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Thread: Computers eh?

  1. #1
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    Computers eh?

    One day, Pete complained to his friend, "My elbow really hurts. I guess I should see a doctor." His friend said, "Don't do that. There's a computer at the drug store that can diagnose anything quicker and cheaper than a doctor. Simply put in a sample of your urine, and the computer will diagnose your problem and tell you what you can do about it. And it only costs £10.00.

    Pete figured he had nothing to lose, so he filled a jar with a urine sample and went to the drug store. Finding the computer, he poured in the sample and deposited the £10.00. The computer started making some noise and various lights started flashing. After a brief pause, out popped a small slip of paper which read: You have tennis elbow. Soak your arm in warm water, avoid heavy labor. It will be better in two weeks.......

    That evening while thinking how amazing this new technology was and how it would change medical science forever, he began to wonder if this computer could be fooled. He decided to give it a try. He mixed together some tap water, a stool sample from his dog, and urine samples from his wife and daughter. To top it off, he masturbated into the concoction. He went back to the drug store, located the computer, poured in the sample and deposited the £10.00. The machine again made the usual noises, flashed its lights, and printed out the following analysis: Your tap water is too hard. Get a water softener. Your dog has ringworm. Bathe him with anti-fungal shampoo. Your daughter is using cocaine. Put her in a rehabilitation clinic. Your wife is pregnant ....... twin girls. They aren't yours. Get a lawyer. And if you don't stop jerking off, your elbow will never get better.
    The real mystery is how come that fat bastard Hurley has never lost any weight.

  2. #2
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    lol.. computers... is there anything they can't do?

  3. #3
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    Hahaha, very good
    To every man upon this earth
    Death cometh sooner or late
    And how can a man die better
    Than facing fearful odds
    For the ashes of his fathers
    And the temples of his Gods

  4. #4
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    Quote Originally Posted by bugjuice
    lol.. computers... is there anything they can't do?
    blow jobs?

    nice joke though...
    Quote Originally Posted by Paul in NZ View Post
    Ha...Thats true but life is full horrible choices sometimes Merv. Then sometimes just plain stuff happens... and then some more stuff happens.....




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  5. #5
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  6. #6
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    girl freinds do the part where they choke
    Quote Originally Posted by Paul in NZ View Post
    Ha...Thats true but life is full horrible choices sometimes Merv. Then sometimes just plain stuff happens... and then some more stuff happens.....




    Alloy, stainless and Ti polishing.
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  7. #7
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    Quote Originally Posted by ducatilover
    blow jobs?

    nice joke though...

    Aparrantly there is. Its called "dildonics"


    Hopefully it isnt built by Microsoft. That thing would crash and before you know it, it's chopped off your dick and emailed it to 25,000 people worldwide.
    The real mystery is how come that fat bastard Hurley has never lost any weight.

  8. #8
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    Quote Originally Posted by unhingedlizard
    Aparrantly there is. Its called "dildonics"


    Hopefully it isnt built by Microsoft. That thing would crash and before you know it, it's chopped off your dick and emailed it to 25,000 people worldwide.
    Or you'll be on the cusp of orgasm shouting "More, More!" and it'll stop and ask "Are you sure?"
    Motorbike Camping for the win!

  9. #9
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    Quote Originally Posted by Wolf
    Or you'll be on the cusp of orgasm shouting "More, More!" and it'll stop and ask "Are you sure?"
    That explains alot about the colouration of your old computer...

    *shudder*
    .

  10. #10
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    Quote Originally Posted by Wolf
    Or you'll be on the cusp of orgasm shouting "More, More!" and it'll stop and ask "Are you sure?"
    I nominate this as a quote for 2006!
    To every man upon this earth
    Death cometh sooner or late
    And how can a man die better
    Than facing fearful odds
    For the ashes of his fathers
    And the temples of his Gods

  11. #11
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    Bwahaha the best yet.

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