married to a virile gypsy,
when her mother took her aside for a little pre-nuptial advice.

"Dear, I know you love this man," the mother began. "And we've tried to welcome him into our family.
But there is something you must know. These gypsies like to make love in a disgusting way,
so if he ever asks you to turn over before making love, DON'T do it. It's degrading and painful, and it will ruin your marriage."

So the wedding is fine.
The happy couple enjoys their first month of marital bliss, when one night, the gypsy says to his wife,
"Honey, let's try making love a little differently tonight. Why don't you roll over?"

The woman loses it. "You brute," she sobs. "My mother warned me about you gypsies,
I can't believe you would do this to me."

"But honey," the startled gypsy replies. "I just thought you might want to have children."

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Q: How do you blind a Chinese person?

A: Put a windshield in front of him.

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What's the difference between a Ferrari and 10 dead hookers?

I don't have a Ferrari in my garage

[YellowDog]

Met a girl at a night club.

Really hit it off.

Tongues and a serious feel up.

I said "Let's go back to yours to finish this off?"

She said, "I can't I'm on a menstrual cycle"

"No worries" I said,

"I'll follow you on my scooter"

[husaberg]

Met a girl at a night club.

Really hit it off.

Tongues and a serious feel up.

I said "Let's go back to yours to finish this off?"

She said, "I can't I'm on a menstrual cycle"

"No worries" I said,

"I'll follow you on my scooter"

OH sick yes, butt is it sick enough???????????????


Met a girl at a night club.

Really hit it off.

Tongues and a serious feel up.

I said "Let's go back to yours to finish this off?"

She said, "I can't I'm on a menstrual cycle"

"Sweet No worries" I said,

"I was planing on giving you backseat ride on the Browntown bus anyway"