She said: "If you have a condom, I'd
have sex with you, but if you haven't,
I can't because it would be like having
sex with everyone you've ever done
it with."
I replied: "I have a condom, but by your
criteria, I don't think I need one "


" I wish you'd try and see the good in
people "

Said my wife.

"I do!" I replied. "believe me, I'm
still fucking trying."


I've just realised this morning what
that blob on the end of a condom is
for.
It's for putting your foot on when
You've taking it off.


'Clubbing' It means going out to a place
with loud music, and alcohol, to pick up
someone to fuck if you'd a white
person.
But to blacks, it's something you do to
someone before robbing them if you
haven't got a knife or gun handy.


Some dirty bastard has stolen my wife's
knickers.
I expect they'll be returned pretty sharpish
though as she was in them at the time.


I drank 15 pints of Guinness then rushed
to the toilet to explode my bowels whilst
in the capital of Colombia.
Bogota?

Yeah, it was a right fucking mess.