What's your sickest joke?

[Piper]

Breaking News :

Prince Harry critical of
early relationship with
Father.
Yes, because he wanted
a girl not a big girl's
blouse you balding ginger
whinging snowflake
tosspot.


Prince Harry has
compared growing up in
the Royal Family to living
in a zoo, which ironically
is where he met his wife.


Only Princess Harry
could go and make such
a specific statement like
that he never rode on the
back of his dads bike,
appealing for symphony
from the everyman, 25
minutes before they
release a picture of him
on the back of his dads
bike being chauffeured
around the family estate.
If he starts sobbing about
how he never got to shag
Emma Watson im going to
find him and I am going to
slap him.


David lcke has thrown
me out of the guild of
Conspiracy Theorists after
just 18 months.
They don't like it when
they come true, apparently.


Police have apologised for
mistakenly arresting a fan
after The Wolves v Man Utd
game for chanting monkey
noises at Rio Ferdinand
who was in the stands
commentating on the
match.
Turns out it was just
Marcus Rashford shouting
up to see if Rio fancied
joining him for a drink
afterwards.


I got asked what was the
most politically correct
thing I'd ever heard,
"Easy," I replied, "all
politicians are cunts."


How many Indians does
it take to change a light
blub?
2 million. 1 to change
the blub and 1,999,999 to
overrun the country dilute
it's heritage, traditions and
society, swamp the NHS
and the universities, and
fuck any chances of the
prosperous that life your
forefathers built for your
children.

[Piper]

Spider-Man, for those of
you who haven’t seen
it, here is a brief plot
summary.

A teenage boy gets bitten
by a spider.
When he awakens next
day he realises his body
has undergone several
changes.
His body strength has
increased significantly,
particularly his arms
which allow his to grip
any surface.
Also, he can now shoot
white smelly sticky stuff
out of his body.


Can't wait till this
Pandemic's over. First
thing I'm going to do is
visit my local cinema...
They're showing the Mask.

[Piper]

Just to let you know I had the Russian
Covid-19 vaccination yesterday and I can
honestly tell you there are absolutely no
negative sideffski efectovski secundariosvki
kto Mo 'lke-3To npouNTaTb O60 ' Tka Ho
BnaANMNpa #nyTNHa!


"Prince Philip 'leaves three
key staff money in his
£30m will'..."
I can understand him
leaving money to his
footmen, but can't
understand what he
left that chambermaid
£50,000 and a lifetime
subscription to PornHub.


BBC News "County lines :
1,100 people arrested in
UK crackdown.
The head of the police
operation said his
previous experience on
the Dukes of Hazzard was
a great help.


The BBC has. commissioned a new
reality TV series based
around a group of moped
riding barely employed
Pakis living in Manchester.
It's called "keeping up
with the DoorDash-ians"


"India YouTuber arrested
for 'flying' dog with helium
balloons".
His flying dog trick
is nowhere near as
spectacular as his hot dog
trick.


After Pochettino failed to
win the league title with
PSG in France, Tottenham
Hotspur want him to
return to England and fail
to win the league title with
them.


What's the difference
between Man united and
driving a car?
You're still in the game in
a car after 11 penalties.


Why did they make
Courteney Cox?
Because Lisa Kudrow.


BREAKING NEWS :
Duke and Duchess of
Cambridge stopped for
fish and chips in Scotland.
The last time William
was in Scotland he wore
Tartan.
The last time Harry stayed
in Scotland he ordered a
Tartan room.
And got both.

[Piper]

At 72,how does Francis
Rossi manage to maintain
the status quo


Sir David Attenborough
announces his latest
endangered species
documentary and cause.
It is called "saving the Last
White British Humans."


"Chelsy Davy confessed
relationship with Prince
Harry was 'scary and
uncomfortable"
He wanted her to dress
as a minstrel wear black
face, and call him Massr
when they had sex.

[Piper]

20 years ago "Doing a
Giggsy" meant dropping
your shoulder and leaving
the full back for dead.
Fast forward to now and
it means dropping the
nut on the skank you are
shagging because she's
on the rag and doesn't
fancy a threesome.


I got into a row with
a Maori earlier when
he saw my tattoo and
accused me of cultural
appropriation.
Did I mention he was
speaking English.


Ironically, I only hire
whites and Asians on my
farm.
I dare not put a scythe in
the hands of a black man.


Well done Manchester City
and Manchester United
on maintaining social
distancing from European
trophies.


"Prince Harry suffers huge
US backlash - 'If you don't
like it here, head back to
Britain."
Fuck off we've just got rid
of him!



Why pay advertising fees
for 2 gaylords to advertise
Magnums using the
medium of dance?
Just name it, Fagnum.
There, it wasn't difficult.

[Piper]

A pilot almost crashed
claiming a passenger
tried to grab hold of his
controls.
There's nothing wrong in
having a feel around in
another mans cockpit.
Ooooooh


From what I've read in
various publications it
would seem that Marianne
Faithful wasn't..

"Three child policy won’t
solve China’s birth rate
crisis, say experts."
They're not trying to.
solve it, they're trying to
outbreed India.

[R650R]

[Piper]

There's a guy at my work
who's got one leg shorter
than the other, we call him
the snipers nightmare.


Breaking news : Scientists
have discovered that
bears shit in the woods.
In other news : Letting in
3,000 people a week in
the build up to eventually
banning flights from India,
is responsible for the
growth of the India variant
in UK.


I had a Gucci tattooed on
my ball sack.
Just in case the missus
starts mithering for a
designer bag again.


Ministry of Defence's new
diversity chief takes aim
at armed forces "Sexist"
ranks including rifleman,
airshipman, and airman
She must be a petty officer.


BREAKING NEWS : Heinz
spends £140m as ketchup
production returns to UK
after 20 years.
Heinz, fed up with having
It's ketchup bottles
squeezed by the EU, is
moving to the UK where
They get their bottoms
smacked.


WHO renames the Indian
variant 'Covid Delta'
as all mutant strains
are rebranded to avoid
'geographic stigma'.
Now everyone hates
Greece.


Fed up? Bored? Need a
fresh challenge?
Well forget scuba diving,
abseiling or learning to
play an instrument. Try
mastering wiping your
arse with your other hand.


I was asked earlier today
what was the best piece
of advice I was given.
Apparently never go down
on a nigger wasn't what
the interview panel was
expecting to hear.
Fuck em. Didn't want to
work for The BBC anyway.


June is, "Gay Pride,"
month.
I don't mind them being
gay but I don't want a
whole month of them
ramming it down my
throat!


It's gay pride month
prepare to be bumbarded
with the crap on TV and
social media...


Jonathan Ross, wanting
to know what seed Andy
Murray would be at this
year's Wimbledon, asked
how he ranks.
The official response
from the All England
Lawn Tennis and Croquet
Club is; "Like any other
miserable ginger Scottish
cunt, with his right hand."


What's the difference
between Jesse Lingard
and Mr T?
Well they're both black
and they ain't gettin on no
plane.


I'm being accused at work
of being an Enoch-Powell
type of racist reactionary
by the new Diversity-Initiative
people to the
degree I'm told I could
be imminently facing the
sack, so to make a show
of liking the "vibrant"
ethnic woke culture like
They want to see I've made
a point to start wearing a
hoodie!
I haven't had much luck
though and I'm still getting
a lot of criticism that
my hoodie is "white and
comes to a very high point
at the top."

[Piper]

"Sarah Ferguson Bombshell On Prince Harry!!"
Fuck me, did she shag him as well?


Prince Andrew drove through traveller site set
up outside the gates of Windsor castle.
With Ghislaine Maxwell inside, he has to find
his own.


That Indian variant is
spreading quicker than
Katie Price's legs.


England v Austria and the
pitch looks well watered.
It was a good decision to
interview Harry Kane on it.


It was Quenten’s birthday
last week so I invited him
to come on a bender.


Right now, I would say
that Covid is more popular
than any Muslim.


Why do Muslims always
win races?
Because they fast.


Just got an email from
Ticketmaster :
Guns 'n' Roses are playing
at Tottenham Hotspur
stadium
I hope they win.

[Piper]

Should the IPL cricket be
resumed?
The UAE have offered to
supply the venues.
China has offered to
supply the bats.
Decisions Decisions.


England Cricketers - when
on the field make sure you
turn your collar up and
wear as much sun block
as you would if you were
in the middle of fucking
Calcutta. It makes you
look really cool.


Prince Andrew drove
through the Traveller
camp outside Windsor
Castle. We all need
someone to feel superior
to.
Thought the Travellers


BREAKING NEWS :
Virgin Radio launches a
dedicated station for the
LGBT community
The playlist will consist
of Chaka Khan 'I'm Every
Woman'.... ON a loop.


Virgin Radio have
announced their new
dedicated LGBT radio
channel.
The station where they rip
the knob off for you.


New British Tank unable
to reverse over objects
over 8 inches and unable
to be driven safely over 20
mph.
Solution found as now
British Army buying new
French tanks ( that can
overcome any obstacle
when reversing and can
also travel at 50 mph in
reverse ) and putting turret
on back to front.


As I sat there scratching
my ass, and spying on
my neighbour washing he
beaver, one thing crossed
my mind.
We have really weird pets
in my neighbourhood.


I saw something
extremely rare in London
today.
A black man using a knife
to cut food on his plate.

[Piper]

Having been replaced as
8th in line to the throne by
Harry's new baby, Prince
Andrew has said that he
doesn't really mind being
right behind a little girl.


Meghan and Harry have
named their daughter
Lilibet.
I'll wager their next son
will be called Fred.


So another royal baby is
born.
As a celebration I must
bake some chocolate
chimp cookies.


So the new royal niglet is
called Lilibet, in honour of
Meghan's great, great, great
grandmother and wife of
Kunte Kinte.


Meghan and Harry have
named their daughter
Lilibet.
Sounds more like
Ladbroke's odds on how
white the kid was gonna
be.


Lilibet was born at
11:40am local time 19 :40
BST, weighed 7 lbs 11 oz
and is now "settling in at
home."
She is the Queen's 11th
great-grandchild and is
eighth in line to the throne.
Nevermind all that... Just
tell us the shade.


After announcing the birth
of their daughter, Harry
and Meghan revealed
she came into the world
saying Piers Morgan is a
cunt.


"Harry and Megan
announce birth of baby
daughter - with name to
honour Queen and Diana"
Something tells me 'Er
Indoors won't be too
happy with Elizabeth
Beyonce Shaniqua Diana
Windsor.


Harry and Meghan' s new
born daughter really is the
full set.
She is a ginger, posh, baby,
definitely scary, but at
the moment probably not
sporty.


Harry and Meghan take
parental leave from their
jobs after revealing the
birth of daughter Lilibet
Diana.
They were very lucky to
get their leave approved
from that 'Doing Fuck All
Pty Ltd' outfit.


The new royal baby has
been named Jamie Hewitt
Mountbatten-Windsor in
honour of her grandfather


If Harry and Meghan got the
name of Lilliput, from
reading Jonathan Swift's
book
Gulliver's Travels. Then
thank goodness they did not
read Herman Melville's
Moby Dick!


BREAKING NEWS : Proud
father Prince Harry
registered new domain for
Lilibet Diana royal baby
name
GO DADDY.


I was in this whorehouse
and before the lovemaking
began I changed into a
giant novelty tampon
costume.
"What the fuck are you
supposed to be?". she asked.
"Prince Charles."


Donald Trump speech
in N. Carolina, "2020
election was Crime of the
Century."
I thought that was
Super Trump.


In America, far-right
religtard Fox News -
watching mugs are
proclaiming that August
will see 'the Second
coming of President
Trump.'
If there's any justice in this
world, he'll be receiving a
'second coming' from his
cellmate by then.


Just seen an advert
for BT's Hope United
campaign against hate
in football featuring
Henderson Rashford and
Bale.
I'm afraid I just can't
get on board with this,
because the only time
I use the words Hope
and United in the same
sentence is in conjuction
with the words I, fucking
and Lose.


Tom Cruise has to self
isolate after 14 people
tested positive for covid.
Tom is reportedly furious
and the set director said
"Fuck off Tom you cunt"


The Russian army orders
100k rubbers from a US
company, specifying 12"
fit needed.
The US firm fills the order
with packaging marked
"MEDIUM."


There's a new version
of Liam Neeson film
where his daughter is
abducted, this time with a
black actor.
Token.


Indiana Jones 5 starring
Harrison Ford 78,is
set to finally begin after
long delays installing
wheelchair access.

[Piper]

In North Korea if you are
found watching TV shows
deemed unsuitable it is
now punishable by public
execution.
I thought this was harsh
until my wife said, "Ooh!
The Masked Singer is on
later!"


The BBC is fucking shit,
they couldn't pay me to
watch the shite they churn
out under the guise of
'Entertainment ".
Unless of course they do
' The Masked Pornstars '


" Take it off!
"Take it off!
" Take it off!
They all shouted.
"If you don't mind I'm
trying to rob this bank,
Shut the fuck up!"


"Websites begin to
work again after major
breakage."
Luckily horseporn.com
was not affected so my
morning has been pretty
standard.


Aardman Animations
announced a remake
of their classic
'The Wrong Trousers, with
a guest appearance by
Donald Trump.


There's a new variant of
Covid in the USA they are
calling the' Trump ' variant.
It only affects people
wearing adult diapers.


Andy Murray's missus is
divorcing him because
every time he's about to
enter he pulls out...


What has Radiohead and
BLM got in common?
A lot of crying and
moaning with no real
purpose or meaning.

[Piper]

News Hollywood is
developing a Black
superman movie.

I can see the jokes
now.

* He's the Man of Steal.

* He really was
abandoned by his parents
as a baby.

* His krytonite is an
honest day's work.

* He uses X-ray vision to
evaluate cash points.

* He is able to leap tall
buildings while evading
the police.

* He's faster than a
speeding bullet in chatting
up fat blonde slags.

* He can stop a
locomotive while robbing
all the passengers.

* He uses a phone box
because his mobile was
cancelled.

* He sold his parent's farm
to pay his gambling debts.

* His gang is called Crips
Tonight.

* He can only see his kids
with supervision.

* His birthplace has been
changed to Cape Town.

* He got sacked from
the Daily Planet for poor
grammar.

* He's Jimmy Olsen's only
Black friend.

* He refers to Lois Lane as
his prison bitch.

* All the White
superheroes know they
can't measure up.



Lilibet...
Because "paddy power"
was deemed a bit too Irish
and bet365 was taken.


Harry wages war with The
BBC. A bit insensitive of
him. She probably just
has a bit of post natal
depression.


The Queen is allegedly
outraged at the Duke
and Duchess of Sussex’s
decision to name their
new baby after her
childhood nickname,
Scheming witch.


All this fuss about
whether or not the Queen
gave permission for
'Lilibet'!
For fuck sakes, they were going
to call her a nigger name
before Oprah turned them
down.


Lil lbet. The new west
coast Rapper.


The football Association
has appointed a new
woman boss, Debbie
Hewitt........
Expect rule changes for
the goal minder.


The England and Wales
Cricket Board has vowed
to take "relevant and
appropriate action" after
questions were raised
publicly about historical
tweets from several
England players.
They must be employing
Facebook moderators.


"Ooh don't be so silly, my
wife giggled," I don't know
anything about football. "
" That's OK, " the BT Sport
produces said, " You'll fit
right in with the rest of our
female pundits.


"The England Cricket
Team have gone too far in
suspending Ollie Robinson
and accusing him of
making racist tweets.
We are a multiculturally
sensitive family who
pride ourselves on social
awareness"
Said his brother, Tommy.

[Piper]

Piracy is killing the music
industry.
You try playing the guitar
with a hook...


Gay Pride Month. A whole
month where gays can
be proud of something
they had no control over
because they've got fuck
all else going for them.


I don't know why the
gays get a whole month,
I thought they were the
masters of packing a lot
into a very small space.


Barbie is being made into
a film by the BBC.
Dianne Abbott has been
offered the lead role.


News: Washington state
offers free joints to people
who get the jab.
So far, I've been
vaccinated 7 times.


So, there is new
strain of Marijuana called
Grassy Knoll...
It is sure to blow your
mind.


When it comes to
women's cricket how
many ovaries are there?


Do women cricketers
enjoy a full toss in the
crease and the umpires
finger going up?


Gary Glitter is being
allowed to help out at a
nursery to integrate him
into society and live a
healthier lifestyle.... He'll
be getting five of his one
a day.


I see a crocodile and
president Macron have
both been smacked in the
face on the same day.
I can understand why
someone would want to
hit a horrible dangerous
reptile but why would
anyone try and hurt a
crocodile?


Man slaps french
president Macron then
screams "s'il te plait ne
me blesse pas" ( that
means 'please dont hurt
me ) it's the French war cry.


French president Macron
has been slapped in the
face y a man shouting
"Montjoie Saint Denis!",
the battle cry of the
French army.
This is astonishing news.
The French army have a
battle cry?


Some people say football
is their religion.
Because it's still a really
good way to exclude
women and homosexuals.


I heard something
unbelievable today that
the biggest cause of
death during Covid
lockdowns has been
"Dementia and isolation,"
especially amongst the
elderly.
It seems to me like it
should have been "covid."


A farmer in Wales has
trained his sheep to sing
the songs of a famous
Irish band. He now plans
to take them on tour.
Ewe 2 will be performing
in Cardiff next month.


Boris got back to number
10 after a week of lying
and cheating only to find
Cliff Richard waiting for
him,
"What the fuck are you
doing here? Where's my
missus?" Said Boris
"She fucked off," Said
Cliff, "Carrie doesn't live
here anymore."

[Piper]

I can’t believe a bunch
of idiots were letting
fireworks off last night six
months early!
My poor dog was going
nuts and knocked my
Christmas tree over.


Under a new diversity
reorganisation Ikea have
now opened the doors
for people with reduced
mental capacities to work
there.
So it won't only be the
product with a few
screws missing then.


LA TIMES : Women in
South Korea are mocking
men's penises in resurgent
Feminist movement.
Very progressive. It won't
be long before they catch
up with western feminists
and start hating women.