Afghanistan - is it just me
or are Dido and Eminem
missing out on a huge re-release
opportunity?
The Taliban claim that
Afghanistan is now the
safest country in the
world.
That's because they've
stopped women driving.
Just read an article on
the BBC titled "My life as
the Queen's personal
bagpiper.
Basically it involves being
told to " shut the fuck up! "
over 50 times a day.
Meghan and Harry seem
blissfully unaware of the
mayhem they've caused
the Queen with 18 months
of drama, prior to Lilibet's
christening.
Harry's dad laughed at
his latest antics and said,
"Boys will be boys"
Prince Charles on the
other hand was livid.
Prince Andrew is refusing
to be served with a
lawsuit. He's hiding at
his mum's and cancelling
public engagements so he
can't be served in public.
Answer' s quite simple
really.
Send a kid round with
them.
Prince Andrew would
rather not be reminded
about 9/11 as that's
the age of his last 2
girlfriend's.
Prince Andrew fleeing to
Balmoral to avoid his loyal
subjects? Why?
They're only trying to give
him a sweater.
What's the difference
between Emma Raducanu
and Prince Andrew?
Emma's not scared of an
American court.
Emma Raducanu is so cool she
wouldn't break a sweat sitting
on Prince Andrew's lap.
Emma Raducanu... she
contested and won as a
Britain on the American
court circuit.. something
Prince Andrew could only
dream of.
I'm REALLY enjoying
watching Emma
Raducanu play game after
game in the US Open final.
New balls please!
Emma Raducanu has won
The US in Flushing
Meadows.
Did anyone else see Billy
Jean King try to finger
her as she presented the
trophy?
I really enjoyed watching
Emma Raducanu win the
tennis. There were some
great strokes. Until my
wife told me to put my
cock away.
Former UK Tennis pro
Jo Durie says Emma
Raducanu has "the full
package."
Funny enough, I said the
same thing when I first
saw Serena Williams play.
I heard Raducanu just
got offered her first
advertising contract, she's
endorsing Kleenex Man-Size
Tissues.
I have a feeling it's going to be a
successful campaign.
I certainly feel like
splashing out!
Emma Raducanu born in
Canada to Romanian dad
and Chinese mum.
English public : "she's
British."
Andy Murray born in
Scotland to a Scottish
mum and English dad
Supports the Scotland
Football team.
The English Public : "Fuck
that fucking traitor!"
Now he's in bad health,
I bet Phil Collins wife
wishes she had a pound
for every time he says :
I can't hurry love. You'll
just have to wait.
Phil Collins "I can't hold a
drumstick any more."
Try McDonald's mate. Just
order burgers.
Phil Collins said he's
forced to sit while singing
and can hardly hold a
stick now.
He won't even feel it
coming on the ground
tonight.
The trial of veteran rock
star Sir Rod Stewart and
his son Sean has been
cancelled and a hearing
scheduled for next month
to discuss a plea deal.
Rod has promised to sing.
"Urine My Heart Urine My
Soul." Guy's a pisser...
Whoopi Goldberg is in the
running to be the new Dr
Who.
She has the perfect
qualifications she once
admitted working as
phone sex operator...
The wife asked why I
never say I love her.
I can't win, only last week
she told me to stop lying.
Danniella Westbrook
unveilled her new face,
treated with fillers and
Botox.
She now look 10 years
younger than
Keith Richards.
Six men have been caught
with £160 million of
cocaine aboard a luxury
Yacht off Plymouth. If
they'd been on a dinghy
from Calais, they'd have
got through.
I auditioned for X-Factor
and got as far as the 6
chair challenge, and the
act on in front of me was
this insufferably arrogant
rapper who went out there
and to the roars of the
crowd his first line was "If
You're proud to be black,
Then stand the fuck up!"
I sat there feeling like I
had to somehow try and
top that, but basically
afterwards I was told
my performance would
not air, and unfortunately
it seemed no one in the
fucking audience was
proud to be white.
While in Australia
watching a travel show
about China, the wife
gushed "wow China
looks so exotic. So many
Chinese people. I wonder
what it's like. Can we go?"
"Sure no problem," I said.
So I called an Uber and
told the driver to take us
around the neighborhood.
With the extremely strict
Covid - 19 restrictions
Australian television forced to
make some changes
to its programme
schedule - 'Home all day'
will be premiering next
week.
Music teacher convicted
of 32 sexual offences.
He had them play the
pink oboe, skin flute, hot
sax, upside down piano,
worked on fingering,
studied A minor, the
fiddle, bag pipe, horn
DeBussy, showed them
his conductor's wand,
castanets, bel, banjo
string, bongos, wood and
16 other offences I can't
think of right now.
KT Tunstall has
announced she is deaf in
one ear.
Hope it goes as well as
her blindess problem,
when suddenly she could
see.
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