In an attempt to show that
Bond films don't promote
inappropriate sex and
violence, a draft of the
next film in the franchise
has been leaked.
No Thyme To Diet stars
Joyce Bond, she's a
single parent of a mixed
race disabled child, she's
vegan and seriously
thinking of coming out as
transgender. This dusky
skinned heroine wears
only organic clothing,
No fast cars for her, she
pursues villains on her
e-scooter, recharging it
overnight using a wind
powered generator ( it took
Her a while to realise solar
cells don't work in the
dark ).
When she catches the
villains she uses her
powers of persuasion
( and shrill heckling
voice ) to force them to
surrender. No violence, no
sex, just the occasional
flat latte or full strength
Capstan ( her only vice ).
The film will be released
next August 2022,it lasts
Just over four hours and
is suitable for family
viewing.
Hang on a minute, what's
that disturbing noise.... Oh,
it's Sean Connery, Roger
Moore and David Niven
spinning in their graves.
Misogynists always claim
that men are better than
women at sports.
But if that’s the case, how
come Laurel Hubbard
only started winning
gold medals after she
transitioned?
How do you tell the
difference between a
dwarf and a midget?
Dwarves do pantomime
Midgets do porn.
Prince Harry set to
name Royal as racist in
bombshell new book.
That will be a fillip for the
family.
There England players
who played at Euro
2020 are refusing to be
vaccinated, and won’t
be allowed to play in the
World Cup in Qatar.
I fucking hope it’s
Rashford, Sancho and
Saka.
According to a new book,
Donald Trump turned
down a challenge to
go vegan for a month
'because he feared losing
even a single brain cell.'
Fair enough. That would
prove fatal for him.
Is the birds football
kicking off on Sky Sports
this early just so that
They can get home to do
the ironing and make the
dinner?
Due to the fuel shortage,
Chris Rea has just
started walking home for
Christmas.
My wife had a right go at
me for letting fireworks
off when it's not even
Halloween yet.
If she keeps on, I'm
going to take down
the. Christmas tree.
I hate being dyslexic.
My heart stopped as I
thought the latest fire in
Honduras was burning
Ganja.
Still angry about their
stich up over the
submarine deal with
Australia, France decided
to strike a new deal in
Europe.
Talks are going on with
the Greek Government
over a controversial army
training package.
At a special press
conference today, French
Defence Minister, Florence
Parly was pressed for
details and she proudly
announced that deal had
just been agreed and
that France was looking
forward to training 300
Spartans in the noble art
of surrender.
Tom Dale's new
autobiography is called
"Coming up For Air.
Nothing in it about the
Olympics...
What's 25m long, screams
and has no pubic hair?
The front row of a Harry
Styles concert.
Ryan Giggs is thought to
be favourite to get the
Managers job if Olly's
results don't improve.
The united board said they
want someone who is
ruthless and has had a lot
of experience of beating a
weaker opponent.
These new covid variants
are spreading faster than
My Netflix password.
Apparently It's breast
awareness month, now I
would imagine if there's
one thing men are aware
of its breasts.
I wonder which tit thought
this up? Probably a
splitarse.
Just before the Fake Virus
I won a private screening
of the new "Bond" - No
Time to Die.
He goes to Africa to half-heartedly
fight SPECTRE and Blofeld, all the time
getting cucked and humiliated by the
new feminist black woman
they've parasitically
attached to him, and
also there's that black
Moneypenny for some
fucking reason as well.
"It's hopeless," I said
audibly as heads turned,
"the real enemy he should
be fighting has already
taken over from the
inside."
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