What's your sickest joke?

[Piper]

Prince Harry joins a Think
Tank in USA. I thought
Meghan did his thinking
for him these days?


Prince Harry Duke of
Sussex, lands a real job
at Silicon Valley life -
coaching firm as the new
chief impact officer.
Going from doing fuck all,
to doing fuck all shouldn't
be a stretch for him.


Question I would have
asked in Meghan Markles
interview would have been
about how high did she
want to climb the royals
family tree and is Meghan
prounounced Meagain?


Meghan and Archie are
now high up in the Royal
Family tree.
My wife got mad
when I explained to
our young son how a
couple of monkeys are
now swinging from the
branches.


While getting ready for
his first day in his new
job, Prince Harry turned to
his wife and said, "Do you
know I have the strangest
feeling that I've forgot to
take something with me?"
To which Meghan replied
"Why of course, it's your
balls Harry. I've got them
safely hung up on my
dressing table mirror. But
don't worry, you won't be
needing them for work, in
the foreseeable future... or
ever to be honest."
"Yes sir" Harry replied


Mick Fleetwood has
revealed he hopes every
past and current member
of Fleetwood Mac will
perform together the
next time the band tour,
following the death of
Co - founder Peter
Green.
I bet Stevie nicks the
limelight.


Serial shagger Mick
Fleetwood has been
rehearsing hard with the
backing vocalists for the
forthcoming Fleetwood
Mac tour and its even
been heard the group's
solo work will be on the
playlist.
He's been strumming
away and banging hard with
some girls on the Edge Of
Seventeen all night.


I wring my bell most days,
still not seen that fucking
Lindt Gold Bunny though!!

[Piper]

I don't understand why
Prince Harry wanted to be
a Generaloberst - sorry
I meant executive - in a
start-up in Silicon Valley.


One of the ginger
whinger's new jobs is
Chief Impact Officer,
abbreviated to "Chimpo".
You know the punchline.


Prince Harry is going
down on Meghan and she's
absolutely loving it.
Harry's enjoying himself
too and he stops for a sec,
Looks up and says :
"Oh darling, this reminds
me of my favourite
gateaux...."
Throbbing with ecstasy,
her highness replies
"Ooh Harry, which one is
that?"
"Black Forest."


The Dusty maid, she met
a prince,
a ginger known as Harry,
all was well she towed the
line
her duties she would carry.
Alas the bliss it did not
last
and the Duchess made
her case,
the Firm didn't help,.
questions were asked
about the babies race.
We want to be alone they
said,
not answer the press
then did the interview
( not for cash.)
some issues to address.
The Prince was sad, his
family lost
and no one seemed to
care,
there's a racist in the
Royal family
of that were keen to share.
But at least our lives are
private.
We've escaped the public glare
just one more Prince been
led astray
and I couldn't fucking
care.

[Piper]

BREAKING NEWS :
The Queen has her
own personal box of
chocolates no one else is
allowed to eat.
I wonder if she prefers the
dark ones?


Rebecca Welch makes
history by becoming
the first female referee
appointed to an English
Football League match, on
Easter Monday.
I just hope her bunny girl
outfit shows off her tits
nicely.


For centuries boffins
have pondered "what
comes first the chicken
or the egg" Well it's easily
answered by a 5 year old
on Easter Sunday.


The royal family should
have taken note of what
happened when the
Americans let a black lad
into their white house
and not made the same
mistake.


Meghan Markle is
'planning to have home
birth for her second
child at her and Prince
Harry's $14.7 million Santa
Barbara mansion'
planning has started as
They move an ICU unit in,
to ensure a natural birth.

[Piper]

Prince Harry is a massive
fan of Easter Sunday.
It's the one day he can
tell his family he's stuffed
his face full of chocolate
without being ostracised.


The premier League /FA
says there is no room for
racism. They don't say
anything about sexism
and misogyny though.


Roy Keane has
commented on
Man City Women v
Barcelona women,
claiming it's the most
amount of cunts he'd seen
running around a football
pitch since the Neville
brothers retired.


The lady who was
interviewing me for a
job said, "I've got two
openings."
The reply "There's three
if your brave enough" wasn't
was she was expecting.


Music FACT : For security
reasons, Kenny Loggins
changes his name every
28 days.


My daughter's black
boyfriend was wearing a
"Fubu" shirt.
I said, "That stands for
Farmers used to beat us.


" How many women have
you had sex with? " my
wife asked me.

I started counting.

" one... two... three...

four... you... six...

seven...


Why did Robertson's stop
using the golliwog on their
jam jar labels?
Black people were using
them as I'd.


What do you do if you see
a space man?
Park in it, man.

[Piper]

Prince Andrew is said
to be excited about
the prospect of zoos
reopening next week.
In particular, he can't wait
to pay to watch the North
American beaver.


Meghan Markle's
ovulating.
Dark chocolate eggs for
Easter, then.


Just been watching the
women's boat race. By the
look of them, there's more
than two cox.


'Boris Johnson to
announce traffic-light
system for International
travel'
I'm hoping Thailand gets
the red light.


"Did you know speed
shrinks your cock to
virtually nothing before
you told me to take it?"
"Yeah. Mine's gone down
to just six inches soft."


My wife and I were waiting
for our Covid Jab when
the nurse looked at my
worried wife and said,
"Don't worry, it's only a
little prick"
"For fucks sake, I replied
" Don't you start as well.


As I sat there awaiting
my Covid jab the young nurse
said, "You might feel a bit
of a prick."
I replied, "Have you heard
my jokes love im used to
it."


"How would you like your
steak?"
"Like winning an argument
with my wife."
"Rare it is sir."


Fender are to release a
tribute guitar celebrating
artists of mixed race.
The Fender Halfcaster will
be available from all good
music stores later this
year.


Mick Jagger has been
arrested for allegedly
shagging a couple of girls
to death whilst on a viagra
trip, or as the newspapers
put it, "how to kill 2 birds
with one stone"! "


TV show That's Life is
returning, shot from a
mobile studio in Florida
fitted with the latest
Miami sound machine.
It's a glorified Esther van.

No, you fuck off... my
coat's already on.


Actress Thandie
Newton has said she is
reverting to the original
Zimbabwean spelling
of her first name,
Thandiwe...
which translates as-
Ungrateful rich halfcast,
jumping on the Sambo
bandwagon ditching your
white heritage.


The Gibson guitar
company has announced
it wishes to be more
representative of the LGBT
community.
They will launch the
Gisbon Les Bian next
month

Sky Interview
"Wayne Rooney - who's the
best you've ever played
with?"
"Mmmm Nani"
"Sorry - which footballer?"


I was before the judge that
was doing our divorce and
I told him how I had been
on this dating site of black
men to track my fat wife's
activities, and how she
had invited every single
user there to a party.
He asked," And what were
her exact words on this
invite?"
"There's a party in my
mouth, and everybody's
cumming."


My wife said to me "You
are going to have to stop
quoting Bill Withers lyrics
everytime you speak to
me."
"I know I know I know I
know I know."


Bond movie in 2021.
My name is Bond James
Bond. And my preferred
pronouns are he/him.


Sky News "Avon and
Somerset Police faced
a third night of demons,
including a naked woman
in her 20s who ran
towards them shouting
abuse."
A case of getting your
Bristols out in Bristol?


Campaingners say the
government report into
racial disparity is a...

Whitewash.

Sounds racist to me. It's
good to see they have a
sense of humour.


Why have Harry and
Meghan never played
together at Wimbledon?
The All England
Lawn Tennis club know
they fuck up mixed
doubles.


I'm not saying my wife's
thick.
But she thinks a light
saber is a tiny striped cat
with big teeth.


Cross - Eyed circumciser
gets the sack.


We're a bit skint so I sold
the wife's biggest vibrator.
Fuck her, she can do the
washing by hand.



Went on a business trip to
Brazil and being half rice half
chips myself, I thought
I'd treat myself to one
of their acclaimed male
prostitutes for the night
Took him back to the
hotel and said, "I want to
eat your naughty Brazilian
sausage..."
He says, "Ah, innuendo..."
"No, in your mouth."


I failed my latest job
interview after proudly
announcing I'd just taken
part in my first mixed-race
threesome.
I wasn't sure what I'd
done wrong until my mate
explained the proper term
is Triathlon.


I run a launderette.
And, much to my
embarrassment, I recently
went to the local nunnery
and asked the Mother
Superior if she had any
dirty habits.


I've realised that there are
two very important rules
to being successful.
1.Never let them know
everything you know....



I've just opened an email
with the subject "Ding
Dong"
of course I would, it's the
Chinese hooker I've began
cheating with.


I've had a lot of days off
work recently because
of that fake virus, so I've
been doing Zoom group
lessons of this Israeli self-
defence /martial-arts.
Don't know why they get
so mad though when I
jokingly call it Jewjitsu.


When I was a child I had
many imaginary friends.
They were real people, I
just imagined they were
my friends


My mate just crashed
and rolled his brand new
Nissan all-electric car.
He took it literally when I
suggested he should turn
over a new leaf.


I had a discussion with my
wife today regarding our
little child. She thought I
should have let her win
at chess while I thought
misleading a nine year
old was wrong and that
she would not be able
to gauge her progress
through the years unless
I played my normal game.
Life itself has harsh
lessons. My wife won the
argument ( I'd like sex this
week ) and now I have to
let my child win in future.
Do you think my wife was
right?

Meanwhile, news in the
film industry awards
it was a big night for
diversity at the Screen
Actors Guild ( SAG )
Awards, with actors from
ethnic minorities winning
all four individual film
categories for the first
time.


How do you fit three
Homosexuals on one
Barstool?
Turn it upside-down...

[Piper]

What's the difference
between a black man and
Batman?
Batman can go into a
shop without Robin.


"Oh look, a robin."
"That's your Dad, come
especially to see you and
to let you know he's ok."
So why did I see him over
there with that prostitute
and why is he now flying
to that drug dealer? "


Jamal was on a blind date
in a restaurant with a lady
he met online.
" I was looking at a lot of
your pictures last night."
said the lady
Jamal laughs, Perving
through my Facebook,
were you?"
"No" she replies, "On
Crimewatch."


What does a black kids
dad and Nemo have in
common?
They both can’t be found.


Fender are now offering a
free years supply of Phal
curry with every purchase
of their new guitar but be
quick the Splattercaster is
going fast.


Fender have introduced a
guitar aimed at the BAME
rap market
The ghettoblaster brand
name has convenietly
fallen out of copyright


People who eat Pot
Noodles must suffer from
depression.
The sauce sachet says
tear here.


I remember arguing with
my friend John
Bobbitt over the size of
our houses.
"I have a Semi," I said to
him.
"Well I've got a Detached,
He retorted.


Tokyo officials are making
every preparation to
ensure world records are
smashed in this year's
Olympics.
For instance, in the
men's 100m instead of a
starter's gun, they'll just
shout out " Police! "


Gibson guitars are
marketing to post-op
trannies.
The new "Less Balls" will
be available in standard,
studio and custom
models, all with cutaway.


Mi6 recently trained a
bunch of spies in Russian
language and culture
and sent them to remote
corners of Eurasia...
As soon as one got
there and started probing
around for some unusual
information, this lady
declared "You spy."
"I no spy."
You spy. "
" I speak Russian, drink
vodka, do all the dances. "
" Don't care, you still spy. "
" How do you know? "
" There no black women in
central Russia. "


I don't know what these
Australian gold and opal
miners keep complaining
about.
They all find heaps within
an hour of the cameras
rolling.


My dad always said when
one door closes, another
one opens.
Come to think of it, he was
a shit Carpenter.


You've heard the saying
"When one door closes
another opens."
Doesn't really apply when
you're in prison.......


Meghan Markle's entire
personality can be
summed up be the first
two letters of her
name.


I asked the wife if she
fancied some S and M
earlier, she was well up for
it. Anyway, five minutes
later the fat cunts bawling
her eyes out gripping the
quilt up close, so I said
"You was ok with this, why
are you crying?"
She replied, "I thought you
said M and M's."

[Piper]

The Queen is on a Zoom
call to Prince Harry and says,
"Harry my dear, Did you
have a nice Easter?"
"Oh Ya granny was top
drawer. Fantastic on the
chocolate front. Three
Dark ones."
Her Majesty calmly
removes her glasses and
says, "Ewww Harry not
another one...."


A Fender guitar is like a
woman. Best there's
no strings attached.


Fender guitars built a one-off
customized guitar for
Bob Marley.
Fender Rastacaster.


Just bought a Pete
Townsend signature
model Gibson SG
It's only ten years old.


BREAKING NEWS : "Woods
travelling between
84-87mph when he
crashed.
Fuck me, Cheetahs can
only do seventy.


Charges were dropped
against a man accused
of making death threats
against Northern Ireland
health minister Robin
Swann after it emerged
he only said he wanted to
kill two birds with the one
stone.

[Piper]

"So, Prince Harry, your
wife plays guitar and uses
a wah-wah pedal?"
"What? No!"
"Really? But she makes
a' wah-wah ' sound all the
time."


Police have been called
nine times to Harry
and Meghan's home in
America.
Well that's what happens
when you have a nigger
running loose on your
property over here.


"... Following NINE ( 9.) call
outs to Meghan Markle's
mansion, Santa Barbara
police Department have
changed their vehicle siren
sound to" Me-Me, Me-Me "


Prince Harry runs into
his local chemist and says,
" Please can you give me
something to get rid of my
awful little blackheads! "
Guy behind the till says,
" Bit fuckin late for that
isn't it pal. "


Gary Glitter taught me
to play the guitar, to be
fair he was crap but he
couldn't half finger A
minor.

[Piper]

Asian woman goes to the Post Office
and asks to change her money from
Sterling to Yuan.
The Post office clerk says, "Okay
your £100 is worth 5000 Yuan".
The Asian woman says, "Last week
I come in and get 6000 Yuan why it
change?"
The clerk says, "Fluctuations"
The Asian replies, "Fluc you white
people too."

I went to this store
and told the clerk I
was looking for one
of those rotating
trays you can put on a
table to spin plates of
food around to you,
rather than having to
reach across to get
What you want.
"Ahh," he said "The Lazy
Susan?"
"Yeah, it's a gift for her
50th"


I was relaxing on the
settee with the wife last
night watching the box,
She was coming on all
amorous, so when I asked
her what she'd like to
watch next, she snuggled
up really close and said :
"I want to watch
something steamy..."
So I put on a scat movie.


I have spent my whole
life living with Hyenas. It
hasn't been easy but there
have been a lot of laughs
as well.


When my wife found out
I was into beastiality, she
asked me, how low can
you go?"
I said, "A jack russel."

[Piper]

What have HM Elizabeth II
and Philip Schofield got in
common?
They're both mourning
Queens.


Wayne Rooney is on
his way to Buckingham
Palace to collect his CBE...
Chance to Bone Elizabeth.


Apparently Prince Phillip
didn't say Archie was part
monkey... He actually
said he'll be part of the
monarchy.


Meghan Markle has been
asked to return to the UK
urgently. Apparently the
royal family need a spade
to dig the grave.


"Stephen Miller : Joe Biden
has shut down ICE"
I wondered why it was so
hot at the Southern border.

[Piper]

Meghan won't be attending
Prince Phillips funeral
next Saturday.
She doesn't appreciate it
when all the attention is
on a white man.


I see Boris has given up
his place at Prince Phillips
funeral to allow for the
family to attend.
So why the fuck is Harry
going?


The Royal Family have
announced we will
enter a "period of national
mourning" following the
death of Prince Phillip.
Prince Andrew will just
enter a period


It seems like we've in a eight day national
period of mourning.
Finally, we can pay respect to the 120,000
souls who have died to the incompetent
handling of the covid pandemic, well done
Boris.


The Queen has emailed
all members of the Royal
Family asking them to
take a spade to Prince
Philips funeral to help dig
the grave. Prince Harry
replied saying "her names
Meghan, if you don't
mind."


Dave Gilmour and Nick Mason
were walking down the road in
London one day in 1972 and saw a
mad nigger with his arse hanging
out of a window.
The rest as they say is history


The chemist always asks for
my date of birth.
I think she's going to get me
something.

[Piper]

BREAKING NEWS :
Meghan Markle will attend
Prince Phillip's funeral
after all. The royal family
have decided they need a
spade to dig the grave.


Before giving permission
to attend Markle gave
Ginger a set of rules to
read on the plane.

1. Wear a wire at all
times so I can monitor
conversations.

2. Don't be pictured with
Will's and Kate.

3. Learn your lines for 'off
the cuff' interview with
ITV.

4. Don't break my rules.

( credit Meghan Markle )


I can only imagine the
response when Prince
Andrew dies, I think its fair
to say he touched more
people than Philip.


Prince philip and Andrew
had one very important
thing in common.
They both loved shooting
their load at young birds.


The Queen will probably
lapse into that state that
all widowed grans do.
Not giving a fuck. Don't
be surprised if the next
Queen's speech
starts with her looking at
the Christmas Turkey and
saying : After the year's
events: That's the only
cock one will be getting
from now on.



For sale : One invite to a
prestigious royal event.
Next Saturday UK.
Contact Meghan Markle
USA. Item no longer
needed as he's not fucking
going.



" The Talk’s Sheryl
Underwood sobs and
claims she has PTSD after
Sharon Osbourne row "
I can't say I'm surprised.
I wouldn't want to argue
with a woman whose
husband bites the heads
off bats.




My mate Dave asked me
who I would last longer
with, 2 minutes with Mike
Tyson or 2 minutes with
Emilia Clarke? I told him
that I probably wouldn't
get an erection with Mike
Tyson, but I'd give it a try


People who've had covid
get antibodies.
That's why I'm wearing
Auntie's clothes.


"l'm fed up of you playing
that acoustic guitar, you
play with it more than you
do with me. Moaned my
wife.
" Well that's because it
sounds better, it's better
shaped and the holes not
as big " I replied.

[Piper]

Meghan Markle has said
she's prepared to forgive
the Royal Family and
move on.
Where there's a Will,
there's a way.


"Oh Your Highness, I'm not
sure. I think I'm not ready
for this and besides, I've
got a terrible indigestion..."
"Don't worry my dear. I'm
planning on giving you
some of Andrew's Original
Salts."


The world health
organisation have
released all of China's live
food from their cages.
That's right folks, WHO let
the dogs out.
( Taxi ).


Watching women's
football reminds me of
when I was learning the
control for FIFA.


What are a pre-eminent
white rapper's favourite
sweets?
M&Ms
( Not that it Mathers).


In their divorce
proceedings, Kim
Kardashian and Kanye
West have both applied
for joint custody.
Surely they can afford to
just roll another one.


FAQs on single - source
double - mutant triple - helix
Corona variant in India...

Q. Why curfew from 8pm
to 7am?
A. Due to rising
temperatures with the
onset of summer, Corona
likes to step out when
it gets cool. Hence the
curfew.
.
Q. Is it safe to attend
religious places?
A. Yes. Corona is afraid
of religion and does not
attack the lakhs who
gather to pray to God.

Q. Is it safe to attend
political rallies?
A. Absolutely. Corona is
terrified of politicians,
especially the ones who
occupy the highest posts.

Q. Why are only 20
people or less allowed at
cremations?
A. Cremations generate
lot of heat, which weakens
the virus. It tries to
escape by jumping from
one person to the other.
Research has shown that
a critical mass of 21 or
more people ensures
survival of the virus.
Hence the restriction of
20.

Q. Why are only 50
people or less allowed at
weddings?
A. Indian weddings
generate lot of sound and
light, which scares she
virus. The virus requires
a critical mass of 51 or
more people to survive

Q. Why does Corona not
attack crowded buses?
A. The virus has mutated
and acquired human
qualities. It hates road
traffic and avoids
buses due to the longer
commute. Hence crowded
buses are safe.

Q. Are local trains
dangerous?
A. Yes. Corona prefers
trains due to the quick
commute. Also, the virus
enjoys the breeze when
standing on the foot board.


Q. Why does Corona not
attack slum dwellers?
A. Corona cannot stand
the competition from
malaria and TB and hence
focuses on higher income
flats.

Q. Does lockdown help?
A. Indeed it does Corona
hangs around outside the
door, waiting for people
to step out to pick the
newspaper, get the milk,
go outside etc. Hence
lockdown protects you
by ensuring you stay
inside your home. Note
that Corona never enters
your home, it only stays
outside.

[Piper]

Biker's are hairy fat,
bearded, smell of piss
and are shit at having
sex on the greasy seat of
their knackered smoke
machine.
And don't even get me
started on the men.

. I got into a lift in London,
only to find there were half
a dozen black youths in it.
When the doors closed
the one nearest the panel
said, "Yo, what button you
want me to push white
boy?"
I replied, The one with the
bell on it please. "


My dyslexic butcher was
telling me about the time
Wayne Rooney turned up
at his shop.
Hardly surprising when
you've got a sign outside
saying" Finest Matured
Cunts. "


" Women's football is shit. "
" Why do you watch it? "
" Just in case they swap
shirts at the end. "


I went into an electrical
shop and asked the
shop assistant," Would
Somebody help me to
choose a kettle. "
He said," Yeah of course,
Kenwood? "
I said," Can you get him
then please? "

Getting the vaccination
is not always such a
pleasant experience.
I waited patiently and the
medic breezed in saying
"Now then sir, just a small
prick!" I said, "Yeah well
you've got saggy jugs and a
fat arse!".... Cheeky sods.

[Piper]

Prince Andrew is not
allowed to dress up in his
navy admiral 'costume' at
the weekend. I doubt it will
stop him from unloading
his sea-men into some
virgin waters though.


Racing pigeons will be
released in Windsor in
tribute on the day of
Prince Philips funeral.
Fuck sakes Boris what
state have you left the
Airforce in?


The Queen has banned
her family from wearing
military uniform at the
funeral of Prince Phillip, to
protect her favourite child.
Anything to avoid the
words Prince Andrew and
medals being said in the
same sentence.


"Oh, you've made me wet,"
so I dismantled her and
put her in a bag of rice.
I love how phones are so
personable these days.


"Kamala Harris breaks
21-day silence on border
crisis."
Frankly, I'm happier when
women like her keep their
mouths shut.


"Black Restaurant Week"
You order fried chicken,
water melon with a Kool-Aid,
Then dine and dash.