Dirty Johnny climbs onto Santa’s lap at the department store. Santa says, “I’ll bet I know what you want for Christmas.” And with his index finger he taps the boy on the nose with every letter he spells, “T-O-Y-S.”
The little boy answers, “No, I have enough toys.”
Santa tries again, tapping Johnny’s nose with every letter, “C-A-N-D-Y.”
Again, Johnny says, “No, I have all kinds of candy.”
“Well, what would you like for Christmas?” Santa asks.
Johnny replies, tapping Santa on the nose, “P-U-S-S-Y. And don’t tell me you don’t have any because I can smell it on your finger!”
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Q: Why does Santa come down the chimney?
A: Because his pants are tight and he wriggles a lot.
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A little girl climbs up on Santa’s lap, and as usual, Santa asks, “Well, little girl, what do you want for Christmas this year?”
The girl answers “Santa, I want a Barbie and a G.I. Joe.”
Confused, Santa asks, “Doesn’t Barbie come with Ken?”
“No, Santa. Barbie comes with G.I. Joe. She fakes it with Ken.”
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Did you hear that Tampax is replacing the string on tampons with a piece of tinsel? …but just for the Christmas period.
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Q: Why wasn’t Jesus born in Italy?
A: They had the three wise guys, but they couldn’t find a virgin.
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Q: How does a Jew celebrate Christmas?
A: He installs a parking meter on the roof.
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Q: How is a Catholic priest like a Christmas tree?
A: The balls are just for decoration.
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Q: Why doesn’t Santa have any kids?
A: He only comes once a year.
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