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Thread: How to tell if your've been abducted by Aliens

  1. #1
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    How to tell if your've been abducted by Aliens

    •You're drunk a lot -- Aliens take advantage of boozers because they're used to forgetting huge blocks of time and some really embarrassing stuff. ETs appreciate drunks because they don't have to waste their memory- wiper ammunition, which is expensive. They pick up a lot of people stumbling out of bars.

    •You are mentally ill -- No one believes a psycho when he says he was in a space ship. Extraterrestrials take advantage of that fact by lurking around insane asylums and psychiatrist offices.

    •You find a lot of puncture marks in your arms and you can't remember injecting yourself -- "These are from routine alien blood tests," said the expert.

    •During an X-ray, your doctor discovers you are missing an internal organ you know you were born with -- "A lot of times aliens take out spleens, a lung, a kidney, an appendix so they can examine them closely," Despite their advanced intellect, sometimes they simply forget to put them back.

    •You wake up and can't remember everyday things like your name, the year, your address, your spouse's name, etc. -- "The alien scientists have sliced out a vital part of your brain,"

    •You cut yourself and your blood is green -- "This is when they've accidentally sucked out too much of your blood and had to give you a blood transfusion from their own blood bank," explained the expert.

    •You suddenly find yourself in a foreign country thousands of miles from where you live -- "Aliens have a very bad sense of direction and can't read maps worth a damn," "They'll circle around the globe a lot, then get disgusted and just give their human abductees the boot when it's dinnertime -- alien wives are not very understanding."

    •You look in the mirror and see that your nose is suddenly smaller -- "Many extraterrestrials are interested in plastic surgery techniques and will try them out on their captives,"

    •You develop an irrational fear of going to the doctor when it's never bothered you before -- "Your subconscious is telling you you've been poked, prodded, injected and probed enough,"

    •You suddenly discover you are missing a limb -- "You know you started out the day with two arms and two legs, and yet, when it's time to go to bed, one is missing," . "This is an indication they have kept one of your limbs for dissection purposes."
    You can't fight sleep.. if you feel tired, stop and rest!

  2. #2
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    haha know what ya mean... aliens or ants!
    You can't fight sleep.. if you feel tired, stop and rest!

  3. #3
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    Quote Originally Posted by DemonWolf
    •You suddenly find yourself in a foreign country thousands of miles from where you live -- "Aliens have a very bad sense of direction and can't read maps worth a damn,"


    "They'll circle around the globe a lot, then get disgusted and just give their human abductees the boot when it's dinnertime -- alien wives are not very understanding." "
    Hmmm, a bit confused on this one. This sort of means that the aliens doing the abducting are female ('cause thay can't read maps - right), and they have to get back for dinnertime 'cause the "wives are not very understanding"...

    Does this then mean that ALIENS ARE LESBIANS???

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    Quote Originally Posted by Swoop
    Hmmm, a bit confused on this one. This sort of means that the aliens doing the abducting are female ('cause thay can't read maps - right), and they have to get back for dinnertime 'cause the "wives are not very understanding"...

    Does this then mean that ALIENS ARE LESBIANS???

    Hubba Hubba!
    No, you've got it all wrong, it's men that can't read maps, not us females.


    gees, men! They even forget simple things like which gender can or can't read a map...
    Cat's could say... Psychokiller

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    Quote Originally Posted by strayjuliet
    No, you've got it all wrong, it's men that can't read maps, not us females.


    gees, men! They even forget simple things like which gender can or can't read a map...
    Never had a problem reading a map. I can read it, my brother can read it, my dad can read it. My sister and my mom however.....

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    Quote Originally Posted by Waylander
    Never had a problem reading a map. I can read it, my brother can read it, my dad can read it. My sister and my mom however.....
    That's because your American and they have to be different... but I won't hold it against you. lol
    Cat's could say... Psychokiller

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    The saying is that women can't fold maps...
    Motorbike Camping for the win!

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    hahaa... classic
    You can't fight sleep.. if you feel tired, stop and rest!

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    Arrow Good one DW.

    Sure explains a thing or two...
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    Quote Originally Posted by Wolf
    The saying is that women can't fold maps...
    Luckily they come in books. No need to fold them.

    Sever
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    you're just another lost soul about to be mine again
    see her, you'll never free her
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  11. #11
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    Quote Originally Posted by Waylander
    Luckily they come in books. No need to fold them.
    Those are for pansies! Real maps are large sheets of paper folded in such a way you have to be a master of origami to replicate it once unfolded.
    Motorbike Camping for the win!

  12. #12
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    Book is easier to read through a tank bag while riding. As for folding maps, that must be the reason I got so much oragami practice at work...

    Sever
    Now and forever
    you're just another lost soul about to be mine again
    see her, you'll never free her
    you must surrender it all
    And give life to me again
    Disturbed - Inside the Fire


  13. #13
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    Maps in tank bags? I just ride around taking likely-looking streets trusting that the Law Of Averages will eventually deposit me on one that has the same name as the street I'm looking for...

    Ever noticed how pretty much every town in New Zealand has a "Victoria Street"? I mean, even the ones with only two streets, one of 'em's called "Victoria"! Gets kind of embarrassing when you realise that the Victoria Street you wanted was in an entirely different town.
    Motorbike Camping for the win!

  14. #14
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    Quote Originally Posted by Wolf
    Those are for pansies! Real maps are large sheets of paper folded in such a way you have to be a master of origami to replicate it once unfolded.
    True, how very true.
    Especially difficult when it is pissing down with rain....
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  15. #15
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    Quote Originally Posted by Swoop
    True, how very true.
    Especially difficult when it is pissing down with rain....
    Or blowing a gale.

    Most of my folding type maps I wouldn't put in a tank bag anyway, being of the variety that have lots of squiggly lines with numbers on them, and a magnetic variance from True North marked on them. Few of them showed roads you could negotiate on a motorcycle - even a decent trail bike. The tracks crossed rivers in places where you had to climb down boulders and pray you didn't get your pack wedged...
    Motorbike Camping for the win!

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