What's your sickest joke?

[Piper]

She said: "If you have a condom, I'd
have sex with you, but if you haven't,
I can't because it would be like having
sex with everyone you've ever done
it with."
I replied: "I have a condom, but by your
criteria, I don't think I need one "


" I wish you'd try and see the good in
people "

Said my wife.

"I do!" I replied. "believe me, I'm
still fucking trying."


I've just realised this morning what
that blob on the end of a condom is
for.
It's for putting your foot on when
You've taking it off.


'Clubbing' It means going out to a place
with loud music, and alcohol, to pick up
someone to fuck if you'd a white
person.
But to blacks, it's something you do to
someone before robbing them if you
haven't got a knife or gun handy.


Some dirty bastard has stolen my wife's
knickers.
I expect they'll be returned pretty sharpish
though as she was in them at the time.


I drank 15 pints of Guinness then rushed
to the toilet to explode my bowels whilst
in the capital of Colombia.
Bogota?

Yeah, it was a right fucking mess.


I was in Whitcoulls today and I
asked the shop assistant if she
kept stationary.
"No I move around a lot."
Was her reply.


A woman came up to me in the
Gym and asked if I knew which
exercises would help her lose
weight.
I said, "Try shaking your head
from side to side."
She replied, "How often should I
do that?"
I remarked, "Every time someone
offers you food "


My woke friend died.
Do they still need a wake?

[Bikkie]

I've worked for years as a lookalike for Prince Andrew. Now I'm fucked. I've had to take a job in Pizza Express




I've just joined a Wet Wet Wet tribute band. We're called Shit Shit Shit




Andrew has been demoted from a job of doing fuck all to a position of doing fuck all.



The Andy formerly known as Randy




Thomas the Tank Engine was chugging along one fine day when he heard commotion in the carriages he was pulling. And he thought, "Fucking niggers."




This black guy at work got upset and demanded to know why I never call him mate, like I do the white guys.... "Just relax, Primate."



Jim at work surprised us today and told us he's going in for a sex-change.... "Surely you can't be serious ?" I said.... "I am, and please call me Shirley"