If there are more than two genders, why are there only two options for a sex change?
A practical joke for a change - Folks. Amazon Alexa devices don't have any kind of security when it comes to setting things like alarms and reminders, so if you ever find yourself alone with one, try saying something like "Alexa......... Set a reminder for 8pm on [Some random date in the following month] that it's my turn to bring anal lube for the next pedo dungeon club meeting".
You can also add things to the owners Amazon shopping list by just saying something like "Alexa.......... Add a 10" inflatable butt plug, latex catsuit, and nipple clamps to my shopping list".
Once you realise the sort of crap you can do with an unsupervised Alexa, the possibilities are endless.
Saw a rare bird today.
A woman changing her own flat tyre
Did you hear about the bouncy castle that ended up beyond repair after being exposed to those Asian grooming gangs?
It was badly let down by the authorities
People think The Rolling Stones were wild crazy rockstars because one time they threw a TV out of a window.
Well I think Eric Clapton one-upped them.
Trump wins and tells Joe 'you're fired,'
Then sets about getting everyone hired,
Puts an end to the war in twenty four,
Zelensky's mad, but its not all bad.
The missiles aren't flying,,so we're not dying.
Bc Putin doesn't start the third world war,
And you and I can exist some more.
A black man shopping for paint with his four-year-old son says he was racially profiled and refused service at Hobbycraft after staff said he may use the paint for 'doing graffiti'.
He told reporters, 'That's some bullshit right there, we was just gonna huff the motherfucker.'
Back when I was a kid, if you played up in class, they'd diagnose you as having "Attention Deficit Disorder", and zonk you out with Ritalin. It seems barbaric that we'd do that to kids........
So thank god we now live in more enlightened times, where if a boy plays up in class, they just convince him that he's a girl, then chop "HER" bollocks off !!!
What have the Ukraine war & Prince Andrew got in common?
They're both entering a third year
I was approached in the street and asked, "Excuse me, as a non-binary being, I'm representing The All-Gender Gathering. Would you like to take our survey or sign our petition for recognition and equality?"
I replied, "I cant. I only help men or women."
The wife was stopped on her bike by a copper.
He asked, "Where's your helmet?"
She replied, "He's at home picking his arse."
I bought the wife a new Suzuki jeep.
So delighted, she's telling everyone loudly from its roof.
Or, shouting from the Jimney top.
Fuck paying up front for cremations.
Tell them you want click and collect.
Why do politicians lie?
Because when they tell the truth they get sacked and called racist by self-loathing arseholes on Twitter
i've got a bit in common with the lunar lander.
Still functioning after falling on my side leaving the pub.
I remember years ago reading about how some monkeys were actually intelligent enough to use tools to get food. I've found it astounding to see how quickly they've evolved in their tool using abilities.
Since back then, they've also learnt to use knives to get money/jewellery, and pens to get benefit payments !
How'd you lose a black man in a car park?
Leave your car unlocked.
We were watching a film on the telly when all of a sudden the bloke lifts the woman onto the kitchen top and starts to make love to her,
"Yeah, right, " said the wife, " as if that happens. "
"I totally agree, " I replied, "the only thing that gets fucked in our kitchen is the food. "
When pulling the stalk from an apple, does anyone else imagine they're about to throw a hand grenade at the Muslim in work?
I don't know what's more shocking. The fact a big WW2 bomb lay undiscovered in a Plymouth garden for over 70 years or the fact the thousands of evacuated residents returned home to find migrants hadn't been moved in.
In a restaurant, I ordered a bottle of water, a glass of wine and two steaks.
"Still water?" The waiter asked me.
"Yes," I replied, "I've not changed my mind."
What do Will & Jada Smith have in common?
They both slap other men's cheeks.
I adore snorting cocaine off the cheeks of my girlfriends beautiful arse.
That's the bottom line.
I was first introduced to a Japanese prostitute when she gave me a full body oily massage.
Ever since then, I've been on a slippery slope
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