What's your sickest joke?

[Bikkie]

Everyone calls it tofu, I prefer toffu.

I cook mine in caramel.




Tofu originated in China and is now popular the world over.

Someone definitely saw a chink in the market.




This year:

Lex Luthor dead.

General Zod dead.

Nuclear Man might want to be careful..




"There she was just walking down the street, singing Doo wah Diddy Diddy dum Diddy doo, snapping her fingers and shuffling her feet, singing doo wah Diddy Diddy dum Diddy doo...she looked good......."

I think you mean she looked deranged




Prince Andrew loves playing poker in Germany

Especially when he gets four of a kind




Last night I did my chore in the house and loaded the dishwasher.

Orgasmed in her anus three times last night.




Black is Black, I want my Baby back...

Who remembers this song?

None of the fucking fathers thats for sure!




"Gloria Gaynor Getting Pushback Now For Daring to Receive Trump Kennedy Center Honor"

Somehow, I think she will survive.



Meghan Markle sports more than £237,000 worth of jewellery to cook a pasta recipe for the commoners on Netflix show.

Her £170 titanium pan was calling her black.



When I was at school, a kid said to me "my dad's bigger than your dad"

I thought to myself "that's weird, when has he seen both our dad's with a hard on?"

[Bikkie]

In a recent statement, President Trump said Russia is a country that "doesn’t make anything."

Vladimir Putin said, "That’s not true, we’re making Ukraine into Russia."



When black people share their music with the world, the loudest and most obscene rap music, it barely gets noticed.

When I blare my music out of my vehicle at top decibel, Offenbach's Orpheus aux Enfers or Schubert's Unfinished Symphony, I truly get the strangest looks.




I've only done a couple of steps today

Claire up the shitter and Faye in her gob



My mate attended a speed awareness course and said it lasted five hours.

Mine was much quicker than that.



Noel Clarke set to reprise his role as a suicide bomber from Star Trek Into Darkness in the next film..

Star Trek: The Wrath of Khan's London





I saw a hen today that had a crystal ball.

I asked the farmer about it.

"Well, " said the Farmer, "he's a chicken that uses it to get in touch with the Other Side of the road."



The manager of Tesco's is asking customers to stop bringing knives into the stores.

He said, "It’s our job to rob you guys."

[Bikkie]

What do you get if you mix a nigger with an octopus?

I have no idea, but it's damn good at picking cotton.



A black bloke at work today proclaimed that he "Only dates black women". I asked " Isn't that kind of racist?", and he said "Na man. When black women have thick lips, a wide noses, and dark rings around their eyes, no one sees any difference, but when a white chick looks like that you get assholes calling the cops and reporting you for beating her".

Oddly, it seems that idea of NOT punching women hasn't ever occurred to him.




Who else is hoping this 3i/atlas is full of giant ananarchi birds looking for snoo snoo like in Futurama?




Anyone else think the Womens Rugby is fantastic?

Just a little hint to help the referees though:

When a 5'5" 17 stone munster with side burns, goatee & a skinhead haircut throws the ball in from the side line & you blow the whistle and shout "not straight" you could be stating the fucking obvious!




Claire Skies? I went to school with her.

She's a meteorologist now