What's your sickest joke?

[Hobbes-on-a-gsxr]

Ok, here's the three worst jokes i know. I haven't read every page so i apologise if these are repeats

Q: what's the definition of gross?
A: having a dream that you're eating cottage cheese, and waking up to find your grandmother sitting on your face.

Q: why do you put a baby in the blender feet first?
A: so you can watch it's facial expressions while you masturbate.

Q: how do you make a gay fuck a woman?
A: shit in her cunt.
^that one's from Jimmy Carr

Enjoy

[Juniper]

Two young lovers go up to the mountains for a romantic winter vacation. When they get there, the guy goes out to chop some wood.
When he gets back, he says,
"Honey, my hands are freezing!"
She says,
"Well, put them here between my thighs and that will warm them up."
After lunch he goes back out to chop some more wood and comes back and says again, "Man! my hands are really freezing!"
She says again,
"Well, put them here between my thighs and warm them up."
He does, and again that warms him up.
After dinner, he goes out one more time to chop some wood to get them through the night. When he returns, he says again,
"Honey, my hands are really, really freezing!"

She looks at him and says,
"For fucksakes, don't your ears ever get cold?"

[Juniper]

A farmhand is driving around the farm, checking the fences.
He radios his boss.
"I got a problem. I hit a pig on the road and he is stuck on the bull bars of my truck. He's wriggling what should I do?"

"In the back of your truck, there's a shotgun. Shoot the pig in the head and when it stops wriggling you can pull it of and throw it in the bush."
Instructs his boss
The farm worker says
"Ok."
and signs off.

About ten minutes later. He radios back again.
"I did what you said I shot the pig, and dragged it out and threw it in the bush."
"So what's the problem now?"
His boss snapped.

"The blue lights on his motorbike are still flashing!"

[Robbo]

Two Pensioners....

[gjm]

What's the difference between a telly and a pregnant girlfriend?

You don't get a very good reception if you put a coat hanger inside your girlfriend.

[nodrog:Me]

What's the hardest part of a vegetable to eat?





The wheelchair.

[husaberg]

A blonde was admitted to hospital today after having phone sex. Doctors managed to remove 2 Nokias, 3 Motorolas and one Samsung, but no Siemen was found !

[Katman]

Husaberk .

[husaberg]

husaberg drives me wild, I obsess over him general follow him around and even change my signature to include him .

But hey, half a bottle of bourbon and I didn't tell anyone to suck my cock - I must be getting better.

Have you came out of the closet yet?
Its not just because I am not gay, even gay guys would find you to be a ugly ignorant tosspot.

[Akzle]

Have you came out of the closet yet?
Its not just because I am not gay, even gay guys would find you to be a ugly ignorant tosspot.

[unstuck]

Holy fucking moly..... the Akzel has picture capability's now, never thought I would see the day. You stealing your neighbor's internets now akkky.

[Akzle]

Holy fucking moly..... the Akzel has picture capability's now, never thought I would see the day. You stealing your neighbor's internets now akkky.

i'd let your missus blow me.

[gjm]

Girl: Am I pretty?

Boy: No.

Girl: Do you want to be with me forever?

Boy: No.

Girl: Would you be upset if I walked away?

Boy: No.

Girl: Would you cry if I died?

Boy: No.

She had heard enough and was hurt so she walked away with tears rolling down her face.

The boy ran after her and grabbed her arm.

"Also, I fucked your best friend."

[husaberg]

[husaberg]

A family are driving behind a garbage truck when a dildo flies out and thumps against the windscreen.
Embarrassed, and to spare her young daughter's innocence, the mother turns around and says, "Don't worry; that was an insect."
To which, her daughter replies, "I'm surprised it could get off the ground with a cock like that."