Today is
Independence
Day in the U.S.On
being informed of
this,Donald
Trump
summoned Jeff
Goldblum and
Will Smith to
report to the
pentagon
immediately.
I took the family
to a zoo at the
weekend and got
arrested for
public indecency.
As we walked
past the
chimpanzee
enclosure,one of
the cheeky
simians threw a
trud at my wife.I
started laughing,
and she raged,
"Why don't you
go in there and
spank the
monkey?"
Be careful with
the John Denver
voiced navman.It
will only take you
home via country
roads.
I haven't had a
wank for a week.
I'm simply not
feeling myself.
I fancied this
woman in a bar
last night and she
promised to take
me home with
her,if I could
undress her with
a few words.I
said,"There's a
fucking spider in
your bra."
My local gallery
has an exhibition
of art composed
by shetland
ponies,mainly
pencil sketches of
cars,lorries and
vans.My mate
said,"They are
shit." I replied
"That's harsh
mate,it must be
hard to hold a
pencil with hooves.
I think
they're pretty
good for horse
drawn vechiles."
To the person
who stole my
glasses.I will find
you.I have
contacts...
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