What's your sickest joke?

[husaberg]

A man is walking by a church one Sunday, and sees a cute little five year old girl
sitting on the sidewalk, dressed up very nicely, playing with her dog.
The man asks, "What is your name little girl?" "Candy," says the little girl.
"They call me that because I like candy so much. And this is my dog Porky."
"They call him that because he likes pork so much?" the man wonders.
"No," she says. "They call him Porky because he likes to fuck pigs."

[husaberg]

A young girl was having a heart-to-heart talk with her mother on her first visit
home since starting university.
"Mum, I have to tell you," the girl confessed. "I lost my virginity last weekend."
"I'm not surprised," said her mother. "It was bound to happen sooner or later.
I just hope it was a romantic and a pleasurable experience."
"Well, yes and no," the pretty daughter remarked.
"The first eight guys felt great, but after them my pussy got really sore."

[husaberg]

A young priest, who is still unsure of the penance to dole out during
confession, asks an older priest what he should give a cocksucker.
"Oh," says the older priest, "give the altar boy a dollar or so, if you feel like it.
Personally, I never give them more than fifty cents."

[husaberg]

Apologies in advance its pretty sick even by my standards look at your own risk
You have been warned

[husaberg]

don't look if you don't understand what a sick joke thread is..........

[husaberg]

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[husaberg]

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[husaberg]

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[husaberg]

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[gjm]

Landed in jail last week, and got buggered absolutely senseless.


'Uncle' John takes Monopoly very seriously...

[husaberg]

What is black and sits at the top of a set of stairs?
A quadriplegic in a house fire.

What’s black, crispy and comes on a stick?
Joan Of Ark.

What do a fur trapper and a necrophiliac have in common?
They are both looking for dead beaver

What did the teacher do for the girl who was having trouble with Sex Education?
Kept her after class and pounded it into her.

Marriage is a 3 ring circus: Engagement ring, wedding ring, and suffering.

[Robbo]

A shitty day at the sports track...

[gjm]

Jailbreak!

[Juniper]

"I used to have HERpes, now its OURpes".

[Juniper]

A bald man with a wooden leg gets invited to a Halloween party. He decides that he would like to wear a costume that conceals his slightly odd appearance, but can't think of any costumes that would look good and do the job. Out of ideas, he writes a email to a costume company explaining his issue. A few days later a package arrives with a note:

Dear Sir,
Please find enclosed a pirate's outfit. The spotted handkerchief will cover your bald head and, with your wooden leg, you will be just right as a pirate.

Very truly yours,
Acme Costume Co.

The man thinks this is a terrible idea because they have emphasized his wooden leg, so he writes a letter of complaint. A week goes by and he receives another parcel and a note, which says:

Dear Sir,
Please find enclosed a monk's costume. The long robe will cover your wooden leg and, with your bald head, you will really look the part.

Very truly yours,
Acme Costume Co.

Now the man is really upset since they have gone from emphasizing his wooden leg to emphasizing his bald head. So again he writes the company another nasty email of complaint.

The next day he gets a small parcel and a note, which reads:

Dear Sir,
Please find enclosed a bottle of molasses and a bag of crushed nuts. Pour the molasses over your bald head, pat on crushed nuts, stick your wooden leg up your ass and go as a caramel apple.

Very truly yours,
Acme Costume Co.