Outside looking in.

**Deviant Esq** · 22nd January 2006, 17:25

Warning - Do Not Read if not inclined to give a care (trying to keep swearing out of this post).

Being a newbie is something we've pretty well all experienced at some stage in our lives. Whether new to a school, new to a workplace, or new to a webforum such as Kiwi Biker, most of us know what it feels like to start at a new place and not know anyone, much less what to do.

Different types of people deal with this situation in different ways. So what? you say. But it's true. Whilst some people when they join are immediately "one of the boys", there are others who are always wondering if they're accepted, if someone thinks they're worth knowing. It's the "I'm on the outside looking in" feeling, not knowing whether or not they'd really even notice if you suddenly up and left. Would they just shrug and say "Meh."? Would they try to convince you to stay?

So, you say, what's this post got to do with anything?

Much as I know that to admit things like this in an open forum such as this is often somewhat detrimental without a flameproof suit, I'm talking about myself. Much as I hate it, I realised the other day I've always been "outside looking in", pretty well all my life.

It drives me crazy thinking like this - I'm not a stupid person and know full well you can't expect everyone to bow down to... wait a second... revealing my plan too early...

You can't expect everyone to think of you and invite you along to things when you're still reasonably new to something. But I still can't help feeling somewhat deflated, depressed even, when I seem to get that horrible feeling that it really wouldn't matter whether I were there or not, they'd not give too much of a damn if I suddenly departed. Low self esteem generally not helping, of course. And I'm not talking about work... I'm talking about Kiwi Biker.

Am I alone in thinking like this occasionally?

And it's not the people either. For the most part, people have been pretty good, pretty friendly. But I'm coming to the conclusion no-one really has a great deal of time for a newbie like myself. So I don't feel a great sense of comeradery... only a sense of.... I'm on the outside, I'm looking in.

Anyone got any useful advice?

Or, if you're in Christchurch and like a quiet beer... send me a PM.

Disclaimer: Oops! Didn't expect this to be as long as it's gone. Sorry!

**Scouse** · 22nd January 2006, 17:34

Your too sensitive just roll with the blow's once you get out riding and meeting some of the personalitys you'll be more comfortable and when they are posting or repling to your posts they will know who you are and perhaps show some respect / be suportive of your veiwpoint. in short just stick around.

**SpeedyGirl** · 22nd January 2006, 17:39

I am surprised D.... so if you want a beer, give me a yell

**SlowHand** · 22nd January 2006, 18:03

Dev luv, when you joined the site, did you tick the wrong box under 'sex'?

You should look back on your post a year from now, be agreeing with me then.

**Motu** · 22nd January 2006, 18:16

Yeah,I know where you are coming from,I've never fitted in my whole life,always on the outside watching the others.But then I thought,stuff it,that's what I do,so I've gone on happily not fitting in....When I first came to this site I certainly didn't fit in,no one rode dirt bikes and I have opposing views to what the mostly sportsbike riders here think - I don't care,I still don't fit in....but atleast they can't tell me to go home and lock me out....I can always come here and think what a bunch of fuckwits.

**Colapop** · 22nd January 2006, 18:32

I sort of thought about this stuff probably at about the same time post-wise. I'd started to contribute and get some feedback but no bike. How the hell was I supposed to get to know people without a bike? Biking is about bikes, bikers and bikers issues. Dev. E although this place can be a screen on the desk at times, just a blank space when it's not on, there have been enough things happen to me that have been associated with this site to tell me of the community that exists here.

I'd wager that if you posted a request for help to view a bike, ride pillion, stop in for a beer etc. then you'd have a ton of takers. I bought a bike last year that has since been sold and I asked for some help - a battery charger (thanks BungBung) and and help to re-route the throttle cable (thanks Nudemetalz-Chris) among other things, and the help that I have received has been outstanding. The knowledge base here, the community spirit and all the shit that ya get given for free (Thanks WINJA, Mikey, John...) make this place worthwhile. Your presence (sp) here Deviant Esq. adds to this experience. You are as much a part of this as anybody.

If you at any wonder whether your contribution here means anything check the tribute to Scott Carpenter, whom most of us had never met. The spirit that is portrayed in the loss of a fellow biker typifies this. And no you do not need to have passed away to be a part of the community here.
Col

**RiderInBlack** · 22nd January 2006, 18:36

Yep, agree with Motu. Have lived too much of my life feeling like I don't fit in, or not one of the "click"/"cool" groups person. Have learnt sometime ago now that I'm different, so what the fu*k. If the clicky people don't like that, then it's their problem, not mine. Who wants to be a sheep in a flock? Funny thing is, that now I am accepted for who I am more, and more accepted by groups because of that.

This site is fairly diverse. Be yourself (and not a sheep), roll with the shit throws, and you will find you fit in here just fine.

PS: you will be very surprised how many people you think are part of a "cool click" group don't actually think that they fit in ether.

**DingDong** · 22nd January 2006, 18:49

Fuq sake cheer up, kiwibiker is here the support motorcycle riding not the other way around... I dont fit in half the time... SO WAT!

live one life at a time and stop thinking about wat others think of you, not that they're thinking of ya anyway...

**merv** · 22nd January 2006, 18:49

So are you still bike-less? You need to hurry and get one and get out on the rides in your area. Failing that hook up with someone that will take you out pillion a few times if bikes are what you want to be into.

As for Motu's comments don't belive him, there are plenty of us ride dirt on this site. 3/4 of the bikes in our garage are dirt bikes of one sort or another. Make sure you come to the Capital Coast Motu and I'll meet you there.

Its probably more about personalities and not necessarily that you are a newbie - some people are extroverts, some are introverts and most are somewhere in between. Me, I'll happily talk to anyone.

Then there's people like LB, she will not only talk to anyone but she knows most people associated with biking in one way or another.

There's a lot to enjoy talking to people on here, just speak up and we will respond. That's how you come on inside - just knock on the door, walk on in and talk to us. No need to be on the outside looking in.

One of the problems in this modern society is lack of time. With work, family, house, travelling etc I don't have a lot of time to ride nor come on here so my post count grows rather slowly. Don't take offence to that, we are busy people and may not answer all of your posts let alone see them. Computers were meant to make our lives easy, but hell compared to the 70's they have put a lot of pressure on my life speeding things up so much.

Stick around and enjoy the fun.

**White trash** · 22nd January 2006, 19:31

Never really "not fitted" in anywhere so I'm not sure what the deal is. All it takes is a bit of effort and if that don't work, post up large untill you're part of the furniture.

Works for Sniper.

**merv** · 22nd January 2006, 19:34

You're a skinny prick WT so you'd fit anywhere there is a gap. You are definitely not one of the introverts I was talking about, but as you say he has just got to get on posting and he will be one of the "old" guys in no time.

**Waylander** · 22nd January 2006, 19:36

Meh, you'll start to fit in soon don't worry.

Know what you mean though and sort of in with Motu and RIB as I've never really fit in in large groups anyway. Have quite a few close mates on here now though so I'm not as 'outside' as you, but try being a cruiser rider who is planning on getting into sportbikes lol. Luckily for me I know atleast one other person who is thinking of doing the same.

**Motu** · 22nd January 2006, 20:09

I have found that people who hang out in groups are ''needy'',it's like they have something missing from their personalities that they constantly have to be around other people.The best thing I found with bikes when I first started to ride was that I was out there by myself,making my own decisions on what I did for the day....and it's what I still do now,36 yrs later...it's fun to ride with others,but sooooo much better by myself.Off road I like to be with others,and seldom do it by myself....and trials is best of all,riding my own ride,but being with other riders.

All my family are selfcontained,we just get on quietly with our lives - but one of my daughters is a ''people person'',she was around here last night for a birthday and the whole place just comes alive,the noisiest house in the street last night.Funny lot,us humans....

**Deviant Esq** · 22nd January 2006, 20:20

Thanks for the advice so far folks. Sorry about the mope, been a bit of a downer week for me. Bit rough when you get them, feels like I've rocked with one too many blows.

Originally Posted by merv

So are you still bike-less? You need to hurry and get one and get out on the rides in your area.

Its probably more about personalities and not necessarily that you are a newbie - some people are extroverts, some are introverts and most are somewhere in between. Me, I'll happily talk to anyone.

Stick around and enjoy the fun.

Currently working on the "no bike" problem. Got one lined up, it's pretty well sussed, just got to wait to see it yet. The chap who's selling it to me (another KBer) is making sure it's all fixed up for me, which is much appreciated. Only trouble is, I'm young and impatient, and the bike's in Wellington, or I'd probably have been over to see it a lot earlier.

But yeah, hopefully once I've got it I can get out and meet a few people. Knowing a bit more about bikes wouldn't hurt either, don't know a great deal at this stage, so can often be lost in those conversations.

I agree with you about personalities, sure does make a difference.