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Thread: What's your sickest joke?

  1. #1246
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    A young boy was sitting on his grandfather's lap watching him smoke a cigar, he asked his grandfather.
    "Can i try your cigar granddad?"
    The grandfather replies. "Does you dick touch your asshole?"
    To which the little boy replies. "No it doesn't"
    "Then you can't try my cigar."
    The next day the little boy sees his grandfather drinking a beer, going up to him he asked.
    "Can i try your beer granddad?"
    'Does you dick touch your asshole?" Asked the grandfather.
    Again the boy says no.
    "Then you cannot try my beer."
    Later granddad sees the little boy eating some cookies.
    "Can I have a cookies?" Asked the grandfather.
    "Does your dick touch your asshole?" Asked the little boy.
    "Yes it does." Replies the grandfather.
    "Then go fuck yourself grandfather because you aren't getting a cookie."
    What's the point in living if you don't feel alive?

    Toying with ones mortality shouldn't be this much fun.

  2. #1247
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    Years ago had a teacher called mr glasscock

    You could always see him cumming
    What's the point in living if you don't feel alive?

    Toying with ones mortality shouldn't be this much fun.

  3. #1248
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    Paddy and Mick were both laid off, so they went to the unemployment office. When asked his occupation,
    Paddy answered, 'Knicker Stitcher.. I sew da elastic onto ladies' knickers and thongs..'

    The clerk looked up Knicker Stitcher on his computer and, finding it classified as unskilled labour, he gave him £80 a week unemployment pay.

    Mick was next in and when asked his occupation replied, 'Diesel Fitter.'

    Since a diesel fitter was a skilled job, the clerk gave Mick £160 a week.

    When Paddy found out he was furious.. He stormed back into the office to find out why his friend and co-worker was collecting double his pay.

    The clerk explained, 'Knicker Stitchers are unskilled labour and Diesel Fitters are skilled labour.'

    'What skill?' yelled Paddy.. 'I sew da elastic on da knickers and thongs, then Mick puts 'em over his head and says: 'Yep, diesel fitter.'
    What's the point in living if you don't feel alive?

    Toying with ones mortality shouldn't be this much fun.

  4. #1249
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    Who are the fastest readers in the world?
    The 9/11 victims, they went through 100 stories in 15 seconds.

    Why did Princess Diana cross the road?
    She wasn't wearing a seatbelt.

    How did they know Princess Diana had dandruff?
    The found her head n shoulders in the glove box.

  5. #1250
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    20th January 2010 - 14:41
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    SAFE SEX TIPS

    These days, safe sex isn't just a good idea, it's a
    matter of life or death. Here are some valuable tips
    to help you "play it safe":

    * Do not blow dealers for crack; blow regular citizens
    for cash, then buy the crack directly.

    * Think about parents' nude bodies during foreplay;
    resultant loss of erection will prevent potential
    unsafe sex.

    * Wash hands thoroughly before fisting goat.

    * Under no circumstances should you give CPR to a stranger.

    * Avoid dipping penis in buckets of AIDS-infected blood.

    * Don't fall for lines like, "God protects his servants in
    the clergy from harm."

    * Pull out cat's teeth before pouring gravy over vagina.

    * Do not, no matter how much peers may pressure you, allow
    anyone to get to third base with you.

    * Make sure all open sores on penis have thoroughly dried
    and scabbed over before use.

    * When taking four cocks in the ass, make sure to have an
    equal amount of cock in your mouth to reduce the risk of
    CHI imbalance.

    * Stock up on free safe-sex pamphlets at local health clinic;
    use them to make paper-mache genital wrap.

    * Before fellating anonymous man in back room of gay bar,
    be sure to ask, "You don't have AIDS, do you?"

    * Douse penis liberally with D-Con roach spray before
    penetrating ape.

    * You CAN get it from kissing -- tear out partner's tongue
    before any mouth-to-mouth contact.

    * To prevent radiation exposure, use only lead-based condoms.

    * Avoid talking to homosexuals at all costs.

    * If you must engage in unsafe sex, take time out beforehand
    to hope for the best.



    Kinky is using a feather. Perverted is using the whole chicken

  6. #1251
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    Kinky is using a feather. Perverted is using the whole chicken

  7. #1252
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    Has anyone else noticed how Homeopaths Without Borders aren't lining up to treat the ebola outbreak in Africa?

  8. #1253
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    Q: What do you do when your dishwasher breaks down?
    A: Slap the bitch

    Q: What's the best gift for a dead baby?
    A: A dead puppy

    Q: What is that black goo between elephants toes?
    A: Slow moving natives

    Q: What's worse than ten dead babies in one garbage can?
    A: One dead baby in ten garbage cans

    A young girl is speaking with her father.
    "Daddy, what's that between your legs?"
    "That's my hedgehog."
    "Wow, it's got a massive cock."

    A little girl asks her father, "where do little girls come from?"
    The father says, "they come from a hard-on."
    The little girl then asks her father, "where does a hard-on come from?"
    The father says, "little girls!"



    Kinky is using a feather. Perverted is using the whole chicken

  9. #1254
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    I took a girl home from the pub last night but I ended up falling asleep on the sofa..

    I must have picked up her drink by mistake.

  10. #1255
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    Kinky is using a feather. Perverted is using the whole chicken

  11. #1256
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    What`s the difference between a woman and police speed trap?

    With a woman you can see the twat behind the bush.

  12. #1257
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    20th January 2010 - 14:41
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    stuffffffffffffffffff.......
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    Kinky is using a feather. Perverted is using the whole chicken

  13. #1258
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    Q: Why do women fake orgasms?
    A: Because they think we care.

    Q: What is the difference between Love, True Love and showing off?
    A: Spit, swallow and gargle.

    Q: What do Jack the Ripper and Winnie the Pooh have in common?
    A: The same middle name.

    Q: Why does Mike Tyson always have tears in his eyes when he's having sex?
    A: Mace.

    Q: What's yellow and sleeps alone?
    A: Yoko Ono.

    Q: What do peanut butter and prostitutes have in common?
    A: They both spread for bread.

    Q: How do Catholics separate the men from the boys?
    A: With a crowbar.

    Q: What's the definition of a complete and utter business failure?
    A: A pregnant hooker.

    Q: What's 14 inches long and has an arsehole behind it?
    A: John Key's tie.



    Kinky is using a feather. Perverted is using the whole chicken

  14. #1259
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    What's the difference between Hitler and Michael Phelps?

    Michael Phelps can finish a race.

  15. #1260
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    A woman complained to her doctor that she and her husband never had sex anymore.
    So the doctor gave her a bottle of pills and told her to put them in his drink and she
    would be "satisfied."
    The woman, somewhat dubious, put one pill in his coffee that evening. That night
    they fucked better than ever before.
    The next morning, she put two in his coffee, and an hour later they get stuck into it again.
    This time with more passion than the night before.
    The next day, she said, "What the hell," and put the entire bottle in.
    A few days later, the doctor called to check on her progress. The woman's son answers
    the phone. When the doctor asked how she was doing, the son replied, "Mom's dead,
    My Sister is pregnant; my arsehole hurts, and Dad is out naked on the front lawn yelling
    'Here kitty, kitty.'"



    Kinky is using a feather. Perverted is using the whole chicken

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