What's your sickest joke?

[husaberg]

Pretty sure its on sale now........

[husaberg]

Yes, if as you say you like it in your pooper you are.................
Butt that's ok
http://www.binaryoptionswire.com/wp-...2_-480x350.jpg
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http://www.antweb.org/antblog/Soleop...a_AlexWild.jpg
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http://images.sodahead.com/polls/001...r_3_xlarge.png

[Juniper]

When A gay guy gets his shit packed every day, it's hard to tell if he is coming or going.

[Juniper]

The butt plug I ordered arrived in a discreet plain brown package . . . . . . . shaped like a giant butt plug...

Thanks...

[Juniper]

Two bums are sitting talking. The first one starts bragging, "Today was the best day ever! This morning I found a brand new pack of smokes just sitting on the ground. So you know what I did? I sat and smoked every fucking one of them... had the best day ever." The second bum just laughs, "That's nothing, today I was walking along the rail road tracks and I found this girl laying on the tracks. You know what I did? I fucked her all day long." The other bum interrupts, "Bull! You didn't do it all day long did you?", the other continues, "Well, no but it was for at least a few good hours, best day of my life." The first bums asks, "So did she give you a good blowjob?" The other replies no. "How could you possibly be getting busy with this girl for hours, and she doesn't even give you a blow job?" To which the other replies, "How could she? She didn't have a head!"

[Juniper]

I knew my weight problem was starting to get out of hand when the only time I ejaculated whilst watching a porno was when the guy delivered the pizza.

[Juniper]

A man is telling a story... "I was playing golf, and even though I am usually a pretty good player, I was playing horribly that day. As I was about to tee off at the fourth hole I heard a voice say, "three wood." I looked around and no one was behind me so I took my stance. Then once again I heard "three wood." I looked down and there was a frog at the corner of the tee box, and he was telling me to use my three wood. I thought it was stupid but I was playing so badly that I thought nothing could hurt me so I took out my three wood. It was a long par four, and I hit the ball straight 250 yards with that three wood. Since the frog seemed to be lucky I picked him up and took him along with me. At the next whole he told me to use my five iron. It was a par three and I got my first hole in one ever. I made a least a birdie on all the rest of the holes, and all I had to do was listen to that frog.

That night I took the frog to the casino in my hotel. We played Roulette. I put my money where the frog said and won on every spin of the wheel. After that I was tired so I went up to bed. I took the frog out of my pocket and put it on the dresser. Suddenly it looked at me and said, "kiss me." Now I wasn't about to kiss a frog, but he said it again. So I kissed the frog and he turned into the most beautiful fourteen year old girl you have ever seen in your entire life. And that your honor is how that fourteen year old girl ended up in my hotel room.

[Juniper]

Why are most masochists better than Jesus?

They have all survived being on a cross.

[Juniper]

Breaking news...

Rabbi arrested on Church St in Toronto for selling foreskins as chewing gum...

[husaberg]

This farmer has about 200 hens, but no rooster, and he wants chicks. So, he goes down the road to the next farmer and asks if he has a rooster that he would sell. The other farmer says, 'Yeah, I've got this great rooster, named Randy. He'll service every chicken you got, no problem.' Well, Randy the rooster costs a lot of money, but the farmer decides he'd be worth it. So, he buys Randy. The farmer takes Randy home and sets him down in the barnyard, first, giving the rooster a pep talk. 'Randy, I want you to pace yourself now. You've got a lot of chickens to service here, and you cost me a lot of money. Consequently, I'll need you to do a good job. So, take your time and have some fun,' Randy seemed to understand, so the farmer pointed toward the hen house and Randy took off like a shot. - WHAM! - Randy nails every hen in the hen house three or four times, and the farmer is really shocked. After that the farmer hears a commotion in the duck pen, sure enough, Randy is in there. Later, the farmer sees Randy after a flock of geese, down by the lake. Once again - WHAM! He gets all the geese. By sunset he sees Randy out in the fields chasing quail and pheasants. The farmer is distraught and worried that his expensive rooster won't even last 24 hours. The farmer goes to bed and wakes up the next day, to find Randy dead as a doorknob stone cold in the middle of the yard. Buzzards are circling overhead. The farmer, saddened by the loss of such colourful, and expensive animal, shakes his head and says, 'Oh, Randy, I told you to pace yourself. I tried to get you to slow down, now look what you've done to yourself.' Randy opens one eye, nods toward the buzzards circling in the sky and says, 'Shhh, they're getting closer!'

---

Two old pensioners are taking a trip down memory lane and as such have gone for a holiday back to the place where they first met. While sitting at a cafe the little old man says, 'Remember the first time I met you over fifty years ago? We left this cafe, went round the corner behind the gas works and I gave you one from behind.' 'Why, yes I remember it well dear,' replies the little old lady with a grin. 'Well, for old time's sake, lets go there again and I'll give you one from behind.' The two pensioners pay their bill and leave the cafe. A young man sitting next to them has overheard the conversation and smiles to himself, thinking it would be quite amusing to see two old pensioners at it. He gets up and follows the pensioners. Sure enough, he sees the two pensioners near the gas works. The little old lady pulls off her knickers and lifts up her dress. The old man pulls down his pants and grabs the lady's hips and the little old lady then reaches for the fence. Well, what follows is forty minutes of the most athletic sex the man has ever seen. The little old man is banging away at the little old woman at a pace that can only be described as phenomenal. Limbs are flying everywhere, the movement is a blur, and they do not stop for a single second. Finally, they collapse and don't move for a hour. Well, the man is stunned. Never in his life has he ever seen anything that equates to this, not in the movies, not from his friends, not from his own experiences. Reflecting on what he has just seen, he says to himself, 'I have to know his secret. If only I could shag like that now, let alone in fifty years time!' The two old pensioners have by this time recovered and dressed themselves. Plucking up courage the man approaches the pensioner. He says, 'Sir, in all my life I have never seen anybody shag like that, particularly at your age. What's your secret, could you shag like that fifty years ago?' The pensioner replies, 'Son, fifty years ago that fucking fence wasn't electrified.'

[husaberg]

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[Juniper]

What starts with N and ends with R that you never want to call a black person?
Neighbour.

What does NAACP stand for?
National Association of Apes Called People.

What's the worst thing about being a black jew?
You have to be at the back of the oven.

Why do all black people have nightmares?
Because we shot the only one that had a dream.

[husaberg]

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[husaberg]

What's red and orange and looks good on hippies?

Fire.

---

There was a cruise ship that ended up sinking just off the coast of a small deserted island.There where only 3 survivors: 2 guys and a girl. They lived there for a couple of years doing what was natural for men and women.

After several years of casual sex all the time, the girl felt really bad about what she had been doing. She felt having sex with both guys was so bad that she killed herself.

It was very tragic but the two guys managed to get through it and after a while nature once more took it's inevitable course.

Well, a couple more years went by and the guys began to feel absolutely horrible about what they were doing. So...

They buried her.

---

What do you call a cow masturbating
beef strokin' off

---

Whats black and blue and scared of me
the 8 year old in my closet

---

rape isnt funny unless your raping a clown

---

definition of disgusting?
shoving 7 oysters up your grandma and sucking out 8

---

Social Security:


A retired gentleman went to the social security office to apply for Social Security.

The woman behind the counter asked him for his driver's license to verify his age. He looked in his pockets and realized he had left his wallet at home. He told the woman that he was very sorry but he seemed to have left his wallet at home. "I will have to go home and come back later." The woman says, "Unbutton your shirt." So he opens his shirt revealing curly silver hair. She says, "That silver hair on your chest is proof enough for me" and she processed his Social Security application.

When he gets home, the man excitedly tells his wife about his experience at the social security office. She says, "You should have dropped your pants. You might have gotten disability too."

---

I met a girl last week who said she wanted to be treated like a princess, so I put her in the back of a mercedes and drove it into a tunnel wall.

---

A little boy is having a bath with his Dad and asks, "Daddy, what's the difference on our willie's?"
His Dad says, "Well for a start son, mine's is erect"

---

There once was a little boy who was celebrating his 11th birthday.

He decided to test his family to see if they remembered his birthday, so he goes downstairs to his father. "Bet cha' can't guess how old I am today", the boy said.

The father has no clue and finally gives up. "I'm eleven!" the boy exclaims.

Next he goes in the kitchen, walks up to his grandma, and says, "Bet cha' can't guess how old I am today".

"Let me give it a guess", grandma says and sticks her hand in his trousers.

She plays with his testicles for about an hour or so (squeezing them; moving them back and forth), takes her hand out of his trousers, and says, "You're eleven years old".

"How did you know?" the boy asked.

Grandma replied, "I heard you tell your father".

---

man tells his wife that he's going out to buy cigarettes. When he gets to the store he finds out it's closed. So the guy ends up going to the bar to use the vending machine. While there, he has a few beers and begins talking to this beautiful girl. He has a few more beer and the next thing he knows he's in this girl's apartment and having quite a pleasurable time. The next thing he know it was 3:00 AM.

"Oh my, god, my wife is going to kill me!" he exclaimed. "Quick give me some talcum powder!"

She gets him some and he rubs it all over his hands. When he got home his wife is up waiting for him and she's furious. "Where the hell have you been!"

He says, "Well to tell you the truth, I went into a bar, had a few drinks, went home with this blonde and I slept with her." "Let me see your hands!" she demands. He shows his wife his powdery hands.

"Damn liar, you were out bowling again!"

---

So a teenage couple sneaks back at the guys crib at 1 am in the morning

They see that his little brother is asleep but they wanna have sex.

So the girl tells the guy she'll say tomato when she wants him to go faster and she'll say lettuce when she wants him to go slower and she'll say ham when she wants him to change positions

So the girl goes : "Lettuce Ham tomato, Tomato Ham Lettuce, Tomato Lettuce Tomato."

The little brother wakes up and says "Hey can you guys stop making sandwiches your getting mayonaise all over me."

---

a kid aged 9 walks in the corridor and hears some noise from his sisters, aged 16, bedroom. he comes close to the door and watches from the key hole and sees his sister naked caressing herself and saying, of I want a boy, oh I need a boy, so the kid does not understand and continues his road. the next day, same thing, the day after also, the fourth day when he looks through the key hole, he sees his sister naked with a boy kissing each other and etc, so he turns back quickly to his room, takes off his clothes and begins caressing himself saying, oh I want a bycicle, I need a byciycle

---

Hard Times:

Harry and his wife are having hard financial times, so they decide she'll become a hooker.

She's not quite sure what to do, so Harry says, "Stand in front of that bar and pick up a guy. Tell him a hundred bucks. If you've got a question, I'll be parked around the corner.

She's not there five minutes when a guy pulls up and says, "How much?"

"A hundred dollars."

"Damn. All I've got is thirty."

"Hold on," she says and runs back to Harry. "What can he get for thirty dollars?"

"A handjob," Harry replies.

She runs back and tells the guy all he gets for thirty dollars is a handjob.

He says okay, she gets in the car, he unzips his pants, and out pops a simply HUGE male unit.

She stares at it for a minute, and then says, "I'll be right back."

She runs back around the corner and says breathlessly, "Harry, can you loan this guy seventy bucks?"

---

What's the only drink that can get a girl pregnant? A Squirt & Cider

[husaberg]

Hitler and Stalin are sitting at the bar. A patron walks up to the bar and asks the barman if thats Hitler and Stalin sitting over there. He says yes. The man goes over to Hitler and Stalin and asks what they are doing. "We're planning world war 3" says Stalin. "We're going to kill 14 million jews and 1 bike repair man" says Hitler "Why the bike repair man?" The patron asks. Hitler says to Stalin "See? I told you no one would ask about the jews."

---

Mickey Mouse is having a nasty divorce with Minnie Mouse. Mickey spoke to the judge about the separation. "I'm sorry Mickey, but I can't legally separate you two on the grounds that Minnie is mentally insane..." Mickey replied, "I didn't say she was mentally insane, I said that she's fucking goofy!"

---

So a masochist, a pyromaniac, a necrophile, a sadist, a pedophile, and a zoophile are all standing in a jail cell. The zoophile says, "You know what I could really go for right now? Sex with a cat." The pedophile says, "Even better: Sex with a kitten." The sadist asks, "How about we beat the kitten up, and THEN have sex with it?" The necrophile adds, "Alright let's beat a kitten to death, and then have sex with it." Then the pyromaniac says, "Okay, how about we beat a kitten to death, light it on fire, and then have sex with it?" After all of this the masochist finally speaks up and says,
"Meow."

---

A man comes into a bar.
No wait, it was a horse.
A man comes into a horse.

---

Man is standing behind a woman in the supermarket. She notices him looking in her cart which only has a couple items. He says "You must be single." She says "How can you tell by just looking at my cart?" He says "Because you are fucking ugly."