What's your sickest joke?

[Juniper]

A truck Driver was driving through a small town in west Virginia one day when he came upon a local watering hole and decided to stop, have a drink and a burger. Having been on the road for so long of a time he figured he'd better use the restroom before lunch. As he was standing at the urinal three black men walked in and one of them started using the urinal next to him. The urinals having no dividers between them, the truck driver couldn't help but notice that the black man standing next to him had a white dick. The driver hurriedly washed his hands and left the restroom and went out into the bar to sit and place his lunch order. The bartender noticing that the truck driver was very upset and pale ask him what had him so shaken. The truck driver explained the scene in the bathroom and told the bartender I have never seen anything like this, a black man with a white dick! The bartender trying his best to calm him told the truck driver, that's not a big deal, you're simply mistaken. The three black men you saw in the bathroom are not niggers, they're coalminer's and one with the white dick just got married last night!

[Juniper]

A father walks into a pharmacy, goes to the counter and asks the pharmacist about getting birth control for his 11 year old daughter. "My god, your 11 year old is sexually active!" the pharmacist exclaims. The dad replies "not really, she just lies there and cries."



A father walks into a pharmacy, goes to the counter and asks the pharmacist about getting the morning after pill for his nine year old daughter. "My god, your nine year old is sexually active !" the pharmacist exclaims.

The dad replies, "Not yet. Last night I was drunk and mistook her for her 11 year old sister."

[Juniper]

I saw a recent one night stand earlier:

"Oi, I want a word with you" she yelled, "I only fucked you 'cos you said you'd put me in a movie."

"I already have love" I replied, "you're a big hit on Redtube."

[Juniper]

The Last Kiss

Back on January 9th, a group of Pekin , Illinois bikers were riding west on I-74 when they saw a girl about to jump off the Murray Baker Bridge . So they stopped.

George, their leader, a big burly man of 53, gets off his Harley, walks through a group of gawkers, past the State Trooper who was trying to talk her down off the railing, and says,

"Hey Baby.....whatcha doin' up there on that railin'?"

She says tearfully, "I'm going to commit suicide!!"

While he didn't want to appear 'sensitive', George also didn't want to miss this 'be-a-legend' opportunity either so he asked..."Well, before you jump, Honey-Babe... Why don't you give ole George here your best last kiss?"

So, with no hesitation at all, she leaned back over the railing and did just that... And it was a long, deep, lingering kiss followed immediately by another even better one.

After they breathlessly finished, George gets a big thumbs-up approval from his biker-buddies, the onlookers, and even the State Trooper, and then says,

"Wow! That was the best kiss I have ever had, Honey! That's a real talent you're wasting, Sugar Shorts. You could be famous if you rode with me. Why the hell are you committing suicide?"

"My parents don't like me dressing up like a girl."

It's still unclear whether she jumped or was pushed

[Juniper]

A man raped his own mother and when they asked him why he did it he replied,

"I wanted to surprise her with grandchildren"

[Juniper]

Lady in labour, shouting the usual shit, "Get this out of me! Give me the drugs!" She turns to her boyfriend and says, "You did this to me, you fucker!" He casually replies, "If you remember, I wanted to stick it up your arse, but you said, 'fuck off it'll be too painful.'"

I like my women how I like my scotch....
....twelve years old and mixed up with coke.

So this guy goes to Australia for a tourist trip and on the border they ask him if he had ever stayed in jail or had been arrested. So he says: " I did not know that was still required"

A 12 year old boy gets hit by a car at a busy intersection.
A woman witnesses the entire event and runs over to the little boy, who’s lying on the ground in a pool of blood.
She gently cradles the boy’s head in her arms and whispers, “Do you need a priest?”
The boy moans, “How you can think of sex at a time like this?”

A woman goes to the doctors complaining of stomach cramps. She gets sent off for some test and comes back a week later.
"Well, I hope you're ready for endless sleepless nights of crying and changing dirty nappies!" the doc says.
"Wow, you mean I'm pregnant?" the woman replies thrilled.
"No, you've got bowel cancer."

A lawyer is sitting in his parked BMW when a tow truck crashes into the car. The crash takes car door clean off and the driver speeds away. The lawyer immediately signals a cop and begins ranting about how much the damage to his car is going to cost. The cop replies, "You lawyers are so materialistic. All you care about is money." The lawyer says, "How DARE you call me materialistic." The cop replies, "Well, you've been so concerned about your car that you didn't notice that your arm is missing." The lawyer screams, "FUCK! My Rolex!"

[Juniper]

I just found out I can suck my own cock.

Never try to rape a woman who's got a Stanley knife.

[Juniper]

How many dead hookers does it take to change a light bulb?

Apparently not 3, My fucking basement is still dark

[Juniper]

I hate it when my girls calls me daddy during sex....I know I'm her father, I don't need to be constantly reminded

[Juniper]

The poor man asks the rich man, "what are you going to give your wife this Christmas?" The rich man tells him, "I'm giving her diamond earrings and a Mercedes." The poor man asks, "why are you getting her those two gifts?" The rich man replies, "Well, if she doesn't like the earrings she can drive to the store and exchange them." The poor man nods.

Then, the rich man asks the poor man, "What are you going to give your wife this year?" The poor man thinks about it for a second and says, "I'm giving her a pair of slippers and a dildo." Confused, the rich man asks "Why are you giving her those two things?" To which the poor man reponds, "Well, if she doesn't like the slippers then she can go fuck herself."

[Juniper]

What do you call a black man who flies an airplane?

A pilot you fucking racists!

[Juniper]

Which one of these things just doesn't belong: drum, full house, submissive, blow job.

You can beat a drum, you can beat a full house, you can beat a submissive, but you can't beat a blow job!

[Juniper]

little johnny is sitting out side the church next an ants nest pounding away with his fist on the nest saying "DIE FUCKING ANTS, DIE YOU USELESS FUCKING ANTS"
The priest hears johnny, walks over and asks "what are you doing there little johnny"
Johnny looks at the padre and says "i'm killing these useless fucking ants padre"
The priest looks johnny in the eye and says " Johnny i want you to name me 3 things that god put on this earth which have absolutely no use at all"
so johnny thinks for a bit and says "right, nun's cunts, priest's balls and these fucking ants"

[Juniper]

There once was a man named O'Toole
Who couldn't follow a single Catholic rule
So he converted to Islam to start a new life
And suddenly felt better about beating his wife.

[Juniper]

how do you kill a retard?

Put scissors in their hand and ask them "who is special?"

....

"I'm Special, I'm Special..." screams the retard as they slap/stab themselves in the chest.