What's your sickest joke?

[husaberg]

kkkkkkkkkkkkkkkiiiiiiiiio

[husaberg]

olololololoololol

[gjm]

I've got a joke about a dead celebrity.

It's a peach.

...

etc

When the police entered Peaches Geldofs house they found Ecstasy, Poppers and Whizz.

They are still looking for the rest of the family.

[husaberg]

When the police entered Peaches Geldofs house they found Ecstasy, Poppers and Whizz.

They are still looking for the rest of the family.

I understand she smelt a bit ripe.............

[husaberg]

pppppppppppppppp

[Hashbandicoot]

Q: What's 12 inches long and keeps a woman screaming and moaning all night?

A: Cot death.

[husaberg]

I have a lot of baby jokes but my worse joke has to be


Whats blue, 14inches long and fucks women?


Cot death

first joke in thread

[Hashbandicoot]

first joke in thread

Well bugger I down dead.

[husaberg]

Well bugger I down dead.

His was biggerer as well..

[Juniper]

Q. You know why they say that eating raw oysters will improve a man’s sex life?
A. Because women know if he’ll eat one of those, he’ll eat anything!

Q. Why does a bride smile when she’s walking down the aisle?
A. She knows she’s given her last blow job.

Q. What’s the only animal with an asshole in the middle of its back?
A. A police horse.

Q. Did you hear Richard Simmons had plastic surgery to get his love handles removed?
A. Yeah…now he has no ears.

Q. What’s the difference between a new husband and a new dog.
A. After a year, the dog is still excited to see you.

Q. Why is sleeping with a man like a soap opera?
A. Just when it’s getting interesting, they’re finished until next time.

Q. What do you call a musician without a girlfriend?
A. Homeless.

Q. What does the cannibal do just after he dumped his girlfriend?
A. Wipe his ass.

Q. How do you find a blind man in a nudist colony?
A. It’s not hard.

Q. What do you call a lesbian with fat fingers?
A. Well hung.

[Juniper]

Police officers George and Mary, had been assigned to walk the beat.

They had only been out a short while when Mary said, "Damn, I was running late this morning after my workout and after I showered, I forgot to put on my panties! We have to go back to the station to get them."

George replied, "We don't have to go back, just give the K-9 unit, Fido, one sniff, and he will go fetch them for you."

It was a hot day and Mary didn't fell like heading back to the station, so she lifted her skirt for the dog. Fido's nose shoots between her legs, sniffing and snorting.

After 10 seconds of sniffing, Fido's ears pick up, he sniffs the wind, and he is off in a flash towards the station house.

Five minutes go by and no sign of Fido.

Ten minutes pass, and the dog is nowhere to be seen.

Fifteen minutes pass, and they are starting to worry.

Twenty minutes pass, and they hear sirens in the distance. The sirens get louder and louder. Suddenly, followed by a dozen police cars, Fido rounds the corner with the Desk Sergeant's balls in his mouth.

[Juniper]

A drunk picks up a woman and gets to take her back to his place. They have quite a night and the following morning, she wakes him by playing with his prick and balls stroking them gently. He lays back hung over but enjoying the stroking. This goes on for a while, he then asks her why is she doing this and does she enjoy it.
She replies yes its great I really miss mine I used to do this for hours.

[Juniper]

Two men are strolling down the sidewalk, when they come upon a dog lying across it....

As dogs are wont to do, this one had one hind leg in the air, and was contentedly licking his junk.

The first man turned to his friend and said, "Gee, I wish I could do that..."

The second looked thoughtful for a moment and then replied...

"Maybe you'd better pet him first".

[Juniper]

There was this construction worker on the 3rd floor of this unfinished building. He needed a hand saw, but was too lazy to go down and get it himself, so he tried to call his fellow worker on the ground to get it for him, but this guy could not hear a word he said. So he started to give a sign so the guy on the ground could understand him.
First he pointed at his eyes (meaning "I") then pointed at his knees (meaning "need), and moved his hand back and forth describing the movement of a hand saw.
Finally, the guy on the ground started nodding his head like he understood and dropped his pants and started to jerk off.
The guy on the 3rd floor got pissed-off and ran down to the ground and started yelling at this guy, "You idiot, I was trying to tell you I needed a hand saw."
The other guy replied, "I know, I was trying to tell you that I was coming."

[Juniper]

Who is the greatest Jewish cook ever?

Hitler