What's your sickest joke?

[Juniper]

why is there no disneyland in china?

no one is tall enough to ride the rides.

why can't an american couple have a chink baby?

two whites can't make a wong.

how do you blindfold a chink?

use dental floss

what do you get when you cross a chink with a puerto rican?

a car thief who can not drive.

What do you call a black guy driving a black Cadillac?
Black power.
What do you call a white guy driving a white Cadillac?
White power.
What do you call a Puerto Rican guy driving a blue Cadillac?
Grand Theft Auto.

Why don't Puerto Ricans have a long history of literature?
Because spray paint wasn't invented until 1949

Why do Mexicans paint their trashcans red and yellow?
So their kids think they're eating at McDonalds

What do you call a bunch of white people running down a hill?
An avalanche
What do you call a bunch of black people running down a hill?
A mudslide
What do you call a bunch of Mexican people running down a hill?
A jailbreak

What happens when a Cuban gets a flat tire?
He drowns.

What’s Cuba’s national anthem?
Row, row, row your boat
An American, a Russian, and a Mexican were out camping. The American has his Jack Daniels the Russian has his vodka and the Mexican has his tequila. The Russian takes a drink of vodka throws the bottle up in the air and shoots it. The Mexican says, "What did you do that for?" The Russian says, "In Russia we have lots of vodka." The Mexican takes a drink of his tequila throws the bottle up in the air and shoots it. The American says, "man what did you do that for?" The Mexican says, "In Mexico we have lots of tequila." The American takes a drink of his Jack Daniels throws the bottle up in the air and shoots the Mexican. The Russian looks at him and says, "Man, what the hell did you do that for?" The American says, "Oh hell, man, in America we have lots of Mexicans."

[husaberg]

ok its confession time at the local church and the nuns are going in first
1st nun: "bless me father for I have sinned, last night I held a mans penis in my left hand"
Priest: "Say the lords prayer and wash your hand in the well of holy water outside"
2nd nun: "Bless me father for I have sinned, last night I held a mans penis in my right hand"
Priest: "Say the lords prayer and wash your hand in the well of holy water outside"
3rd nun: "Bless me father for I have sinned, last night I held a man's penis in both hands"
Priest: "Say the lords prayer twice and wash both hands in the well of holy water outside"
Just then a scuffle breaks out in the queue
4th nun: "Bless me father for I have sinned......."
Priest: "Is that you sister Mary? I thought Sister Theresa was next?"
4th nun: " Yeah well if you think I'm washing my mouth in the well after she's washed her arse in it you can think again!!!"


man walks into a bar with a ostridge and a black cat.
the bar man asks the bloke "what do you want to drink?" The bloke replies, nothing for me or the ostridge but a pint for the cat!.
two minutes later he goes up again and buys the cat another drink. a minute later he buys the cat a third drink.
on the fourth time to buy a drink for the cat the barman asks "you seem to be buying that cat a lot of drinks where did you get it and the ostridge." he replies I found a magic lamp rubbed it and asked for a long legged bird with a tight pussy!!!!


french joke : 2 little girls, 6 years old on a swing. first one says to the other "I found a box of condoms on my verandah yesterday".
second one :"What's a verandah ?"

Why did Michael Jackson and Lisa-Marie Presley split up?
Because they had different ideas on rearing children

Microsoft has decided to rename "Windows 98" to "Windows Diana"
It is superficially atttractive, impossible to live with, consumes masses of resources, then it crashes.

What are the small bumps around a woman's nipples for?
Its braille for 'suck here'

Jimmy is in the toilet with his mum. She's on the toilet and he says, "Mummy! What's that between your legs?" "That's where me and daddy were having a fight. He threw an axe at me," she said. "Fucking good shot," he said, "right up the cunt."

How do you make a cat go woof?
Douse it in petrol *before* you set fire to it.

[Juniper]

Q: What's the difference between Jesus and a picture of Jesus?

A: You only need one nail to hang up a picture of Jesus.

[Juniper]

I called 999 for an ambulance today.

"What seems to be the problem?" asked the operator.

"I stumped my toe on the coffee table." I replied.

"And you want an ambulance for that?" he laughed.

I said, "No, it's for my wife, she shouldn't have laughed."\

[Juniper]

One day, Harry came upon a big, long ladder that stretched into the clouds. He'd walked this way every day and this ladder was never there before.
Curious and brave, he began to climb. Eventually, he climbed into the layer of clouds, and saw this rather large, homely woman lying there on a cloud.
She spoke: "Take me now or climb the ladder to success!" Harry figured success had to be better than this, so he continued climbing. He came upon another level of clouds, and found a thinner, cuter woman than before.
She also spoke: "Take me now or climb the ladder to success!" Harry saw that his luck was changing and so continued his climb. On another level of clouds, he found a rather attractive woman with not so bad of a figure.
She stated, "Take me now or climb the ladder to success!" Harry really liked his advantage now! He climbed quickly and deftly, and sure enough, on the next level, he found a gorgeous, lithe, well-endowed woman lying seductively on the cloud.
"Take me now or climb the ladder to success," she huskily whispered. Harry couldn't believe his eyes, but his greed caught the best of him. He climbed to the next level, expecting Aphrodite or similar.
Suddenly, the ladder ends, and a latch closes behind him. He looks over to see a 400-pound, 6'8" hairy biker looking guy with tattoos. The biker gets up and walks menacingly toward Harry.
Apprehensively, Harry whispers, "Who are you?"
The biker answers, "I'm Cess."

[Juniper]

What do you do when your wife says she has AIDS?

Act surprised.

~~~~~

My wife called my mobile last night "Where the hell are you? You're two hours late coming home"

"I went for a drink with one of my work mates and one thing led to another" I replied.

"Are you with that idiot Dave?" she asked

"No," I replied "That blonde Sandra."

[Juniper]

This little boy is visiting the zoo with his father. They stop to have a look at an elephant and the kid just stares at it in fascination. Eventually he asks his father, "Dad, what's that thing hanging down?"

"That's the elephant's trunk," replies his father.

"No, I mean at the other end."

"Oh, that's the elephant's penis."

"That's funny," mused the little boy, "Last time we were here, Mum told me it was nothing."

"Well," said the smiling father, "You have to remember that your mother is a very spoilt woman."

[Juniper]

I have a problem with alcohol abuse.

This morning I called a bottle of vodka a cunt.

[Juniper]

A professor is giving the first year medical students their first lecture on autopsies, and decides to give them a few basics before starting.

"You must be capable of two things to do an autopsy. The first thing is that you must have no sense of fear."

At this point, the lecturer sticks his finger into the dead man's anus, pulls it out, and then licks it. He asks all the students to do the same thing with the corpses in front of them. After a couple of minutes' silence, they follow through with his disgusting command.

"The second thing is that you must have an acute sense of observation: How many of you noticed that I stuck my middle finger into the corpse's anus, but I licked my index finger?"

After the class was over, it took the janitor three hours to mop up the vomit.

[Juniper]

Statistically 9/11 Americans won't get this...

[Juniper]

I'm not racist. Racism is a crime, and crime is for black people

[Juniper]

What's worse than your gf being raped by the Paki who owns the corner store?

Finding out the same cunt sold her the dead batteries that were in her rape alarm!

I went to Mcdonald's and a midget served me. my order came to $3.50, I paid with a $10. The midget only gave me back $1.50. I thought about it for a few seconds and realized i could not say i was short changed to a midget. So I calmly took out my reciept and shouted, "You theiving Paki cunt! you owe me a fiver."

I came into work 15 minutes late yesterday. My boss stopped me on my way in.
"Sorry i am late boss, serious car crash with a paki taxi cab driver."

my boss looked at me, and said, "You don't look injured..."

I smiled and said, "I only pulled over and laughed at the cunt for 15 minutes.

What's brown, tight and smells funny?

No, not anal sex, it's that paki cunt from the corner store.

[Juniper]

Lets take a minute and remember that poor guy who told his wife he was going to China on Malaysian flight 370 and now cant ever leave his Girlfriends apartment.

Whats the difference between an afghani Military base and a Pakistani Elementary school?

I dont know, I just fly the drones.

[Juniper]

Have you heard about the new Catholic Bishop Burger?
It's a huge piece of meat, jammed between two tiny buns!

[Juniper]

Jesus is leading the group carrying the cross to his death, people are throwing things and stones...suddenly he stops the crowd stops to listen....and he says..."those without sin cast the first stone".

Suddenly, he's hit in the head with a rock, Jesus says..."Mom, sometimes you really piss me off."