What's your sickest joke?

[Drew]

What's the last organ to go cold, in a strangled hooker?
























My cock!

[WristTwister]

Father sitting at home reading the news, when his little girl, only 6 comes running up to him.

Father: "Hello darling"

Girl: "Hi daddy"

Father:"You been playing in the park, with your friends?"

Girl: "Yeah... until the man he came along"

Father:"The man?"

Girl: "yeah and he asked my friends to leave and it was just me and the man at the park."

Father:"What ever happened, darling, none of it was your fault, but I need you to tell me every detail"

Girl: "He took me behind a tree so no one could see us"

Father:"Oh dear darling, then what happened?"

Girl: "Umm he took my dress off"

Father:"Oh god, and then what happened darling?"

Girl: "then he took his thing out.."

Father:"oh darling, it's not your fault, what happened next?"

Girl: "oh nothing else, that was it."

Father:"Fargh, well make something up!"

[husaberg]

My boss gave me the sack today. It's not as bad as you think, sometimes he gives me the shaft as well...............


My wife said to me, "I'm fed up with you being so lazy, pack your bags and leave." I said, "You pack them."


I met a woman last night who told me that she wanted sex really badly. I said "Well i'm definitely your man, i'm fucking terrible.

[WristTwister]

Sign outside a 1 Star Hotel: We don't have ensuite bathrooms, but we do have plastic sheets. If anything, they're even more convenient!

[anebv8]

The wife's insisting I quit my job, because she thinks it's cruel we've started testing our new products on rabbits.
She's got a point, I suppose...
I work in a hammer factory.

[Erelyes]

What's the worst part about breaking up with a Japanese person?
You have to drop the bomb twice before they get the message.

What did Kermit the Frog say at Jim Henson's funeral?
Nothing.

What's white on top and black on bottom?
Society.

What's the difference between John Wayne and Jack Daniels?
Jack Daniels is still killing Indians.

Why does Dr. Pepper come in a bottle?
His wife is dead.

What's the difference between a snow pea and a chick pea?
I wouldn't pay 40 bucks to have a snow pea on my face.

Who's the opposite of Christopher Reeves?
Christopher Walken.

What's the difference between Usain Bolt and Adolf Hitler?
Usain Bolt can finish a race.

Why did Princess Diana cross the road?
She wasn't wearing a seatbelt.

[husaberg]

If you have a green ball in the left hand and a green ball in the right. What do you have?
Kermit the frog’s undivided attention.

---

What's red and orange and looks good on hippies?
Fire.

---

Two guys are walking down the street and see a dog on the lawn, licking his balls.
One guy says to the other, "Man, I sure wish I could do that".

The other guy says, "Don't you think you ought to pet him first?"

---

What do you call a guy with no arms and no legs in a boiling pot?

Stu.

---

What do you call a girl with no arms and no legs hammered into a piece of wood?

Peg.

---

A pirate goes into a bar and sits down.
The bartender says:
"Wow, you look like you've had a long life. Tell me about it. How did you get your wooden leg?"
" Arrr.... me ship capsized and a shark bit me leg off. Then while loading
a canon it blew me hand clean off".
"What about the eye-patch?".
"I happened to look up when a gull flying overhead crapped on me eye".
"Well, that's not that bad..is it?"
"It was the first day I got me hook".

[Katman]

My boss gave me the sack today. It's not as bad as you think, sometimes he gives me the shaft as well.............

We're not surprised.

[husaberg]

We're not surprised.

Shucks another stalker, I will add you to the list.........
Any more homoerotic fantasies you whish to share on open forum?
Or are you just restricting them to PM's?

[Katman]

Or are you just restricting them to PM's?

Dude, I wouldn't piss on you if you were on fire.

Why would I ever PM you?

[husaberg]

Dude, I wouldn't piss on you if you were on fire.

Why would I ever PM you?

So golden showers is your latest homosexual fantasy then?
Thanks for sharing, maybe you should try grinder rather than KB if that's you cup of pee.
Anyway whens you next movie precious?

[Erelyes]

My grandma walked into my room when i was masturbating. she had a stroke........

How many dead hookers does it take to change a light bulb? Obviously not four, because my basement is still dark as shit.

What did Cinderella say when she got to the ball? Nothing, she choked

What does Princess Diana and Pink Floyd have in common? Their last greatest hits were the wall.

What do babies and an etcha sketch have in common? You shake em hard enough and all your mistakes disappear.

Did you hear the joke about the kid with terminal cancer? .............It never gets old

[Erelyes]

Robert Bain asked his son David where he was going on his paper run.

"I'm shooting up Every Street first"

[husaberg]

Lady in labour, shouting the usual shit, "Get this out of me! Give me the drugs!"
She turns to her boyfriend and says, "You did this to me, you fucker!"
He casually replies
"If you remember, I wanted to stick it up your arse.
but you said, 'fuck off it'll be too painful.'"


A ship wrecks onto a deserted island. Two guys and a girl survive. Since they don't have anything to do all day besides eating and sleeping, they just have sex.
Eventually the girl gets sick and dies. The two men don't know what to do with themselves anymore so they keep having sex.
After a few days of sex, they feel guilty about what they've been doing....so they bury her.



A man walks into a petrol station and says, "Can I please have a KitKat Chunky?"
The lady behind the till gets him a KitKat Chunky and brings it back to him.
"No," says the man, "I wanted a normal KitKat, you fat bitch."

[anebv8]

What's the difference between a black man and HIV?
HIV stays with the kids once they're born.