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Thread: What's your sickest joke?

  1. #2761
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    22nd October 2020 - 17:03
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    Smile Sick Text Jokes

    "What's is a New Year's resolution?
    Something that goes in one year and out
    the other."

  2. #2762
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    22nd October 2020 - 17:03
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    Next time you get,'Liverpool have won
    the league more times than anybody else,'
    remind them Rangers 55 times or Celtic 54.


    Mark Williams: Former World Champion
    requires oxygen during match
    I can't speak for him or anyone else, but I
    need it all the time.

  3. #2763
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    A study just came out that shows
    decreasing the amount of sugar in obse
    children's diet improves their health within
    10 day.
    The study was conducted by a bunch of
    jerks trying to ruin Easter...


    Are you having a bad day?
    Just remember, some idiot out there is
    pulling a door that says push.


    Graham Norton will soon embark on his
    first ever live tour of Australia.
    I bet he starts off in Sidney.


    Duke and Duchess of Sussex hug survivors
    of Los Angeles wildfires -as if they
    hadn't suffered enough already!


    A movie is being made featuring a black
    Superman.He's the man of steal.


    With the new secret service coming in for the new president
    they won't be saying "get down", they will be saying
    "Donald Duck!"


    Scots mental health nurse sparked mass brawl
    in Glasgow nightclub and struck a man with
    a shoe
    Yeah, that health nurse does sound kind of
    mental.


    Gordon Ramsey deeply apologise to everyone
    he ever called a donkey.
    After months of self reflection, he came to the
    realisation that it wasn't fair on the donkeys.


    Easter is still months away yet but today I
    saw big chocolate eggs in the supermarket.
    Then the black teen spotted me staring
    down her top

  4. #2764
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    22nd October 2020 - 17:03
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    Smile Sick Text Jokes

    Raise your hand if you watched Elon
    Musk's speech last night?

  5. #2765
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    22nd October 2020 - 17:03
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    Elon Musk gives Nazi salute
    "It was toe-curling embarrassing for us all,"
    said several Nazis.


    Elon Musk has come out in defence of his
    photo

    "I was NOT giving a Nazi salute," He said in a
    statement.
    I first touched my heart, then threw
    out love to the people there.
    I threw out love to the people of the United
    States.
    I threw out love to Joe Biden and the
    previous administration.
    And finally I threw out to love to Donald Trump,
    on his inauguration as our Fuhrer!"


    Elon Musk's new car named the
    "Swasti Car."


    Am I the only one who can't read the name
    Alex Rudakubana without hearing Barry
    Nanilow singing it?


    Hardcore vegans think all zoos should be
    closed and the animals returned to their
    natural habitat
    But then where would all the divorced dads
    take their kids on the weekend?
    Besides McDonald's that is.


    Today I saw a granny wearing a T-shirt that
    said Superdry.
    I thought yeah I bet it is .

  6. #2766
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    22nd October 2020 - 17:03
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    Smile Sick Text Jokes

    Ange Postecoglu gets involved in a fight
    while leaving Harrods.

    When the lift operator asked,

    "Going down?"


    The Rolling stones were gearing up to hit
    the road on a mammoth tour this summer.
    However, Mick Jagger and Keith Richards
    pulled the plug after promoters were unable
    to secure wheelchair access.


    Stars who can't stand Meghan Markle
    Wouldn't it be easier to list the people
    who like her? It would be a very short
    List.


    Prince Harry will be livid, his niece Beatrice
    has just given
    birth to a baby blacker than the one
    he has.


    It blows my mind that NASA is able
    to receive data from 4.67 billion
    miles away
    but I lose my WiFi signal in my
    kitchen.

  7. #2767
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    Smile Sick Text Jokes

    Beyonce, sporting straight blonde hair has
    won a Grammy for her country album
    in the category 'its Not Cultural Appropriation
    When We Do it '


    I read in the news today that Scotland are
    looking to ban cats
    Fair play if you ask me, it's a shit musical
    and that Lloyd Webber is a cunt


    Netflix vows to stand by Megan and Harry.
    Which in TV talk, means they're well
    fucked.


    "P" Daddy was originally Puff Daddy.
    I think he should go a step further and
    change his real name to Sean Grooms.


    What makes me laugh about social media
    is it's not very social.
    More a minefield of dickheads with a few
    good cunts in between.


    After a long meeting at the pub with my
    mates, we decided to form a group called
    "War against nutters, knobheads, eejits and
    retard society."

    The only downside is its abbreviation is
    W.A.N.K.E.R.S


    I've heard that an evil scientist has spliced
    genes from Bond villains Blofeld and Oddjob.
    He's hoping to create the ultimate Blojob.


    I was watching that Batman film "The Dark
    Knight"
    Great movie, but a bit far fetched.
    There's no way people in real life would
    support some obvious lunatic with
    a bizarre hairstyle and makeup who
    just aims to bring out the very worst
    in everyone and pit them against
    one another...


    Bridget Jane's parachute up for sale-no
    strings attached.
    Do they mean her big knickers?


    0% alcohol spirits.
    Can't see the point.Like
    sucking a nipple through
    through a jumper.


    Football commentator: "Anfield
    has got to be the hardest place
    at the moment."
    ... said with confidence of a man
    who has never seen Diane Abbott's
    minge.

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