What's your sickest joke?

[0arbreaka]

One day there was a little girl and it was her birthday, but her parents had to go out for the night so they hired a babysiter and told him to let the girl do whatever she wanted to do because it was her birthday.

So when the parents left, the little girl was playing and the babysiter got tired so he said "I'm going to take a shower and the little girl said "Oh, can I take a shower with you?" and the babysiter said " Uh, O.K. Just don't look down."

When they were taking a shower the little girl dropped the shampoo and when she picked it up she saw his dick and said "What's that?"

The guy said "Um, it's a ruber ducky" and the girl says "O.K."

Then the babysiter said "I'm tired I'm going to go to sleep." and the girl says "Can I go to sleep with you?" and the guy says "Um, O.K. Just don't look under the covers."

So when they're in the bed there's a thunderstorm and the girl gets scared and hides under the covers. Then she looks at the guys dick and says "Can I play with your rubber ducky because I'm scared" and the guy says " Uh, O.K." and he falls asleep.

The next morning he looks at the bed and he sees the there is blood all over the place and he asks the little girl "What Happened" and the little girl says"The rubber ducky spit at me so I chopped it's head off."

[0arbreaka]

There once was a little boy who was celebrating his 11th birthday.

He decided to test his family to see if they remembered his birthday, so he goes downstairs to his father. "Bet cha' can't guess how old I am today", the boy said.

The father has no clue and finally gives up. "I'm eleven!" the boy exclaims.

Next he goes in the kitchen, walks up to his grandma, and says, "Bet cha' can't guess how old I am today".

"Let me give it a guess", grandma says and sticks her hand in his trousers.

She plays with his testicles for about an hour or so (squeezing them; moving them back and forth), takes her hand out of his trousers, and says, "You're eleven years old".

"How did you know?" the boy asked.

Grandma replied, "I heard you tell your father".

[0arbreaka]

One day two brothers, Jack & John decide to go out diving for seafood.

They quickly manage to fill up a sack of seafood so Jack decides to take it back to shore & grab another sack to fill.

John is out at sea all by himself when he see's a shark coming towards him.

Frantically he calls out to his brothr Jack who is still at shore, "Bro Help me Help me there is a shark heading straight for me."

Jack calls back "Yeah Im coming bro"

John is freaking out, the shark swims right up to him & bites off his leg.

Again he is calling out to Jack who is still at the shoreline "Bro come and help me, the sharks bitten off one of my legs.

Jack yells back "yeah hold on Im coming!!"

John tries to stay calm and wait for his brother but then the shark bites off one of his arms.

He yells back to his brother Jack "Hurry!! Come and help me the shark has bitten off my arm and my leg."

Jack calls back "Hold on Im coming!!!"

Then the shark bites off his other leg, John yells "Jack you have to come & save me. The shark has bitten off both my legs and an arm."

And as usual Jack replies. "Just wait Im coming"

The shark then bites off Johns other arm.

Now John has no arms or legs.

His brother finally arrives to save him.

Come on bro, get on my back & I will swim you back to shore.

When they get to the shoreline Jack says with an exhausted sigh "I feel fucked"

And John replies "Well I had to hold on some how!!!"

[0arbreaka]

Just after a woman gives birth to her baby, the doctor asks if she wants the good news or the bad news.

"The bad news, doctor", replies the mother.

"It's ginger", says the doctor.

"So what's the good news?!"

"It's dead."

[0arbreaka]

What's pink and silver and runs around screaming?
-A baby with a fork in each eye.

What's the difference between a bucket of gravel and a bucket of baby guts?
-You can't gargle with gravel.

What do you do when a dead baby washes up on shore?
-Try to hide your erection.

What's the best thing about fu*king a baby?
-Hearing its pelvis crack!

How do you make a baby drink?
-Put it in a blender!

What's yellow and blue and sits at the bottom of a pool?
A baby with slashed arm bands.

What's pink, red and yellow and floats on the top of a pool?
Arm bands with a slashed baby.

How fast can you paint a barn red?
Depends how hard you throw the babies.

What sits in the corner with its smile getting bigger and bigger?
A baby eating razor blades.

What's pink and bubbly and goes round and round, tapping on glass?
A baby in a microwave

What's funnier than a dead baby?
A dead baby in a clown costume.

What's the difference between a truck load of dead babies and a truck load of bowling balls?
You can't unload a truck load of bowling balls with a pitch fork

How do you make a baby float?
take your foot off its head

How do you make a baby crawl in circles?
Nail its hand to the floor.

[Drew]

This far:

Dude gets a pay rise and a bonus, and gets carted off to LA for a few nights to do some consulting work.

One night, he thinks to himself, "Fuck it. I'm not getting any at home and with all this extra money, I'm going to get myself the most expensive hooker I can find."

He finds a nice expensive hooker and they go back to his hotel room and they start having sex.

Mid thrust, he stops and say to the hooker "Its like sand paper down there, you've got 5 minutes to fix it, or you can leave and I wont pay you anything."

She goes off to the bathroom and comes out 5 minutes later and they start going at it. Its the best sex he has ever had.

Afterwards when they are laying there in what you might call the after glow, he leans over and asks "What did you do to make it so much better?"

She says "Oh I picked the scabs and let the pus run a little."

I cannot even begin to say.....scroll down















































HOW FUCKIN FUNNY THAT IS!!!!!!!

Ps, that's why, ya never go down on a rental

[Patrick]

After a few hours of mind blowing great sex and a little snooze, he looks down and sees his Thai girlfriend, stroking his cock, looking at it...

She looks up...

"Do you want more?" He asks...

"no" she says.....




















"I just admiring your one... I really miss mine, long time..."

[BUNGY]

Q. If a farmer plants a field of vibrators what would his biggest problem be
A. Squatters

[BUNGY]

A cat tries to get a sausage out of the river but gets its paws wet, then sees a bigger one, but falls in. Moral of the story? Bigger the sausage, wetter the pussy

[Disco Dan]

WANTED: One small black boy to replace mudflap on old cortina. Must be flexible and willing to travel.


(a little racist, but you asked for the sickest i knew...)

[sidecar bob]

A rubbish man was doing his rounds when he came to a house that didnt have a bin outside.
Knowing that the people usually put a bin out, he knocks on the door.
after a very long time a small asian man answers the door, Rubbish man says "wheres ya bin"? asian man says ", i bin working on compwutor"
Rubbish man says, " no no, wheres ya WHEELIE bin"?
Long pause, Asian man says "awww, i wheelie bin having a wank.

[0arbreaka]

-D'ya know what's the worst thing about this bird flu?
-It's untweetable

-First the prostitutes and now the turkeys...
-Not much chance of getting a gobble in Suffolk now then.

-Why are American pilots like gay porn stars?
-Both shoot up their friends asses on camera.

[0arbreaka]

-What did James Brown say before he died?
-I don't feel good.

-What have Richard Hammond and Elton John got in common?
-They both have skid marks on their helmet.

-What do Richard Hammond and Kate Moss have in common?
-They both got fucked on Top Gear.

[0arbreaka]

-Have you heard about the Top Gear breakfast special?
-Sausage, bacon, mushrooms, beans, Hammond scrambled legs.

-What do Thais have to quench their thirst?
-A Coup of Thai!

-Why shouldn't you buy Russian underpants?
-Because cher-nob'll fall out.

[0arbreaka]

-How can you tell an Indonesian prostitute?
-She's the one in the fish nets

-Did you hear the one about Saddam?
-He got a suspended sentence.

-Whats Saddam's marital status?
-Swinger