What's your sickest joke?

[Juniper]

Rob told me that he thinks his dog is secretly gay.

I was offended and I asked him how he could possible know that.

Rob said, "Well, his cock tastes like shit".

[Juniper]

Rob's daughter walks into the bathroom and sees her father in the shower. Being young and quite naive she points to her fathers penis and asks when she will get 'one of those'.

Rob looks at his watch. "When your mother leaves for work"

[husaberg]

The Harry Potter films are so unrealistic. The flying car and magical powers are believable but a ginger hair kid with two mates!!

How did the little redneck girl know her mother was on her period.......

Her brothers dick tasted funny!(bound to have been posted many times but i don't care)

Q: Why do women have legs?
A: So they don't leave a trail like a slug.

well salman rushdie has got a knighthood for winding up the muslims, and he's really going for a seat in the house of lords with a new book .

its called "Buddha is a cunt"

Why do Arab women have red dots on their foreheads?
Target practice for their husbands

*How many emo's does it take to change a lightbulb?
None, they'd rather sit in the dark and cry about it.

*How many emo kids does it take to paint a wall?
Depends on how hard you throw them

*What's better than 50 emo kids nailed to a tree?
One emo kid nailed to fifty trees.

*how many emo kids does it take to screw in a light bulb?
3,One to replace it, & two to write a poem about how they miss the old one

*did you hear about that new emo pizza??? It cuts itself!

*If a blonde and an emo kid jump off a building and hit the ground at the same time, who dies first?

The blonde, she drowns in the emo kid's tears.

*What's the difference between an Emo kid and a dead baby?
The baby doesn't cry.

*What do you call an emo kid outside the mall?
Anything he'll cry no matter what you do.

*What's emo's favourite film?
Suicider-Man 2

*How do you get an emo down from a tree?
cut the rope!!

Old Mother Hubbard, went to her cupboard to fetch her poor dog a bone.
But when she bent over, Rover took over and the bitch got a bone of her own.

[husaberg]

Women are like parking spaces, normally all the good ones are gone. So, occasionally, when no one's looking, you stick it in a disabled one.

[Juniper]

Rob enters a pharmacy and asks for birth control pills for his 7 year-old daughter.

The pharmacist is a little shocked and asks, “Your 7 year-old daughter is sexually active?”

“No,” replies Rob, “she just sort of lays there and cries.”

[Juniper]

Rob's girlfriend asked him to pretend that she was 14 while she gave him a blow job. He refused to participate, saying it was weird and gross.

He asked, "You're going to be 14 in a couple of years anyway, what's the rush?"

[husaberg]

Why is the Bible like a penis?

You get it forced down your throat by a priest.

[husaberg]

A family of prostitutes are talking.
The daughter says, "I got £50 for a blow job today".
The mother says, "in my day it was £5".
The Grandmother says, "in my day we were just glad for the warm drink".

[husaberg]

Two Paddies were talking about films

The first says "That old bird who played Pussy Galour in that James Bond film has completeley split open her fanny"

The second says "Honor Blackman?"

"No, With a dildo" he replied.

[husaberg]

I was feeling a little depressed, so i phoned the samaritans. The british branch was busy so they put me through to the Pakistan branch.

I told them I was feeling suicidal, they said "Great, can you fly a plane?"

[husaberg]

A Priest, A Rabbi, and a Black man all jump out of an airplane, which one survives?
- Who cares?

[husaberg]

Whats brown and runny?


Ussain Bolt.

[husaberg]

One night a little girl awoke and she decided to go into her mum and dads room, but no one was there, so she made her way to the garage, and heard something very peculiar coming from the steamed car...
The next morning, the little girl awoke, went down stairs, and whilst eating her breakfast, asked her mother, ''what where you and dad doing last night mummy in the garage?''
The mother paused... ''We where baking cakes my dear.''

The next night, the girl awoke again, went into her mothers bedroom... and alas, no one was there. So she went to the bathroom, and noticed the light was on, and unusual sound where coming from the bathtub.
The next morning, the girl asked her mother again, ''What where you and daddy doing in the bathroom last night...?''
''Oh... you know... baking cakes again my dear.''

Then, on the third night, the girl crept down the stair case, and heard unusual activity in the living room.
The next morning, the girl said, ''I know what you where doing last night mummy.''
Th mother asked curiously... ''What?''
''You where baking cakes...''
''How do you know that?'' The mother asked in shock.
The girl replied rubbing her tummy, ''I licked the icing off the sofa...''

[husaberg]

It seems Mike Tyson may be more sensitive than we might have thought. He claims that he sometimes cries during sex....... Then again thats what mace is made for!

[husaberg]

two part gag.

My mate has being feeling really depressed and suicidal recently

so i decided to cheer him up, so i pushed him in front of a steam train.........


HE WAS CHUFFED TO BITS