Page 128 of 178 FirstFirst ... 2878118126127128129130138 ... LastLast
Results 1,906 to 1,920 of 2665

Thread: What's your sickest joke?

  1. #1906
    Join Date
    22nd October 2020 - 17:03
    Bike
    Suzuki 250 1976
    Location
    Lower Hutt
    Posts
    0

    Smile Sick text jokes

    There's a new Liverpool
    band out called the
    Pacemakers.


    After the death of Gerry
    Marsden Elton John will
    lead the tributes with a
    rendition of "Fairy across
    the Mersey"


    What's the difference
    between a hippy girl and a
    Muslim girl?
    One gets stoned before
    sex, and the other after
    sex.


    What do you call a muslim
    lesbian?
    Gasheeta.



    What do you call a gay
    Muslim?
    Mandeep.


    Can you imagine Lewis
    Hamilton getting a hard
    on?
    The dark knight rises.


    My son said he wants to
    sleep with a 1,000 women
    before he reaches 30.
    I said, "Don't be stupid, you
    have to sleep with 30 first"


    I just watched that movie
    where that dothead
    Indian bloke covers all the
    Beatles songs.
    They definitely missed a
    a trick by not also having
    him sing "While my Sitar
    gently weeps"


    Coming soon, Covid, The
    Musical. Featuring such
    hits as,

    I just died in your arms tonight.

    Seasons don't fear the reaper.

    I fought the law and the law won.

    The air that I breathe.

    Behind the mask.

    Under lock and key.

    Stay away.

    And of course the number
    one best seller, Six feet apart.

  2. #1907
    Join Date
    22nd October 2020 - 17:03
    Bike
    Suzuki 250 1976
    Location
    Lower Hutt
    Posts
    0

    Smile Sick text jokes

    Despite reports of her
    death, Tanya Roberts
    publicist has announced
    that she is still alive.
    Not quite ready to join
    Farrah Fawcett as one of
    Charlie's Real Angels.


    'Tanya Roberts still alive'

    You Only Live Twice

    Die Another Day

    No Time To Die


    Why did the music teacher
    go to jail?
    Because he fingered the
    wrong minor.


    I am trying to be more
    politically correct these
    days: the wife burnt the
    dinner, so I gave her an
    'eye of colour'


    I offered Bonnie Tyler a
    quality street earlier but
    she declined.
    She said she was holding
    out for a Hero.


    Geese for sale.
    If you want any pop around
    for a gander.


    Midget porn is a little
    fucked.


    "That's it!" she stormed.
    "I can't compete with you
    and your 80's rock music.
    I'm leaving you. I've met
    someone new"
    "No! who is it?" I shouted.
    "He's called Tommy and
    he's not in the least bit
    obsessed with Bon Jovi!"
    "Tommy?" I said, "He used
    to work on the docks."


    Does whisky come out of
    clothes?
    "No silly, Scotland."


    My wife referenced
    something to me from
    Cosmo that women find it
    romantic to get "surprise
    sex" from their husbands.
    So I do what she fucking
    wants and roll her fat arse
    over at 1am and start
    fucking her up the duff,
    and all she does is starts
    screaming.


    If there's one thing I've
    learned from fucking
    Black girls, it's there no
    point in repeatedly asking
    "Who's your daddy?"


    I thought I'd take my
    stamp collection to
    lmpress a girl on our first
    date.
    She said philately will get
    you nowhere.


    I once had a young black
    man try and burgle my
    house with a break-in
    about 18 years ago.
    I pointed my weapon
    at him and threatened
    to shoot, and while he
    continued loading his
    sack he laughed "Yo, dats
    a paintball gun!"
    Anyway, that was the
    last thing he fucking said
    before those marbles
    rearranged his face.

  3. #1908
    Join Date
    22nd October 2020 - 17:03
    Bike
    Suzuki 250 1976
    Location
    Lower Hutt
    Posts
    0

    Smile Sick text jokes

    Kim Kardashian and Kanye west's marriage
    is OVER.
    Hurry up - with a few likes, you might save it.


    Kim Kardashian and Kanye West are
    reportedly divorcing!
    At this difficult time, please give them the
    privacy and space they need to make aTV
    reality show and album about the break_up.



    I'm not surprised Kim and Kanye are getting
    divorced, I wouldn't want to wake up to that
    ridiculous fake arse every day.


    Dr. Dre still got dem Beats.

  4. #1909
    Join Date
    6th June 2008 - 17:24
    Bike
    The Vixen - K8 GSXR600
    Location
    Behind keybd in The Tron
    Posts
    6,519
    Quote Originally Posted by Piper View Post

    I'm not surprised Kim and Kanye are getting
    divorced, I wouldn't want to wake up to that
    ridiculous fake arse every day.

    Neither would I!
    . “No pleasure is worth giving up for two more years in a rest home.” Kingsley Amis

  5. #1910
    Join Date
    22nd October 2020 - 17:03
    Bike
    Suzuki 250 1976
    Location
    Lower Hutt
    Posts
    0

    Smile Sick text jokes

    Trump riots. People in
    camo, bullet proof vests
    and armed with automatic
    weapons wandering about
    outside.
    No wonder they haven't
    won a war for years.
    West Ham, Millwall and
    Leeds would have trashed
    the place in 10 minutes.


    Climbing up on Capitol
    Hill
    I could see the city light
    Wind was blowing, time
    stood still
    Eagle flew out of the night
    He was something to
    observe
    Came in close, I heard a
    voice
    Standing stretching every
    nerve
    Had to listen had no
    choice
    I did not believe the
    information
    ( I ) just had to trust
    imagination
    My heart going boom
    boom boom
    "Son", he said Grab your
    things,
    I'm Trump to take you
    home "


    MAGA : Many Arseholes
    Go Anarchic


    US Officials have
    announced that the only
    safe way to have sex
    during the coronavirus
    crisis is to masturbate in
    front of your partner.
    What a brilliant idea. That
    way she'll be able to hold
    up the magazine for me
    with both hands.


    Prince Harry and Megan
    Markle don't regret Megxit,
    because subservience
    to Prince William was
    insuffable.
    There was also a bloke
    running around with a
    DNA testing kit.


    Tea is like Coronavirus
    imported from China
    and mutated in Britain.

  6. #1911
    Join Date
    22nd October 2020 - 17:03
    Bike
    Suzuki 250 1976
    Location
    Lower Hutt
    Posts
    0

    Sick text jokes

    Donald Chump.


    Donald Trump to start
    his own social media
    platform.
    Twattier.


    Gone and got myself one
    of those things today
    that even an American
    ex-President can't get.
    A twitter account.


    A drop dead gorgeous
    blonde at the club said
    to me, "How about free
    drinks all night in return
    for sex?"
    "Are you sure?" I asked,
    "Because," i said, "I can
    drink a lot of whisky, you
    know."


    Drinking Fosters really
    puts the wee in weekend.


    I took one of my
    daughter's dolls and glued
    a cock onto it so it has
    male parts.
    I call it Dolly part-on.


    When a woman takes
    "artistic, sensual" nudes of
    herself, everyone cheers
    But when I send a B&W
    dic pic with my cock on a
    fancy velvet cushion, I am
    "a perv" and accused of
    sexual harassment?!


    Katie Price has had the
    COVID jab
    Another prick she couldn't
    feel. .


    Covid, 19, from China
    More than willing to
    travel. Will need hosting.
    No preference. Male,
    Female, Old or Young. I
    will Fuck anything.
    Interested in Movies and
    Cartoons, especially
    Batman and Batfink.
    Favourite Band :Black
    Sabbath.
    If Covid was on a dating
    site.


    "Dave. What the fuck is
    that dog doing?! I said
    teach him to fetch!!"
    "Honey, don’t be mad, I
    swear I heard you say
    felch."

  7. #1912
    Join Date
    22nd October 2020 - 17:03
    Bike
    Suzuki 250 1976
    Location
    Lower Hutt
    Posts
    0

    Sick text jokes

    I get knocked down,
    but I get up again
    You are never gonna keep
    me down
    I get knocked down, but I
    get up again
    You are never gonna keep
    me down
    I get knocked down, but I
    get up again
    You are never gonna keep
    me down
    I get knocked down, but I
    get up again
    You are never gonna keep
    me down

    I drink a whiskey drink, I
    drink a vodka drink
    I drink a Lager drink, I drink
    a Cider drink
    I sing the songs that
    remind me of the good
    times
    I sing the songs that
    remind me of the best
    times

    Tubthumping by
    Trumpawamba

  8. #1913
    Join Date
    22nd October 2020 - 17:03
    Bike
    Suzuki 250 1976
    Location
    Lower Hutt
    Posts
    0

    Sick text jokes

    Nex to me in the pub
    there was a Londoner.
    He had a strong cockney
    accent.
    This guy's date went to the
    toilet and he pulled out a
    crossword book.
    I was helping him with a
    crossword.
    "Six letter, contributes to
    a result..." he said. "I want
    to get this one before my
    bird comes back."
    I said, Factor. "
    He said," Nah, not yet bud.
    She's waiting till the third
    date. "


    Trump has a fantastic
    plan for his supporters
    to be able to overwhelm,
    surprise, and infiltrate the
    Establishment with the
    Next "Insurrection."
    So they can get close
    they'll be disguised as a
    Black Lives Matter mob
    until the last minute.


    Trump is being charged
    with sedition.
    It would be better for all of
    us, if instead of charging
    Him with sedition, they
    charged him with 2000
    volts!


    Australian cricket
    captain Tim Paine says
    that Cricket Has Every
    Australian Talking shit.
    CHEATS for short.


    What does Jeremy
    Clarkson have for
    breakfast?
    Hammond eggs.


    The girlfriend was
    wanking me and I asked,
    "How are you so good at
    this?"
    She replied, "Years of
    practice."
    "A bit of a player in your
    day were you?" I laughed.
    "No", she said, "I was born
    and raised in Thailand."


    Nobody does this, nobody
    bothers to even pick that
    up - my wife is forever
    praising this "nobody" just
    wait till I get my hands on
    the smug little cunt.

  9. #1914
    Join Date
    3rd October 2006 - 21:21
    Bike
    Breaking rocks
    Location
    in the hot sun
    Posts
    4,213
    Blog Entries
    1
    Loved this, hated the series!
    Attached Thumbnails Attached Thumbnails Click image for larger version. 

Name:	A8C79429-7C46-445D-B66E-185B251C9CDC.jpeg 
Views:	73 
Size:	80.0 KB 
ID:	348333  
    Only a Rat can win a Rat Race!

  10. #1915
    Join Date
    22nd October 2020 - 17:03
    Bike
    Suzuki 250 1976
    Location
    Lower Hutt
    Posts
    0

    Sick text jokes

    Bruce Willis has admitted
    to making an "error of
    judgement" after
    reportedly being asked to
    leave a Los Angeles store
    for refusing to wear a face
    mask.
    Apparently, he wasn't even
    aware of the effects of his
    actions, until a young boy
    walked up to him and said,
    "I see dead people."


    There she was just a
    walking down the street
    singing "doo ah diddy
    diddy dum diddy doo"
    Is this a lyric from a love
    song by Manfred Man
    or has your mum not
    taken her medication this
    morning?


    Back in my day, you would
    cough to cover up a fart,
    Now with COVID - 19 you
    fart to cover up a cough.


    The sun : NEWS : "Boris
    Johnson has said the UK's
    border control's tough
    measures will stop the
    new variant of Covid-19
    found in Brazil from
    entering Britain".
    How do they intend to
    keep out an invisible virus
    when they couldn't prevent
    3,713 illegal immigrants
    entering Britain illegally
    last year and you can see
    them!


    Trump has been
    impeached more times
    than I've had sex this past
    year!


    Have sent Donald Trump a
    butt plug.
    So that it will stop him
    talking out of his arse.


    I thought I saw a cow's
    arsehole on the television.
    Then I realised it was
    Donald Trump's mouth.


    Someone should perfect a
    bread recipe based around
    dill. How many women
    would admit kneading
    their dill dough?

  11. #1916
    Join Date
    22nd October 2020 - 17:03
    Bike
    Suzuki 250 1976
    Location
    Lower Hutt
    Posts
    0

    Smile Sick text jokes

    According to Australia,
    COVID stands for
    "citizens of Victoria
    ignoring directions"


    This waitress dropped a
    cup of mayonnaise on
    the floor and it splattered
    everywhere.
    Amazingly I actually got
    lucky that night informing
    her that that's what I'd like
    to do to her face and leave
    it looking like a painter's
    radio.


    Mystery surrounds the
    Tower of London where
    a black raven has gone
    missing.

    Not much mystery to me...

    It probably got one of the
    other ravens pregnant and
    being black fucked off.

  12. #1917
    Join Date
    22nd October 2020 - 17:03
    Bike
    Suzuki 250 1976
    Location
    Lower Hutt
    Posts
    0

    Sick text jokes

    Last night I found out we
    had black people in our
    family tree!...
    Not to worry though, Dad
    got his shotgun and shot
    them out of the branches!


    It's a five minute walk
    from my house to the pub.
    It's a thirty five minute
    walk from the pub to my
    house.
    The difference is
    staggering!!


    What is now black on top
    and white on the bottom?
    Society.


    I've got a business selling
    panty pads and Viagra.
    They call me the rag and
    bone man.


    Do they allow loud
    laughing in Hawaii, or just
    a low ha?


    Katie Price wants Harvey
    to finally meet his secret
    half-brother and tells ex
    Dwight Yorke 'the door is
    always open'
    To be fair, it's probably
    safe to say that it just
    won't close anymore.


    Sometimes people appear
    unexpectedly in your life,
    make your heart race
    and after you surrender
    yourself to them, your life
    changes forever.
    These people are called
    cops.


    Why couldn't the
    stuttering rimmer say the
    word 'anus'?
    Because it was stuck on
    the tip of his tongue.


    I've just bought a Liverpool
    shirt, and it's the best
    thing, so far, for social
    distancing.


    I crashed my car this
    morning on the motorway
    and had to leave it on the
    hard shoulder.
    I phoned up my insurance
    company and the woman
    on the phone asked,
    "Are you in the AA?"
    I said, "No, but I am
    concerned I've been
    drinking too much."


    My missus kept harping
    on for me to buy her
    ladies lynx for her
    birthday. She went fucking
    mental when I gave her a
    chain off a ladies bike.


    Report : Undertakers could
    save money by not putting
    the final nail in the coffin.
    In tests, no corpse has
    managed to push the lid
    off yet.


    There's more Chinese
    people in the world than
    any other nationality. My
    wife must think I'm a sex
    God because she's given
    me a Chinese nickname.
    Mousey Dong.


    For sale.
    Charity tins.
    Buyer collects.


    Life is shit and after death
    there is nothing.
    So nothing is better than
    Shit


    A tube of lubricating
    gel please, I said to the
    pharmacist.
    "K. Y," she replied.
    Because my wife's twat
    is as dry as sticks. That's
    why if you must know.


    Girls High School Career
    Advice Of The Day

    Could you be a mermaid?

    Flexible working hours

    No knickers

    No periods

    Terrific sea food diet

    Great hair

    Free bra ( made of clam
    shells.... better line them
    with something soft ).

    Opportunity to entice
    men to their deaths by
    drowning.

  13. #1918
    Join Date
    22nd October 2020 - 17:03
    Bike
    Suzuki 250 1976
    Location
    Lower Hutt
    Posts
    0

    Sick text jokes

    Biden inauguration
    LATEST - 'Insider -
    ASSASSINATION' fears
    force vetting of 25k
    National Guards as Trump
    presidency ends.... get
    your tickets now from
    AXA and Ticketmaster.
    FYI: Anyone remember
    the movie Seven Days In
    May.... just saying.


    Can't stand cricket it's just
    a bloke hitting a ball with
    a piece of wood.
    Give me snooker any day!


    Call to prioritise minority
    ethnic groups for a Covid
    jab.
    Would be ironic, them
    getting shot for a change.


    I got an infection in my
    urethra.
    The doctor said we should
    try penicillin.
    I said I've already put
    a pencil in and it just
    popped the blisters.


    My missus is thick as
    fuck. I've just shagged her
    for the last 30 seconds
    and told her that that the
    little prick will protect
    her against Covid until
    her next one in about six
    months....


    Been in bed with
    Covid! Stupid name for a
    woman I know but she's a
    bit of a looker and we've
    had some great sex and to
    be fair, she got me some
    time off when I rang
    in the morning to say that
    I won't be in as I'm in bed
    with Covid and my kind
    boss told me not to go
    back for 10 days!


    Donald Trump is being
    replaced by the New
    Order.
    How does it feel?


    Hey babe, let's make like
    sheep and let me ram
    ewe.


    I run a pirate radio station
    out of my burger van.
    I'm MC Donald on the
    wheels of veal.

  14. #1919
    Join Date
    22nd October 2020 - 17:03
    Bike
    Suzuki 250 1976
    Location
    Lower Hutt
    Posts
    0

    Sick text jokes

    Kamala Harris, the new
    vice president of the
    U. S. A is the first woman
    to hold that office and
    is of mixed race, Indian
    and Jamaican
    father.
    This should really
    please Donald Trump's
    supporters when she
    becomes president after
    president Joe Biden pegs
    it. They'll need more than
    25,000 National Guards for
    that event.


    Now that Donald Trump
    is no longer President,
    he's looking forward to
    spending less time on the
    golf course.


    Donald Trump
    There egos.


    Day one.
    Biden puts thousands of
    bricklayers out of work.


    I've just watched Lady
    Gaga sing the national
    anthem at Joe Biben's
    Presidential inauguration.
    Amazing voice, she's
    definitely my favourite
    male singer.


    Nice to see Lady
    Gaga singing at the
    inauguration of her father,
    president Gaga.


    And just like that the
    Trump has gone. I opened
    a window, sorry about that.

    ( been waiting four years to post this joke.)

  15. #1920
    Join Date
    22nd October 2020 - 17:03
    Bike
    Suzuki 250 1976
    Location
    Lower Hutt
    Posts
    0

    Smile Sick text jokes

    Today is Linda Blair's 62nd
    birthday She looks great.
    Even at her age she is still
    turning heads....


    Full time score
    Covid 400,000 def
    Trump 0.

Thread Information

Users Browsing this Thread

There are currently 1 users browsing this thread. (0 members and 1 guests)

Posting Permissions

  • You may not post new threads
  • You may not post replies
  • You may not post attachments
  • You may not edit your posts
  •