Women's humour
I hope this hasn't been posted before - I did a search under women and humour and it came up with 13 pages of posts - including the one about "arse, fek, I've binned my bike!" so I gave up! Some I've heard before but there are a few good ones!
My boyfriend, not happy with my mood swings, bought me a mood ring the other day so he would be able to monitor my moods. When I'm in a good mood it turns green. When I'm in a bad mood it leaves a big f*cking red mark on his forehead. Maybe next time he'll buy me a diamond.
My husband came home with a tube of KY jelly and said, "This will make you happy tonight." He was right. When he went out of the bedroom, I squirted it all over the doorknobs. He couldn't get back in.
A couple are lying in bed. The man says, "I am going to make you the happiest woman in the world." The woman says, "I'll miss you."
Q: What do you call an intelligent, good looking, sensitive man?
A: A rumour.
He said - 'Since I first laid eyes on you, I've wanted to make love to you really badly.' She said - 'Well, you've succeeded.'
He said 'What have you been doing with all the grocery money that I gave you?' She said 'Turn sideways and look in the mirror you fat b*stard'.
Q: What's the difference between a boyfriend and a husband?
A: 45 minutes.
Q: What's the fastest way to a man's heart?
A: Through his chest with a sharp knife.
Q: Why do men want to marry virgins?
A: They can't stand criticism.
Q: Why is it so hard for women to find men that are sensitive, caring, and good looking?
A: Because those men already have boyfriends.
Q: What makes men chase women if they have no intention of marrying?
A: The same urge that makes dogs chase cars they have no intention of driving.
Q: What do you do if you see a man running around with half a head?
A: Reload and try again!
Yes, I am pedantic about spelling and grammar so get used to it!
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Originally Posted by Colapop
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