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Thread: What's your sickest joke?

  1. #2056
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    22nd October 2020 - 17:03
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    The NATO phonetic
    alphabet is used to
    identify new variants
    of Covid-19 because
    describing them after the
    nationally of origin could
    lead racism.
    But what if the ninth new
    variant comes from India
    and the twenty-fifth one
    comes out of the United

    BBC world service : North
    Korea issues warning on
    music citizens should
    listen to.
    Which leaves the question
    dangling. Blur or Oasis?

    The England fan who
    stuck a flare up his arse
    at the Euro final has been
    described in the news as
    'not the brightest spark'
    They obviously didnt see
    the footage.

    Ordered some items from
    Wish last year and they
    still haven't arrived.
    They should change their
    name to You Wish.

    Figures.... only black guy
    You've got that can take a
    penalty is Lewis Hamilton.

    Have you noticed how
    many Formula one drivers
    have names linked to
    Scottish Towns?
    Stirling Moss.
    Lewis Hamilton.
    Eddie Irvine.
    Ayr Town centre...

    Reports of Stephen
    Hawking having another
    relationship with a
    Black nurse tells me he
    definitely had a thing for
    Black holes.

    Kieran O'Connor
    Des O'Connor, Tom
    I reckon Sinéad should
    start putting her affairs in

  2. #2057
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    22nd October 2020 - 17:03
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    Dear England team.

    I'm an American lady so
    I don't really understand
    your Limey soccer, but I
    was tremendously upset
    by the overt racism shown
    by so-called fans after the

    I was moved to tears by
    the ceremony before each
    match where your players
    -both black and white -
    made a touching gesture
    asking for justice, a
    position always favoured
    by my own wrongly-
    convicted son.

    Yours faithfully
    Mrs Chauvin USA.

    Fellow racists to avoid
    detection online can
    I suggest we use
    Indian - Tanned White And
    Turban now a twat
    Pakistani - Corner Using
    Nations Trade cunt
    African - Normally In Gaol
    Goes Everywhere Robbing
    and Stabbing - that won't
    African wants our Goods
    -still won't work.
    Can anyone Find Fucking
    African Response.

    Kids nowadays have to
    be double-jabbed to go
    I know girls who used to
    go clubbing to be double-jabbed.

    Does anyone else who
    watches Long Lost Family
    on ITV, have the same
    concern that Black people
    are underrepresented?

    "Abortion is wrong"

    "My baby, my choice... By
    the way you can't come in
    here without a mask"

    "My body, my choice"

    "But you could kill an
    innocent person"

    "Check mate"

    Everton FC have
    announced they've made
    a huge mistake in signing
    Andros Townsend.
    It was Pete they were
    actually looking at.

    When asked what his
    favourite all-time tune was
    Prince Harry replied :
    Under Your Thumb, Godley
    & Creme.

    Wolf whistling and catcalling become crimes
    to bring an end to 'public sexual harassment.'
    So, only pelvic thrusts from now on.

    I'm looking forward to
    watching the football
    at the Olympics. I heard
    Rashford, Sancho and
    Saka are all in the team. . .
    Did I say Olympics? I
    meant paralympics.

  3. #2058
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    22nd October 2020 - 17:03
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    "Prince Harry under fire
    for 'grotesque' 20M book
    There wouldn't have
    been so much outrage if
    he hadn't called it "The
    Ginger Prince And His Bed

    The Duke of Sussex, 36,
    on Monday confirmed the
    forthcoming release of his
    autobiography, which he
    has collaborated with a
    Prince Andrew was
    unavailable for a

    News Headline :
    "John Bishop of Dr. Who
    fame in car crash avoiding
    big chicken"
    I expect that his big hen
    bearing was the cause.

    Feminist. If you hate men
    so much, why do you look,
    dress and act like us?

    I like trout but I don't like
    rainbow trout.
    That's for the LGTB +

    BBC : Marcus Rashford
    defends charity deals over
    profit claims
    Marcus Cashford?

    In the 1961 film El Cid
    the Iconic sea fortress
    of Valencia was filmed
    further down the coast of
    the town of Peniscola...
    Also famed for creating
    an unsuccessful rival
    brand to Coke and Pepsi.

  4. #2059
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    22nd October 2020 - 17:03
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    Top Tip... two hits off a
    crackpipe will get you into
    outer space longer than
    Jeff Bezos rocket.

    What a waste of money..

    What the hell were the
    Japanese thinking,
    sacking their Olympic
    ceremony director for
    antisemitic behaviour..?
    It's still the transfer
    window and the Labour
    Party would've gladly paid
    good money for him.

    Prince Harry's latest book
    deal to include a book for
    children. Suggested titles?

    G is for Ginger

    The Black Princess and
    The Magical Vagina

    Who's My Daddy?

    Grandma doesn’t like

    The Whitest Witch of

    Black Oprah wants to help

    Sport's-Paralympics -

    Because of covid the
    Aussies and kiwis have
    Pulled out of some egg
    chasing world cup thingy
    that I hadn't a clue was
    about to happen here in
    Apparently It's the less
    popular form of egg
    chasing so far literally the
    dozen or so people in the
    UK who will disappointed
    I send my heart felt

    New Zealanders, if you
    hate being mistaken for
    Australians so much, why
    don't you just stop talking
    like them.

  5. #2060
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    22nd October 2020 - 17:03
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    Sick text jokes

    I'm not saying Mick
    Jagger's getting on a bit,
    but he's bringing out a new
    single called Hey, You Get
    Off My Lawn.

    Have you heard a certain very.
    famous British model
    is actually the offspring
    of an affair between her
    mother and Mick Jagger?
    Personally, I don’t believe
    A Rolling Stone fathers no

    Mick Jagger is turning 78.
    Just think in another
    ten years time. "If My
    calculations are correct.
    When this baby hits 88
    miles per hour, you've
    gonna see some serious

    I've got one of those
    smart watches and it just
    vibrated and read 'isn't it
    time for a walk' ........
    ..... and what with my poor
    eyesight I was sitting at my
    desk with my trousers
    round my ankles and the
    tissues out........

    will write FOUR books.
    In an interview Harry said, I
    am really looking forward
    to writing this trilogy "

    Driving Fast and Furious?
    That's Ludacris.

    The Tokyo Olympics
    should be abandoned
    because drug abuse is
    It became immediately
    obvious at the opening
    ceremony, when the
    athletes started waving
    to the crowd in a empty

    China's Yang Qian won
    the first gold medal of the
    Tokyo Olympics, in the
    women's 10m air rifle.
    She did well to hold a gun
    that long

    My gay son recently
    joined the Army because
    They're now advertising
    themselves as much more
    "woke" and gay-friendly,
    and also my gay son said
    he wants to be just like his
    "hero" Prince Harry!
    and it seems the little
    faggot is actually getting
    his wish... he elated
    on the first day of training
    the officers already told
    him that as an LGBTQ he's
    a "protected class" and
    like Prince Harry he's also
    "much too precious to
    ever actually see combat"

    My Ducky Dennis will soon
    be patrolling the streets
    of Brighton as a special
    He wont be allowed to
    pack a big truncheon,
    However I will look
    forward to ironing his
    uniform and give a lot of
    attention when it comes
    to polishing his helmet.

    Just had at thing come up
    on my phone.
    Emmerdale : Meena plays
    with Leanna's ring.
    Don't remember seeing
    that episode.

    Pikeys from the halting
    site on the outskirts of
    town are holding their own

    1.( Bear knuckle ) boxing,
    where they wear paws
    of a grizzly.

    2. Rowing. All have
    practice, especially at

    3.Road race. Who can lay
    the least tarmac then run
    away the quickest.

    4 Fencing. Who can sell
    the most stolen chattels.

    5.Hammer. Who can nail
    hitting their opponent
    hardest in the head with

    6.Shooting.Rival drug

    7.Curling.Ohe off

    8.Biathlon.For curious

    9.Triple jump. Three
    brothers fucking the
    younger sister.

    No doubt all will be able
    to steal a podium place and
    a medal.

    Former Ireland
    international Neil Franics
    has been sacked for his
    "offensive" description
    of British Lion's fly-half
    Marcus Smiths skin
    Francis described smith
    as having "an Oompa
    Loompa tan" which
    caused widespread
    outrage on social media
    When asked for his
    thoughts, a leading
    member of the Oompa
    Loompa community
    commented, "Oompa
    Loompa doompety doo
    I'm not sure I understand
    What all the fuss is
    about, do you? Oompa
    Loompa doompety dee.
    Do these melts not realise
    we are entirely fictional
    characters who have no
    need for anyone to take
    offensive on our behalf
    over a comment which
    was, let's be honest,
    intended as a joke rather
    than any perceived racial
    slur. It's all a bit mad
    really "

  6. #2061
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    22nd October 2020 - 17:03
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    Mick Jagger is 78 today.
    At this point, the devil has
    sympathy for him.

    Serial nonce R Kelly is
    facing fresh allegations of
    sexual assault against a
    young boy in McDonald's.
    Apparently he exposed
    himself through his Big

    That Prince Andrew bloke
    has to be the luckiest
    fucker on Earth. Born into
    obscene wealth, nothing
    but the best, the pick of
    the world's women, ( mind
    you, he married a minger )
    protected from harm in
    his army days, got away
    with shagging kids, but
    the fucking clincher, 100
    degree temps out there
    and the cunt doesn't

    Here I am sitting on the
    decking sweating like a
    priest at choir practice
    thinking what a jammy fkr
    Prince Andrew is not being
    able to sweat in this heat.

  7. #2062
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    22nd October 2020 - 17:03
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    Good on Tom Daley
    winning a gold medal in
    the diving as we know he's
    not going to win prizes for
    muff diving anytime soon.

    Well done Tom Daley on
    getting gold.
    He usually only aims for
    the bronze.

    Tom Daley should've been
    a boxer. He can still take
    a dive and get battered in
    the ring.

    Never realised how
    much Joey Barton and
    Giggs have in common.
    Big house, flash cars,
    money, hot girlfriends,
    beating them up, physical
    and mental abuse. Only
    difference real difference
    is Giggs was a footballer
    and won 34 trophies.

    Katie Price visited my
    shop this morning. She'd
    seen a ping-pong act in
    a Bangkok nightclub and
    wanted to recreate it for
    her latest boyfriend.
    Sold her my entire stock
    of beach balls.

    The Olympics are being
    shown late at night, so
    last night at 3 am. I tried
    to convince my wife I was
    on the computer watching

  8. #2063
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    22nd October 2020 - 17:03
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    * DAILY MAIL *
    'Should men be BANNED
    from outside women's
    fitting rooms? Woman
    whose teenage daughter
    felt uncomfortable during
    her first bra fitting claims
    it's' inappropriate ' for men
    to linger'
    I disagree with this, she
    would never have known she
    needed the next size up if I
    hadn't of said anything.

    I think the rules of
    women's Olympics
    volleyball it's, first cum first

    Just been watching the
    ladies weight lifting from
    the Olympics.
    The UK girl has a lovely

    Just read the headline
    that pink is to pay
    handball bikini bottom
    fines.. Very disappointed when
    I read the story, I thought
    she'd been caught sniffing
    them or something.

  9. #2064
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    22nd October 2020 - 17:03
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    ZZ Top Bassist Dusty
    Hill has died. I guess he's
    been Eliminated.

    Dusty Hill... Eliminated.

    Report : Olympics wants
    to cancel "sexualisation"
    of attractive female
    I don't think they're going
    to achieve much, I've even
    had a couple of wanks
    that I'm quite unproud of
    to Laurel Hubbard.

  10. #2065
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    22nd October 2020 - 17:03
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    Sick text jokes

    I was going to go see The
    Eagles, but I gave them
    the bird.

    R. I. P Dusty Hill...
    Ashes to ashes, funk to
    We know Dusty Hill was
    never a junkie.
    Not with that beard

    Just seen that Charlotte
    Dujardin with all her
    medals pinned on.
    I thought she was a
    Korean General.

    A further 30 black
    students starting at
    Cambridge over the next
    three years will have their
    university costs covered
    as part of a scheme by the
    rapper Stormzy.
    I was unaware that
    Cambridge required more
    toilet cleaners?...

    A new study has
    surprisingly revealed that
    the English city with the
    highest - earners under the
    age of 30 is not London,
    but Liverpool.
    Fuck me, the value of
    copper wiring and car
    radios must have gone up

    I was watching the end of
    the Cardiff to Tenby cycle
    ride once and a woman
    pulled up by me having
    just finished the ride and
    said to this guy that after
    the ride she didn't have a
    hair left on her fanny.
    I said, "prove it."

    True story.

    Jodie Whittaker is to quit
    Dr Who after becoming
    the first female to play the
    main role in the show.
    Subtitles will be a must
    when John Bishop
    appears on Dr Who.......

    I just got an uber or as
    your mum likes to call it, a
    hard on.

    So Simon Cowell is
    scrapping The X Factor
    after 17 years.
    About time Simon. We've
    been telling you this for 17

    Simon Cowell has
    announced that The X
    Factor will be brought to a
    close because he doesn't
    want it to become a joke.
    That horse has not only
    bolted,. Charlotte Dujardin
    has just won her 6th
    Olympic medal on it.

    I was listening to the
    radio in the early hours
    of the morning. The guy
    was saying how the cox
    was increasing the stroke
    from 39 to 42 a minute.
    I thought I could beat
    that and felt quite proud
    of myself. As this went
    on for three minutes I
    realised I couldn't have
    kept it up for so long
    and felt deflated. When
    he said the French was
    slipping a length behind
    I turned the radio off. Filthy
    buggers. Shouldn’t have
    that on the radio, kids might
    be listening.

    The head of the Somali
    Olympic squad has
    apologised to officials on
    behalf of their team, after
    realising shooting and
    sailing were two separate

  11. #2066
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    22nd October 2020 - 17:03
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    The BBC presenter said
    that BMX riders are
    incredibly fit.
    I agree.
    I've lost count of the
    number of times I shot
    my load watching Nicole
    Kidman in BMX Bandits.

    At the closing ceremony
    of the Olympics it's been
    suggested that Tom Daley
    dives into five different
    coloured rings.
    Somehow I can't see him
    having a problem with

    There has been a lot of
    speculation about whether
    Tom Daley is the bummer
    or the bummee. I think
    'hubby' just answered this
    when he said, "I had Tom
    daily and it made my hole

    New dating app for Indian
    Swipe and sniff.

    Caitlyn Jenner on NBC
    telling us she's loving the
    Olympics, specially the
    So it's cockless
    watching the coxless.

    The Japanese
    embarrassingly forgot the
    name of a GB athlete at
    Tokyo 2020.
    Ujah Thinkheis?

    You know the Olympics is
    being held in Japan when
    the top three athletes are
    handed rising sunflowers
    at the medal ceremony
    and the digital Tokyo
    Philharmonic Orchestra
    plays all other countries
    national anthems

    Just ate some peppered
    mackerel. My fingers
    smell like Paula
    Ratcliffe's knickers after a

    Carrie Johnson reveals
    she is expecting a
    'rainbow' child with PM
    sounds like Boris is
    already trying to get the
    LGBTQ + vote at the next

    Katie Price is apparently
    having another facelift!
    Bit of a risk.... The one
    underneath might be
    uglier than the fucker
    she's already got!

    The worry for female
    athletes used to be : "will
    I be on my period during
    Now it's will my balls
    pop out of these skimpy
    shorts "

    How does Prince Andrew
    get into parties?
    He says the Royal Mail
    has a small package for
    the birthday girl.

    Football is the biggest
    load of shit I've ever seen.
    If I wanted to spend hours
    watching a load of black
    people passing a bit of
    leather to each other I'd
    visit a Nigerian prison

    Ironic isn't it! All those
    number ones Elvis had in
    his life... and he ended up
    dying on a number two!!

  12. #2067
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    22nd October 2020 - 17:03
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    They showed Tom Daley
    at the Olympics.
    There is a real knitting

    Over in Tokyo, it’s the
    men's gymnastics Rings
    No surprise to see Tom
    Daley sniffing around.

    Now there's even more
    opportunity for every little
    girl who ever dreamed
    of winning a gold medal.
    They'll just have to grow
    some balls.

    Transgender weightlifter
    Laurel Hubbard is out of
    the Olympics.
    She failed to produce a
    valid snatch.

    Seen the first trans gender
    athlete at the Olympics
    today win a gold medal.
    Just shows that men are
    better at everything, even
    women's sport.

    Just seen that kiwi
    transgender weightlifter
    Laurel Hubbard on the
    Don't know about Laurel
    the fat fucker looks more
    like Hardy to me.

    US shot putter Raven
    Suanders has been
    accused of breaking
    Olympic rules by making
    a political gesture on
    the podium, lifting her
    arms above her head and
    forming an X with her
    Asked what that meant
    she told reporters : "It's the
    intersection of where all
    people who are oppressed
    meet. She added " Let
    them try and take this
    IOC: "We'll take that thank

    Three Jamaicans have
    just taken Gold, Silver
    and Bronze medals at the
    Olympics. The winners of
    medals have reported
    it to the police.

    BBC NEWS : Professional
    footballers more likely to
    suffer from dementia
    Which is handy if you need
    to forget about missing a
    penalty kick.

    Carrie Symonds says she
    is having a Rainbow Child!
    Why the hell not! We've
    got every fucking colour
    under the sun here these
    days anyway.

    'Rolf Harris merchandise
    still being sold on Amazon
    7 years after he was jailed
    for abusing young girls'
    I wonder if it says "Can
    you tell me what it is yet?"
    before you open the

    Just listening to Bruce
    Springsteen's song 'Glory
    days' and I can't help but
    think that he was singing
    about the good old times
    when we were allowed to hate

    Steve McQueen’s 'Bullitt'
    1968 Mustang GT sold for
    $3,400,000 at an American
    auction house.
    They don't Mecum like
    they used to.

  13. #2068
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    22nd October 2020 - 17:03
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    All this olympics
    transgender shite can
    be solved in one quick
    'Would I fuck it?'
    If the answer is no, you’re
    still too much of a bloke!

    That transgender
    weightlifter will never rest
    on her laurels.
    Just her arse and bollocks.

    BBC News : "Transgenger
    athlete Laurel Hubbard out
    of the Olympics."
    Such a shame. She
    worked her bollocks off to
    get there.

    Just watched three very fit
    UK athletes racing in the
    women's 800m race on
    TV. It was close, and my
    attention was repeatedly
    tested, but did anybody
    else have a personal best
    for getting off in under 2

    "Footballs must be sold
    with cigarette-style
    warnings over players"
    dementia risk, study says.
    If you're trying to smoke
    a football, it's probably
    too late for the dementia

    Iceberg wall collapse
    causes injuries at Titanic
    You couldn't make this up.

    What's a purl necklace?
    Tom Daley's boyfriend's
    looming massive let down.

    A terrorist had just
    managed to detonate
    a bomb right inside the
    home of Elton John.
    Reports say after
    the incident he's still

    Evidence proves the virus
    that caused the Covid-19
    pandemic leaked from a
    Chinese research facility
    said a report by the USA.
    Now America plans to
    make a documentary
    about the origins
    of Covid-19 called
    unmasking the truth...

    Harry's many lavish gifts
    to Meghan on her 40th
    birthday include some
    of Diana's jewels that
    "caused a royal row".
    ... Since when was Harry
    in possession of Dodi
    Fayed's balls?

  14. #2069
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    22nd October 2020 - 17:03
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    That transgender
    weightlifter will never rest
    on her laurels.
    Just her arse and bollocks.

    BBC News : 'Transgenger
    athlete Laurel Hubbard out
    of the Olympics.'
    Such a shame. She
    worked her bollocks off to
    get there.

  15. #2070
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    22nd October 2020 - 17:03
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    The International Olympic
    committee made the
    decision to add new
    sports to the 2021 Tokyo
    Olympics. It approved the
    addition of five sports -
    baseball, softball, karate,
    stakebroading, sport
    climbing, and surfing.
    The Olympic Committee
    has agreed on three new
    sports for Paris, Musical
    chairs, and Snap...

    The Paris Olympic
    committee has
    announced that the 100m
    dash will be replaced by
    the 100 mile flee.

    "This dressage stuff is
    ridiculous. Some posh tart
    taking all the credit for an
    animal's hard work. You
    should have put that gold
    medal round the horse's
    "To be honest I thought I

    According to BBC Sport,
    Holly Bradshaw had one
    of the best jumps of her
    life today.
    Quite a memorable day for
    the young lady, who also
    won a bronze medal in the
    pole vault.

    After earning yet another
    medal this Olympics,
    the US Women's football
    team have reportedly set
    their sights on something
    they haven't been able to
    accomplish yet.
    Beating a team of 14 year old

    Brittany Spears has
    been posting pictures of
    her baps on her public
    accounts and there isn't
    even a paywall.
    I am starting to support
    her cause #freetitty.

    Why is everyone
    bothered about a man
    competing in women's
    weightlifting? I thought
    women were designed for
    lifting iron.

    I heard that Prince Andrew
    has started learning Thai.
    He must be planning to
    visit a brothel.

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