What's your sickest joke?

[Juniper]

Vegan activist: "Do you know how many poor animals they had to kill for that fur coat?"

Call girl: "Do you know how many rich animals I had to fuck for this coat?"

[Juniper]

So I read this headline in a UK paper: "Pakistani men target young white girls for sex" Can you really blame them? Have you SEEN Pakistani women?

[gjm]

A guy goes to a bar, sits, drinks, and gets shitfaced. Somehow he still manages to hook up with a girl.

They go back to her place for some fun. Things start heating up so he starts to go down on her. Everything is going really well, until he starts choking. He steps back, hacking, and coughs up a peanut. Considering he was at a bar, he doesn't think twice about it, apologizes and keeps going.

Seconds later, he starts choking again. Steps back, coughs up a half eaten piece of hot dog. With a look of disgust he asks "are you sick or something?"

She replies "no, but the guy last night was..."

[Juniper]

What is 18 inches long, stiff and makes women scream at night?

Crib death

[Juniper]

A woman recently lost her husband. Though not wealthy, he had made enough money that they were comfortable, for the most part. He had been quite the miser, never spending much money on anything beyond the necessities of life. This extended after his death as well, as he left instructions that he be cremated, thus saving the costs of a casket and cemetery plot. Fulfilling his request, she had him cremated and brought his ashes home. Picking up the urn that he was in, she poured him out on the counter and began talking to him, tracing her fingers in the ashes.

"You know that fur coat you kept promising me I'd get one day Irving? I bought it with the insurance money!"

She then said, "Irving, do you remember that new car you promised me as well? Well, I bought that with the insurance money too!"

"And the nice home, jewels, clothes? You always promised me that some day we would have those things. Well, using the insurance money, I have them now."

Still tracing her finger in the ashes she said, "Irving remember that blowjob I promised you? Here it comes..."

[Juniper]

Phone rings, woman answers. The pervert, with heavy breathing, says "Have you got a tight unshaven twat?" Woman replies "Yes, he's watching television - who shall I say is calling?"

[Juniper]

I went to a friend's to help him fix his wife's car. He needed the keys but after calling and looking throughout the house, garage and yards he couldnt find his wife anywhere so he goes into the bathroom, leaves the door open, and starts urinating in the sink.
Seeing my stunned expression he explains, "Sometimes this is the only way I can find her. No matter where she is she always catches me in mid stream."

[Juniper]

How do you get a quickie abortion in the hood?

Find a long staircase

[Juniper]

My wife is German and Jewish so I always ask her...

Is she afraid of cleaning ovens, that maybe while one hand cleans the other handle try to turn on the oven and push the rest of her inside?

[Juniper]

How do you fit 4 Germans and 10,000 Jews in a BMW

To Germans in the backseat 10,000 Jews in the ashtray

[Juniper]

Two Middle East mothers are sitting in a cafe chatting over a plate of tabouli and a pint of goat's milk.

The older of the two pulls a small folder out of her handbag and starts flipping through photos. They start reminiscing.

''This is my oldest son, Mujibar. He would have been 24 years old now.''

''Yes, I remember him as a baby.'' says the other mother cheerfully.

"He's a martyr now though." the mother confides.

"Oh, so sad dear...'' says the other.

''And this is my second son, Khalid. He would have been 21.''

''Oh, I remember him,'' says the other happily, ''he had such curly hair when he was born.''

''He's a martyr too...'' says the mother quietly.

''Oh, gracious me...'' says the other.

''And this is my third son. My baby. My beautiful Ahmed. He would have been 18'', she whispers.

"Yes," says the friend enthusiastically, ''I remember when he first started school...''

''He's a martyr also,'' says the mother, with tears in her eyes.

After a pause and a deep sigh, the second Muslim mother looks wistfully at the photographs and, searching for the right words, says . . ..

"They blow up so fast, don't they?"

[Juniper]

A little boy wakes up in the middle of the night and walks into his parents room and sees them having sex. The little boy, traumatized, runs out of the room crying. "You should go check on him, thats really going to be something you need to explain," said the mother. The father laughed it off with a traditional "he will get over it," and continued to chuckle about the whole situation.
After some additional prodding from the mother the father agrees to go talk to the little boy. As he is walking down the hallway to his sons room he hears an empty thumping sound coming from his sons room. Thump - Thump - squish - Thump- Thump The father, very confused, slams the door open and sees his son balls deep, pounding the shit out of his grandmothers asshole. Just really going to town on it.
The father screams "What the hell are you doing?" The boy replies, "It's not so funny when its your mom, is it?"

[husaberg]

Grandma jokes never get old..............

[Akzle]

Grandma jokes never get old..............

nigger can you read? Or do you need to be spoonfed your information with lots of big pictures?

[husaberg]

Yes my cat is fine thanks for asking.....................