What's your sickest joke?

[Juniper]

A white woman and a black man are dancing at a club, and after a while things start to get hot and heavy. After some heavy kissing and petting, the woman makes the suggestion that they return to her apartment for the night.

When the couple arrives at the woman's apartment, they begin passionately kissing and undressing each other, preparing to have frenzied and unrepentant sex with each other.

However, the white woman, curious as she was, asked the black guy as he was taking off his pants, "before you take them off....is it true what they say about black guys?"

With a suave yet sinister look, he looked into her eyes and said "baby, of course." He then proceeded to stab her and ran out with her purse.

-What's the useless skin around a vagina called? The woman.

-How do you keep an Indian out of your back yard? Move the trash cans to the front.

-If a black guy, a Mexican, and a redneck are all in a car together, who's driving? The police.

-What's the best thing about a blow job? Ten minutes of silence.

-Why do men have a hole in their penis? So they can get air to their brain.

-What's better than winning gold at the Paralympics?
Walking.

-What do you call a bunch of white guys sitting on a bench
The NBA

-What do you call 300 white men chasing a black man? The PGA Tour.

[Juniper]

If my jokes offend you...


1. I am really very sorry.

2. I will tone it down.

3. 1 & 2 are lies.

4. You're a cunt.

[Juniper]

Sometimes it seems like even dogs are treated better than me.

For example, when mine got one dog pregnant then went and shagged another one, everybody laughed about it. But when my wife was pregnant and I got caught doing exactly the same thing, I was charged with bestiality.

[husaberg]

What does a 14 year old girl from Gore say after the first time that she has sex?
Get off of me Dad you're crushing my cigarettes..

What is the difference between a woman and a donkey?
Nothing, you can ride them both!

How do you piss your girlfriend of when your having sex?
You phone her up.

What's the best thing about a blowjob?
Ten minutes of silence.

What's dangerous and eats nuts?
Syphilis.

What are the first symptom of AIDS?
A pounding sensation in the arse.

[Juniper]

Q: What does a blow job from your Granny have in common with bungee jumping?

A: They both feel great but for Christ's sake don't look down!
.................................................. .................................................. ...........................

Q: How do you know if your girlfriend is turned on by you?

A: When you reach down her panties it feels like you are feeding a horse.
.................................................. .................................................. ...........................

A leper walked into a bar and sat down. The bartender glanced over and promptly threw up all over himself and the floor.

The leper looked hurt and said, "Hey, I know I'm not exactly handsome, but I do have feelings and you could be a little sensitive about them."

The bartender, wiping his mouth on his sleeve, looked up and proclaimed, "I'm sorry as hell man, but it wasn't you. That guy sitting next to you keeps dipping his crackers in your neck."

[unstuck]

What does a 14 year old girl from Gore say after the first time that she has sex?
Get off of me Dad you're crushing my cigarettes..

Pfffft, wrong. Most of them are pregnant and not living at home by then.

[Banditbandit]

Pfffft, wrong. Most of them are pregnant and not living at home by then.

And whose fault is that then !!!!

It's all shits and giggles until someone gets pregnant

[unstuck]

And whose fault is that then !!!!

It's all shits and giggles until someone gets pregnant

I blame it on society's bullshit acceptance of alcohol abuse, and parental apathy.

[haydes55]

And whose fault is that then !!!!

It's all shits and giggles until someone gets pregnant

I blame it on sexy daughters.

[husaberg]

[Juniper]

In Sunday school, Sister Mary asked the class: "What part of the body goes to heaven first?"

In the back of the class, nasty Billy waved his hand frantically, but Sister Mary, suspecting a wrong answer, turned to another child. "Yes, Susan?"

"The heart goes to heaven first because that's where God's love lives."

"Excellent," said Sister Mary, "and you, Charlotte?"

"The soul, Sister Mary, because that's the part that lives beyond death."

"Very good, Charlotte," said the Sister, as she noticed Billy's hand still waving in desperation."

"OK, Billy, what do you think?"

"It's the feet that go first, Sister, the feet."

"That's a strange answer Billy. Why the feet?"

Billy answered, "Because I saw my mom with her feet up in the air, shouting, 'God, I'm coming, I'm coming!'"

[Juniper]

What do you call someone with HIV in a wheelchair?

Rollaids

[husaberg]

A sadist, a masochist, a murderer, a necrophiliac, a zoophiliac and a pyromaniac are all sitting on a bench in a mental institution.

"Let's have sex with a cat?" asked the zoophiliac.

"Let's have sex with the cat and then torture it?" says the sadist.

"Let's have sex with the cat, torture it and then kill it?" shouted the murderer.

"Let's have sex with the cat, torture it, kill it and then have sex with it again?" said the necrophiliac.

"Let's have sex with the cat, torture it, kill it, have sex with it again and then burn it?" said the pyromaniac.

There was silence, and then the masochist said: "Meow."

[husaberg]

how is your first car like anal sex?

You don't really want it, but Dad is giving it to you anyways.

[husaberg]

What's the difference between a dead baby and a sandwich? I don't fuck my sandwich before I eat it.




Three men are driving down the highway when their car breaks down. Pissed off, broke, and in the middle of nowhere, they start walking for help.

After several hours, they come across a building with a sign that read "Can you beat a world record? Prove it for $500".

The first guy thinks for a few minutes and says, "We're pretty strapped for cash... Can either of you do it?".

The second guy thinks about it for a few seconds and says, "You know what? My nose is pretty big, maybe it's the biggest in the world." and then heads inside. A few minutes later, he comes out with the cash in his hand.

The third guys sees this and says, "My hands are pretty big. Maybe they're the biggest in the world." and heads inside. Sure enough, he comes back with $500.

The first guy begins anxiously pacing and says, "Guys, I'm kind of embarrassed about this but my dick is really small. Maybe it's the smallest in the world." and heads inside.

After an hour, he finally comes back out and looks Pissed. He walks up to his friends and says, "Fuck, I didn't get the money and that was embarrassing. But who the fuck is akzle