Just been listening
to a conversation
between two old
women who were
observing social
distancing.
"Windy isn't it?"
"No,it's Thursday"
"So am I,let's
have a nice cup
of tea."
Swiss public health officals
say it's ok to hug grandchildren
if they are under 10 because
young children cannot spread
the disease to others.
Now we know where Prince Andrew
is hiding.
Mike Pence says he
didn't want to wear
a mask on tour of a
hospital because
he wanted to look
healthcare personal
in the eye.
And we thought Trunp
was the stupid
one.
I was a contestant on
The Voice in hindsight
I think it was a mistake
to cover Aswad's
"Don't Turn Around."
My missus caught me
watching porn,tutted
and went upstairs,anyway
she came back down dressed
in a nurses uniform,"Wow,"
I said,"time for fun and
sex games then?"
"Is it fuck," she replied,
"Get your coat,were going
shopping."
My last girlfriend asked
me how many women I'd
slept with.
I said,"roughly" 25 the
rest I was gentle with.
For those of you still
confused by the social
distancing guidelines,six
feet is 1.82 metres,while
2 metres is 6 foot 6 and
three-quarters.
I hope that helps.
My wife bought me a
penis ring for my
birthday.
Can't get the fucker
to install on my
phone.
There's an Arab who lives
near me who can carry a
bucket of coal on his stiff
cock.
Mind you,if he hadn't been
caught thieving twice he
wouldn't need too.
When I was in school
we were on a trip
heading east,and this
paki kid on the bus
started going absolutely
mental and freaking out.
We finally got him subdued
and calmed down once we
explained what was on
the sign he saw and the
he wouldn't be getting
bathed but we're just
heading to an estuary called
"The Wash."
Colenel Tom Moore had
a flyover above his
house on his birthday.
A bit extreme.
Most would be happy
with a road named after
them.
Worry dog walkers
and parents at your
local park by walking
around looking concerned
with a 25 inch diameter
black,leather studded
collar attached to a
4 foot long 3 inch
wide rope shouting
"Here satan,Here boy.
My wife divorced
me due to my constant
and excessive use of
the C word.
On reflection,it may
have been better to
find out what her Mums
name actually
was.
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