What's your sickest joke?

[Bikkie]

My wife said” Let’s play doctors & nurses to add a bit of spice to our lives” So I put her on a trolley & left her in the corridor for a couple of days.


Hull v Bristol City held up due to a squirrel on the pitch

Tottenham are hopeful of signing it time for the north London derby tomorrow



The Dalziel and Pascoe reboot will see its iconic male duo replaced by two female leads.

That'll be great. When their periods sync up, they'll be just as angry as Dalziel once a month.



So,the other night,my girlfriend said "Tonight I want you to do something really kinky,anything,like,disgustingly kinky "
Naturally, I agreed.
In the morning she said,"I thought you going to do something really kinky last night?" Her face a picture of disappointment....
"I did" I replied, "I shat in your trainers...."



My girlfriend says she's afraid to walk through the streets of London alone at night.

To be fair to her, so am I. And I never eat fried chicken while doing so.




I told my wife that curling looked easy and I'd be good at it. She said I couldn't even sweep the kitchen floor properly.



The Israeli Winter Olympics team say they've been burgled and had their valuables and passports stolen.

Sounded believable, until the word 'Passports'.



Skiing legend Lindsey Vonn is evacuated off the mountain to the hospital after a high-speed crash during the Winter Olympics in Italy.

He was immediately admitted to the Schumacher ward.



I said to the wife, "You now remind me of an Elizabethan princess"

"Awww", she replied, "Is that because of my slim figure and olive complexion?"


"No. I've just given you syphillis"



Donald Trump said in an interview; 'I am, by the way, the least racist President you've had in a long time.'

He went on to add; 'Way less racist than that jungle bunny who got in a few years back.'



That video Trump sent out depicting the Obamas as apes was awful

Couldn't see a mug of PG Tips anywhere



Donald Trump said that he is not racist.

Because nothing proves you're not racist when you turn the

the Obama's into Apes...

[Bikkie]

Starmer faces call to resign from Scottish Labour leader Anas Sarwar and is said to be furious with the apparent betrayal

He ain't the only one. I'm gonna lose at least one of the regular customers to my rent-boy agency



President Donald Trump unleashed a blistering attack on Bad Bunny's Super Bowl halftime show, branding the spectacle as disrespectful to America on its biggest stage.

He never got over the star not being a Playboy Bunny.



You know your a really shit footballer when you are only a sub in a Saudi football league team.



I told my mate I was planning on taking my hobby of shagging my female relatives to the next level.

"Up the ante" he said.

"Yes, and probably the grandma as well" I replied.




Last night my wife sent a text, saying she was in casualty.

When I got home, I watched it for the whole hour never saw her once.

She still hasn't come home.

I'm starving.



A group of UK grandmothers posed nude for a calendar to help raise money for charity.

The charity was the "Wish We Were Blind" society...

[Bikkie]

What's the difference between Peter Mandelson's house and the Atlantic Ocean?

The Ocean's only got 1,300 small buoys




MILAN—Donald J. Trump celebrated at the Winter Olympics on Monday after winning the gold medal in the downhill presidency. Trump beamed as he stood on the winners’ podium, boasting, “Obama never won this.”
Notching a historic win, Trump set a new speed record for driving the world’s strongest economy into a ditch.
Despite his victory, he remained bitter about the Super Bowl halftime show, telling reporters that “Bad Bunny took a job away from an American bunny.”




US seized yet another oil tanker earlier today. Due to this, Disneyland has announced they are moving the anamatronic President Trump out of The Hall of Presidents, to The Pirates of the Caribbean.



I've always been too shy to ask the wife upfront to try new things.

So I'm getting Anusol tattooed on my cock.




So,that ultra-woke,left-wing loving,horsefaced actor and professional cry baby Olivia Coleman has announced that she's non-binary and has informed her husband that she identifies as a 'Gay Man'--- He won't ever sleep again incase he hears the buzz of a strap on.....




What's limp, grey and covered in shit?

Peter Mandelson's cock



Olympic Update: Trump wins gold in downhill Presidency.




Peter Mandelson let his country down.

He also let his trousers down...

[Bikkie]

The Tottenham fans are all celebrating the sacking of Thomas Frank. "Thank fuck we don't have to watch anymore his revolting habit of chewing his bubblegum with his gob wide open". (He copied the habit from Alex Ferguson convinced it was the secret of his success.) Just In passing, the national restaurant ban for them both is still in force.



“Man Utd football team has been colonised by niggers & Paki’s who contribute nowt & cost too much fuckin’ money”.

Sir Jim Ratcliffe.




My Paki neighbour said "If America lived by Sharia law, the Epstein files wouldn't exist."

I agree. Epstein would have been a Prophet.



Trump finally posts his formal believable excuse and apology for the Obama's "monkey pic".

"That's a completely real pic I found of Barry and Michelle at the beach shirtless."



It's a young African's first day off the boat and he's getting his papers done.

Name ?

Benji

Sex ?

With white women



Apparently, Peter Mandelson's reasons for leaving the role of UK ambassador to the USA had nothing to do with the Epstein files

He found out Kid Rock is actually 55



I'm not saying Epstein looks like the Fonz but...




I walked in the bedroom to find my wife's dead body laying there on the bed. I looked at her lifeless body and decided to have one more go on her.

Just as I was getting into it she opened her eyes and shouted BOO!

Honestly some people really are sick in the head!