What's your sickest joke?

[husaberg]

I met an amazing girl on the internet. Smart, sexy and uninhibited.

Of course, it turned out to be a twelve year old paraplegic boy.

I'll be honest, the sex was disappointing.

[husaberg]

My wife says that she can't feel my cock when I fuck her.

Maybe the silly bitch should have thought about that before she got paralysed in a car crash.

[husaberg]

I was excited to hear my mates had organised a weekend of parachuting but it was a big disappointment.

I thought we were going to be hunting crippled athletes.

[FJRider]

I passed a group of Girl Scouts this morning, with a stall that read "Home Made Lemonade: $15.00, Oral Sex: $5.00".

"Here's twenty Dollars girls, but I think you've got your prices mixed up", I chuckled.

"Once you've finished going down on me, you'll be gagging for that lemonade", said the sweaty fat one.

[FJRider]

Buckingham Palace has announced that the new royal baby has been placed on a life support system.

The Civil List

[FJRider]

Ok, so this girl on Facebook posted a status which read:

"How can I get rid of this morning sickness?"

Turns out replying, "Try a coat hanger" is a good way to get yourself deleted.

[FJRider]

The body of executed drug smuggler Andrew Chan will be flown home from Indonesia on Malaysian Airlines.

A spokesperson for his family said it's what Andrew wanted.To be buried at sea.

[FJRider]

A guy goes to the pub, and says to his friend "You won't believe what happened. I was taking a short cut along the railway track, and I found a girl tied to it. I untied her, and then we had sex over and over again, all the positions, everything.

His friend replies, "That's great: did you get a blow job?"

Oh, no: I never found her head.

[husaberg]

How do you stop a dog from humping your leg?
Pick him up and suck his dick.


What did Jeffrey Dahmer said to Lorena Bobbitt?
"You gonna eat that?"

How do you know if you have an overbite?
If you're eating pussy and it tastes like shit.

What's white, has six legs & runs around a paddock?
A ram doin' a ewe ee.

How does a blind sky-diver know when he’s getting close to the ground?
The leash on his guide dog goes slack!

[husaberg]

The wall surface was rough they told the guy to plain it.

[Swoop]

The wall surface was rough they told the guy to plain it.

Why was the first "pop-up advert" for Ardmore flying school???!!

[gjm]

When I first discovered masturbation at Catholic school, I was terrified - I thought I was broken.

I couldn't understand why jizz was coming out of my cock instead of my arsehole like it normally did.

[husaberg]

bad accident scene. He jumps out and runs over to see if he can be of any assistance.
There is a badly injured man lying on the road bleeding to death and the paramedics are
giving it all they've got - mouth to mouth, pumping the heart etc. but no luck.
Suddenly another car screeches up to the accident scene and a woman jumps out and runs over
to the dying man. "Let me see if I can help" she says and proceeds to sit on his face.
Seconds later there are signs of recovery and the man begins to regain consciousness.
"How did you do that???" exclaim the paramedics.

"Easy" she says "he didn't need mouth to mouth, he needed a
blood transfusion"

[husaberg]

On their 25th anniversary, a bloke took his wife on a second honeymoon to the same place as their first. Same motel, same room as on their wedding night.
When they checked in, his wife said, "Oh honey, it'll be just like when we got married!"




"Yeah," said the bloke. "Except this time, it'll be me sitting on the edge of the bed, screaming', it's too big, it's too big!'"

[FlangMasterJ]