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Thread: What's your sickest joke?

  1. #2656
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    Smile Sick Text Jokes

    If there are more than two genders, why are there only two options for a sex change?




    A practical joke for a change - Folks. Amazon Alexa devices don't have any kind of security when it comes to setting things like alarms and reminders, so if you ever find yourself alone with one, try saying something like "Alexa......... Set a reminder for 8pm on [Some random date in the following month] that it's my turn to bring anal lube for the next pedo dungeon club meeting".
    You can also add things to the owners Amazon shopping list by just saying something like "Alexa.......... Add a 10" inflatable butt plug, latex catsuit, and nipple clamps to my shopping list".
    Once you realise the sort of crap you can do with an unsupervised Alexa, the possibilities are endless.



    Saw a rare bird today.

    A woman changing her own flat tyre




    Did you hear about the bouncy castle that ended up beyond repair after being exposed to those Asian grooming gangs?


    It was badly let down by the authorities




    People think The Rolling Stones were wild crazy rockstars because one time they threw a TV out of a window.

    Well I think Eric Clapton one-upped them.


    Trump wins and tells Joe 'you're fired,'
    Then sets about getting everyone hired,
    Puts an end to the war in twenty four,
    Zelensky's mad, but its not all bad.
    The missiles aren't flying,,so we're not dying.
    Bc Putin doesn't start the third world war,
    And you and I can exist some more.



    A black man shopping for paint with his four-year-old son says he was racially profiled and refused service at Hobbycraft after staff said he may use the paint for 'doing graffiti'.

    He told reporters, 'That's some bullshit right there, we was just gonna huff the motherfucker.'


    Back when I was a kid, if you played up in class, they'd diagnose you as having "Attention Deficit Disorder", and zonk you out with Ritalin. It seems barbaric that we'd do that to kids........

    So thank god we now live in more enlightened times, where if a boy plays up in class, they just convince him that he's a girl, then chop "HER" bollocks off !!!




    What have the Ukraine war & Prince Andrew got in common?


    They're both entering a third year




    I was approached in the street and asked, "Excuse me, as a non-binary being, I'm representing The All-Gender Gathering. Would you like to take our survey or sign our petition for recognition and equality?"

    I replied, "I cant. I only help men or women."





    The wife was stopped on her bike by a copper.

    He asked, "Where's your helmet?"

    She replied, "He's at home picking his arse."



    I bought the wife a new Suzuki jeep.

    So delighted, she's telling everyone loudly from its roof.

    Or, shouting from the Jimney top.



    Fuck paying up front for cremations.

    Tell them you want click and collect.




    Why do politicians lie?

    Because when they tell the truth they get sacked and called racist by self-loathing arseholes on Twitter


    i've got a bit in common with the lunar lander.

    Still functioning after falling on my side leaving the pub.




    I remember years ago reading about how some monkeys were actually intelligent enough to use tools to get food. I've found it astounding to see how quickly they've evolved in their tool using abilities.
    Since back then, they've also learnt to use knives to get money/jewellery, and pens to get benefit payments !


    How'd you lose a black man in a car park?

    Leave your car unlocked.



    We were watching a film on the telly when all of a sudden the bloke lifts the woman onto the kitchen top and starts to make love to her,

    "Yeah, right, " said the wife, " as if that happens. "

    "I totally agree, " I replied, "the only thing that gets fucked in our kitchen is the food. "




    When pulling the stalk from an apple, does anyone else imagine they're about to throw a hand grenade at the Muslim in work?




    I don't know what's more shocking. The fact a big WW2 bomb lay undiscovered in a Plymouth garden for over 70 years or the fact the thousands of evacuated residents returned home to find migrants hadn't been moved in.



    In a restaurant, I ordered a bottle of water, a glass of wine and two steaks.

    "Still water?" The waiter asked me.

    "Yes," I replied, "I've not changed my mind."



    What do Will & Jada Smith have in common?

    They both slap other men's cheeks.




    I adore snorting cocaine off the cheeks of my girlfriends beautiful arse.

    That's the bottom line.


    I was first introduced to a Japanese prostitute when she gave me a full body oily massage.

    Ever since then, I've been on a slippery slope

  2. #2657
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    Smile Sick Musician Jokes

    Was listening to some U2 songs with everything mutted except the guitars.
    Very Edgy sound.




    Was listening to some U2 songs with all the guitars muted.
    Kinda takes the edge off it.





    I'm playing my music loud this morning,my neighbour loves it.
    He keeps banging on the wall requesting Sunday Bloody Sunday.





    The singer,Bono,was called up for jury service.He was in a room with others.The clerk entered and pointed at people.
    "Right,I want You,you,you,you,you,you,you,you and pointing at Bono......YOU TOO"





    I've been playing a lot of 'Bonopoly' recently.It's a bit like'Monopoly' but where the streets have no names...





    I went for a job at a large building constructors and they asked if I had vertigo.I said,"Oh yes I do,although not one of U2's finest songs though."





    Rick Wakeman is on the verge of recruiting thr U2 guitarist for a new version of his classic Yes album.
    He's close To The Edge.





    I've listened to some of the great lead guitarists for many years,Hendrix,Clapton,Buckingham to name but a few,but that guy from U2 has just got the Edge.





    Opened my fridge and thought I heard the spring onions doing Bee Gees numbers,but it was just the chives talkin'





    I went to a medieval jousting tournamentwith Barry Gibb and I saw him put on this huge gauntlet.
    I aked him,How deep is your glove? And that's when he wrote the song......
    ....Tragedy.





    I can't stop listening to music by the Bee Gees.
    Doctor says I've got Saturday Night Fever.





    Did you know, the urge to sing 'The Lion Sleeps Tonight' is only a whim away?





    Just found out the Scottish guy who lives next door to me is a drug dealer who also does a Marc Bolan tribute act at weekends.That explains his nickname..."Sell A Gram Tam"





    Most of the rock legends of the 60's and 70's died young because of their utterlyreckless behaviour.

    Jim Morrison used to snort huge amounts of cocaine.

    Keith Moon washed down his anti-alcoholism pills with champagne.

    And Marc Bolan let his missus drive.





    The musician and former teacher Gordon Sumner is best known by his chosen stage name of Sting.
    When he dies,I wonder if he'll be known as Stung?





    The usrlees Home Office have lost my Police Records.
    I loved Walking On The Moon.







    The wife came right into my face and said,"I'm fed up with your obsession with The Police."
    I said. "Hey,back off.Don't stand so close to me!"







    There was an indecent at a Sting concert last night.
    I saw the Police



    When jamiroquai dies,will he go deeper underground?




    As a boy growing up in the 1960's I enjoyed pop music and being cruel to insects.
    I have particularly fond memories of the stones versus the beetles.





    My mate works for an environmentally conscious toilet roll manufacturer in quality control,checking for bugs in the system and correcting them.
    He's the beetles paper pack righter.






    Will The Beatles ever be reunited?
    Yes if someone shoots Paul McCartney and Ringo Starr.





    I only need one more Beatles album to complete my collection,so I asked all my friends.

    It was pointless though.

    Nobody could offer me Help.





    My wife's worried about my obsession to complete my collection of Beatles records.
    "You need help," she said.
    "No I don't...I've already got that one."





    Asians have an appetite for insects.
    Yoko Ono has a specific taste for Beatles.




    I just watched that movie where that dothead Indian bloke covers all the Beatles songs.
    They definitely missed a trick by not also having him sing 'While my Sitar gently weeps"





    The Beatles once sang "Love is all you need."
    I can tell you from experience this is not true.If you own a budgie-they also require food and water.





    All John Lennon could do about having no material possessions was to Imagine it.




    David; Wanna hear a Beatles joke?
    John; You already told me one...
    David; When?
    John; Yesterday.




    When asked who her greatest influence was,musician Courtney Love replied,"Yoko Ono"




    History has it,that Cilla Black is the only woman to have fucked every member of The Beatles.
    The fifth Beatle,Pete,was best.
    Rngo was no star.She said he was so bad,he finished with a Thomas the tank.



    I saw a girl busking today.
    She had a great voice,and an even better pair of legs,emphasised by the short skirt she was wearing.
    "Any requests?" she asked the watching crowd.
    "Your thong," I replied with a wink.
    Everyone gasped in horror,and the girl slapped me.
    It's tough being an Elton John fan with a lisp.




    I asked Elton John what County cricket team played at The Oval.He seemed to know the answer but was struggling to get the word out.
    I guess Surrey seems to be the hardest word.




    After a passionate night of love making Elton John has been inspired to release a song about his husband David-And I Guess That's why they all say "IT'S POOH!!!"





    I saw a Chinaman perform an Elton John tribute act last night.
    My favourite was his version of 'Crocodile Wok'




    People say that the Dark side of the moon by Pink Floyd is a timeless. album.
    But I've listened to it a lot,and time is definitely on there,it's track 3!





    Dave Gilmour and Nick Mason were walking down the road in London one day in 1972 and saw a mad nigger with his arse hanging out of a window.
    The rest as they say is history.




    The Clash sang,:Should I stay or should I go now? If I go there will be trouble an' if I stay it wil be double"
    There you go then,better to leave.





    Should I stay or should I go now?
    Should I stay or should I go now?
    If I go there will be trouble
    And if I stay it will be double
    Sort of answers itself really.





    First rule of Rick Astley Fan Club...
    You know the rules,and so do I!





    Rick Astley has admitted he's shit at custard pie fights.
    He said "he'd never run around and dessert you"





    Interviewer: So are you never gonna give us up?

    Man: Nope.

    Interviewer: Never let us down?

    Man: Nope.

    Interviewer: Never gonna run around and desert us?

    Man: Nope.

    Interviewer: Never gonna make us cry?

    Man: Nope.

    Interviewer: Never gonna say goodbye?

    Man: Nope.

    Interviewer: Never gonna tell a lie and hurt us?

    Man: Nope.

    Interviewer: Alright then,congratulations Rick Astley,you've got the job.
    Look forward to seeing you on Monday!





    I lost concentration briefly driving along a counrty lane in Northumbria and put the car in a ditch.
    I spotted a farmer in his tractor just over the fence and asked him if he could pull me out.
    He said,"Fuck yerself.
    yous were speedin.Serves yer fookin reet."
    I replied exasperated,"Ah give me a break man.I'm in dire straits." to which he snapped back
    Yer lyin bastard.Yer look fook all like the knopfler bruvvers."





    I asked that cunt Mark Knopfler if he could spare any change when I was homeless.
    He said "sorry I'm in Dire Straits myself pal"

  3. #2658
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    Smile Sick Musician Jokes

    My girlfriend said she's leaving me because of obssession with Bob Marley!...
    Oh well,no woman no cry!





    Did you hear about the time Bob Marley got arrested for assault in an airport? He claimed it was self defence...
    He said he was fighting in arrivals,fighting for survival.





    Bob Marley was once accused of shooting a famous Egyptian actor and a deputy headteacher.
    When questioned by police he said "I shot the sharif but I didn't shoot the deputy.





    Sheriff John Brown always hated me.For what,I don't know.
    Really Bob? You don't know why?




    What do you call three rastafarians in a boat with harpoons and half a ton of ganja?
    Bob Marley and The Whalers.





    Just tried to visit Bob Marleys home but I could not get in.
    The door kept Jamming.





    I bought Def Leppard's
    drum kit. It was half price.
    Normally they cost an arm
    and a leg.





    My dyslexic mate is a
    huge fan of 80's band
    ABC
    In fact he's got every
    album DEF Leppard ever
    made.





    When a Cougar gets so
    old that she needs a
    hearing aid,she becomes
    a Def Leppard.



    Ironic isn't it! All those
    number ones Elvis had in
    his life...and he ended up
    dying on a number two!!





    I have an idea for a chain
    of Elvis steak houses.
    It will be for people who
    love meat tender.



    A young boy is listening
    to the radio in the car with
    his father."Dad,what
    music did you like growing
    up?"
    "I was a huge fan of Led
    Zeppelin," the father
    replies.
    "Who?" the son asks.
    "Yeah," the dad responds,
    "I liked them too."





    I've been banned from
    our local petrol station
    for playing 'The Who' too
    loudly on my car stereo...
    I won't get fuelled again.





    I saw a Flock of seagulls tribute band last night.
    Called A Murder Of Crows.





    I offered Bonnie Tyler a Quality Street earlier but she declined.
    She said she was holding out for a Hero.




    It's gonna be a bright
    ( bright ) Bright ( bright )
    sunshiny day.

    Sad news. I broke up with
    my girlfriend Lorriane
    because I was seeing
    another girl named Clair
    Lee. But the good news is
    that I can see Clair Lee
    now that Lorraine is gone.




    Just listening to Bruce Springsteen's song
    'Glory Days' and I can't help but think that he was
    singing about the good old times when we were
    allowed to hate niggers...





    "Hey Mr Tambourine Man, play a song for me"
    What, on a fucking tambourine?





    How do you tell how heavy a red hot chilli pepper is?
    Give it a weigh, give it a weight, give it a weigh now.





    I want to see 99 men sing
    Toto's song Africa,because it's a 100 more men and women can't do.





    I can't begin to tell you how much I
    fucking regret buying the flat above
    Lionel Ritchie.





    Never go for an Indian with the
    Beastie Boys when they're hungry.
    You gotta fight, for your right,
    chapati.




    I've been listening to music by the
    Artic Monkeys,The Strokes and
    Coldplay but it's given me stomach
    pain.Think I might have Indie gestion.





    I hate people who make sentences out
    of song titles because it reminds me of
    somebody that I used to know.





    My mate Frankie actually went to Hollywood.
    He didn't make a song and dance about it though.




    My wife told me she was leaving me because
    of my Justin Beiber obsession.
    As she was walking out the door,I took one last chance to make her change her mind.
    I asked her if it was too late to say sorry.




    "Anvil: the 80's metal icons
    who were born to fail"
    After every concert they'd
    go to the bar and get hammered.

  4. #2659
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    Smile Sick Musician Jokes

    How to make a Meatloaf song:

    1. Must be over 10
    minutes.Anything less
    is inadequate and you
    should be ashamed.
    2. Title must contain over
    50 characters.Adding
    brackets is also a must.
    3. The title must be
    contradictory.So you say
    you'll do anything for love,
    expect you won't do that.
    4. The title must contain
    at least one instance of
    Girl.
    Examples include
    : You Can Never Be Too
    Sure About the Girl
    : Modern Girl
    : Special Girl
    : Lost Boys and Golden
    Girls
    : Good Girls Go to Heaven
    ( Bad Girls Go Everywhere )
    5. Repeat the chours many
    times,it's not like they've
    heard it enough anyways.
    Get that point across....
    6. Do not let them forget
    it's rock and roll.If it helps,
    stick it in the title.They
    still might not even know
    what the genre is...
    7. If you want,make it
    educational.2 out of 3 is
    good starting point for
    fractions.
    : Alternatively,make
    references to Heaven and
    Hell.That'll teach kids
    christianity.
    8. Make sequels.One
    album isn't enough.
    Trilogies are the next
    hot trend.Besides,that
    Grammy won't win itself...
    9. Always make sure you
    belt out the piano first.
    10. The most important?
    Scream like it's the end of
    the world!!





    Magic I've only got three
    albums in my collection.
    Two by Meatloaf and one
    by Michael Jackson.
    Two out of three ain't Bad.

  5. #2660
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    Smile Sick Musician Jokes

    "It's a quarter after one, I'm
    a little drunk and I need
    you now...."
    My lawyer's getting pretty
    sick of me leaving that on
    his answer phone.



    I went to Billy Haley's Fish
    and chip shop the other
    day.
    They do Hake,Haddock
    and Sole.



    What are a pre-eminent
    white rapper's favourite
    sweets?
    M&Ms.
    ( Not that it Mathers ).



    My friend makes paintings
    of Eminem combined with
    other famous rappers.
    He's a mixed Marshall
    aetist.



    Who is the best candy
    (w)rapper?
    Eminem



    At the start of the
    pandemic Robbie Williams
    was using antibactererial
    wipes.
    But now he's loving hand
    gel instead.



    My stupid schizophrenic
    dyslexic mate who thinks
    he is Robbie Williams has
    just bought himself 2 pet
    tigers,He'd loving bengals
    instead.



    Times were more innocent
    when I was a child.
    If a six year old heard the
    Sweet singing Little Willy
    these days,they'd just
    assume it was about anal
    sex.



    My girlfriend has
    nicknamed me "The
    Sweet" because Little
    Willy Willy won't go
    home.......



    How can you tell a
    drummer is at your door?
    A: The knocking speeds up,
    slows down,speeds up,
    slows down..
    B: Has no idea what keys
    are or their importance
    C: You ordered pizza 28
    minutes ago
    D: He has to put the pizza
    on the ground before
    knocking (Def Leppard
    only)
    E: Even if the door is wide
    open,he doesn't know
    when to come in.



    What did the drummer call
    his twin daughters?
    And a 1 and a 2



    A guitartist was shagging
    this fit woman when her
    husband walked in on
    them.
    "What the fuck do you
    think you're doing?" he
    yelled.
    " I told you he was stupid,"
    said the woman,"Never
    marry a drummer."



    How many drummers
    does it take to change a
    light bulb?
    And a one and a two,and
    a one two three four.



    Went to the new Wham
    themed night club in town
    last night aptly named
    "Club Tropiana"
    All that's missingis the c!
    I know I know I will ####
    off,coat's under my arm!
    (credit Jeff Fenners
    soccer team)



    George Michael is a liar.
    I went to Club Tropicana
    but the drinks were
    defiantly not free.



    '....I joined a Carpenter's
    class the other day.
    we haven't made anything
    yet.
    We've only just begun.'



    Karen Carpenter would
    have had a more
    successful music career
    but she decided to leave
    Bread.







    I was going to see The
    Eagles,but I gave them
    the bird.



    Take it to the limit one
    more time. I fucking
    hate these musical
    bathroom scales...







    My girlfriend left me
    because of my obsession
    with 80's synth pop
    What have I,what have
    I,what have I done to
    deserve this?



    Classical Music for Cats....

    Beethoven-Fur Elise

    Handel-Meowssiah

    Puccini-Nessun

    Dormouse

    Vivaldi-The Paw Seasons
    Got my coat on already....

  6. #2661
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    Smile Sick Musician Jokes

    I was asked what I
    remember about the
    summer of '76.
    One thing I do know
    is Bryan Adams never
    released it.



    Diana Ross was asked
    what she thought about
    gay men being thrown
    off high places in
    Afghanistan.
    "Ain't no mountain high
    enough",she replied.



    My wife left me because
    of my obsession with the
    band Super Tramp.
    I've now met someone
    else.Take a look at my
    girlfriend.



    My wife keeps saying
    she'll leave me because of
    my obsession with Buddy
    Holly.
    That'll be the day.



    My girlfriend is leaving me
    because of my obsession
    with Eighties music.
    Such ingratitude.When
    I first met her she was
    working as a waitress in a
    cocktail bar.



    I took my wife to see "Air
    Supply" last year when her
    favourite group from the
    80's came by locally.
    Even I thought it was
    quite ironic that they were
    heavily supporting the
    SJW-BLM shit and both
    wore "I Can't Breathe"
    T-Shirts.




    Yesterday,I got so
    depressed..
    ...I spent the entire day
    listening to Celine Dion
    records.
    -
    -
    Or that;'s what I thought
    until I realised my cat had
    fallen into the dryer.



    Two chinese lads were
    having a heated argument
    about pop music.I
    managed to calm them
    down by getting them
    to listen to the sweet,
    relaxing tones of 60's
    scottish folk singer
    Donovan.
    # They call me Mellow
    Yellow #



    I asked Iron Maiden's
    Bruce Dickinson why he
    was very reluctant to eat
    Foie Gras.He said "Fear
    of the duck,fear of the
    duck"





    What's 25m long,screams
    and has no pubic hair?
    The front row of a Harry
    Styles concert.



    I thought I saw Westlife
    walking through the
    desert.Turned out to be
    Oasis.



    What is a vulture's favourite
    song?
    Carrion My Wayward Son.



    Went to the bank today
    and the woman behind
    the counter suddenly started
    singing Downtown.I
    thought to myself that's a
    Peculiar Clerk.



    I was at a 90's night at my
    local nightclub.
    I went up to the DJ and
    said,"play some Garbage,
    mate."
    He played '5-6-7-8 by
    Steps.



    There's a guy who used
    to be in 10cc and his
    surname is Creme...Lol



    According to Bang
    Showbiz,Daryl Hall was
    asked to replace David
    Lee Roth in Van Halen.
    That's a bit like asking
    Demis Roussos to replace
    Lemmy in Motorhead.

  7. #2662
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    Smile Sick Musician Jokes

    Why was there no water in
    the band Earth,Wind and
    Fire?
    The lazy bastards didn't
    want to walk the 2 mile to
    get it.



    I'm fed up with my so
    calles mates,3 times now
    they have agreed to go to
    a Whitesnake gig with me
    and then not show up.
    Here I go again on my
    own.



    When I was a kid I was in
    a band called The Small
    Faeces....
    We were little shits then.



    My nurse friend asked
    me where she could
    find some scrubs,I said
    probably hanging out the
    passenger side of his best
    friends ride.



    Have you heard about the
    new all-Muslim boy band?
    They're gonna be called
    Quran Quran.




    What do you call an Indian
    pop star?
    Singh Song.


    What's a Scotswoman's
    favourite Rolling Stones
    album?
    Black and Blue.

    What's a paki's favourite
    Rolling Stones album?
    Goats Head Soup.

    What's a Scouser's favourite
    Rolling Stones album?
    Sticky Fingers.



    A group of ex policemen
    have started an Electric
    Light Orchestra tribute
    band.
    El ello ello ello.



    I opened a bottle of bubbly
    and it started singing
    Feeling Good.Turns out it
    was a bottle Buble'



    Dear Mr and Mrs Cheery,
    what sort of shit were you
    both on when you decided
    it was a good idea to
    name your new born son
    Eagle Eyed.



    "Granddad...when you
    were a teenager,which
    poster did you have
    hanging on your wall?"
    "Debbie Harry.And it
    wasn't hanging,it was
    stuck."



    So I went to this over
    70's party in Scotland,I
    knocked on the door and
    said,"Hows things going?"
    They said,"Come on in it's
    just started swinging."
    I thought,Fuckin ell
    they've invited The
    Krankies.



    Song for Mathematicians:
    Get your kicks,on
    8.12403840463596



    I once met Roy Rogers on
    a river boat in Germany
    smoking weed.
    he was a Rhine stoned
    cowboy.



    I got invited to Ronnie
    Scott's last night for an
    evening of scat jazz.
    I'd never heard so much
    shit in me life.



    I've recently started a
    sewing machine choir.
    Got a great bunch of
    Singers.



    My dog is obsessed with
    classical music.
    Everytime I ask him what
    composer we should
    listen to,all he replies
    with 'Bach' Bach' Bach'



    Did you hear about the
    rapper that excluded fans
    with a certain zodiac sign?
    No Taurus B.I.G



    What's Gary Glitter's
    favourite western?
    Young Buns.



    Quinten Crisp has been
    Aasked to join three 1980's
    tribute bands:

    Tears for Queers
    Electric Light-on-his-Feet Orchestra
    Dexy's Midnight Bummer's



    I just saw Cat Stevens
    sitting down,crying next
    to his camper van.I said
    "What's the matter cat?"
    He said "awning has
    broken."



    I'm a huge fan of Black Sabbath.
    I went to put on 'Paranoid'
    earlier,but there was a different
    CD in the box.
    I bet some bugger's broken
    in and switched them around
    to make me think I'm losing my
    marbles.



    I'm both a Gardener and a
    aspiring Rapper.
    Life ain't nothing but
    Bushes and Hoes.



    I had a vinyl album called
    "Wasp Noises," but when
    I played the first track it
    didn't sound like a wasp
    and the sound track didn't
    sound like a wasp either...
    Then I realised I was playing
    the B side...



    Someone said that the
    best love song ever is
    when a man loves a
    woman by Percy Sledge...
    I just thought how fucking
    massive would your cock
    be to need a sledge to get
    it around.



    Roy Wood sang to me
    "See My Baby Jive" I said
    "Roy she's just trying
    to squeeze out of your
    wife's minge"



    Cyndi Lauper is reported
    to be sick and tired of buying
    the same herbs over and
    over again.
    Thyme after thyme.



    I remember going to my
    first ever gig,it was in
    Exter in 1982,there were
    all these punks screaming
    and all I could smell was
    raw fish,soy sauce and
    cold rice.
    Looking back,maybe
    going to see Sushi and the
    Banshees was a bad idea.



    Eric Clapton once said
    something like,"Being
    a Racist is better and is
    a more fufilling step-up
    from drugs."
    I still credit him as the
    main reason I was able to
    quit the smack.



    Found out the other day
    that the Dixie Chicks were
    named after the Dixie
    states in America.
    I'll be honest,I thought it
    was because they were a
    little bit tranny.



    Sat navs voiced by
    singers DO NOT USE the
    following...
    Elvis (You'll end up in the Getto)
    Bonnie Tyler (Lost in France)
    Chris Rea (On the road to nowhere)
    Harry Styles,Zayn Malik and mates (Will
    send you in just One Direction)
    Gene Pitney (No matter where he sends
    you,it will be 24 hours from Tulsa)

    Feel free to abb your own!!



    Did Stevie Wonder ever go on
    a blind date?



    Some people call me
    the space cowboy-even
    though I'm not
    some people call me the
    gangster of love-even
    though I'm not
    some people call me
    Maurice cos I speak of the
    pompatus of love-even
    though that isn't my name
    and I don't know wha that
    word means
    some people can fuck off.



    This means nothing to me
    Great tune,perhaps
    not to play as the first
    dance at my wedding.



    I own two shirts and some
    neckwear that used to
    belong to the guy out of
    the mamas and papas.
    All the sleeves are brown
    And the tie is grey.



    I love Adele's fast songs;
    they end sooner.



    I'm starting a funky
    ground works gang
    'Soul Drain



    This shit is bananas,b-a-n-a-n-a-s.
    I guess Gwen Stefani likes the same
    kind of porn that I do.



    As my wife looked at the
    wet and ruined cake she
    moaned,"Someone left
    the cake out in the rain...I
    don't think I can take
    it,cause it took so long to
    bake it,and I'll never have
    that recipe again!"
    "I know,that was me,you
    fat fuck."



    I used to work as a taxi driver
    in Brixton,but hated picking up
    Afro Caribbean's from the
    Reggae clubs as they used to
    jump around all inside the car.
    Luckily I found a cure,Velcro on
    the roof lining.

  8. #2663
    Join Date
    22nd October 2020 - 17:03
    Bike
    Suzuki 250 1976
    Location
    Lower Hutt
    Posts
    0

    Smile Sick text jokes

    There's been some
    controversy about a photo
    of Kate Middleton.
    Prince Andrew is behind
    this one, he's great at
    touching things up.


    Someone just rang my phone and sneezed
    then hung up!
    I'm getting fed up of these
    cold calls!!


    What do you call a chink
    who looks like Jimmy Hill?
    Chin Lao.

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