I've since been informed.....

**Fishy** · 3rd February 2006, 13:52

That Chuck Norris is the "new Hoff". Therefore, there are 22 facts about Chuck Norris attached that you may not have known:

1. Chuck Norris' tears cure cancer. Too bad he has never cried.
2. Chuck Norris does not sleep. He waits.
3. Chuck Norris is currently suing NBC, claiming Law and Order are trademarked names for his left and right legs.
4. The chief export of Chuck Norris is pain.
5. Chuck Norris defines love as the reluctance to murder. If you're still alive, it's because Chuck Norris loves you.
6. Chuck Norris isn't hung like a horse. Horses are hung like Chuck Norris.
7. If you can see Chuck Norris, he can see you. If you can't see Chuck Norris you may be only seconds away from death.
8. Rather than being birthed like a normal child, Chuck Norris instead decided to punch his way out of his mother's womb.
9. There are no disabled people. Only people who have met Chuck Norris.
10. Chuck Norris can win a game of Monopoly without owning any property.
11. There is no theory of evolution, just a list of creatures Chuck Norris allows to live.
12. In fine print on the last page of the Guinness Book of World Records it notes that all world records are held by Chuck Norris, and those listed in the book are simply the closest anyone has ever gotten.
13. Chuck Norris invented cancer because he was tired of killing people
14. In an average living room there are 1,242 objects Chuck Norris could use to kill you, including the room itself.
15. Chuck Norris is the only man to ever defeat a brick wall in a game of tennis.
16. Chuck Norris is the reason why Waldo is hiding.
17. When Chuck Norris goes to donate blood, he declines the syringe, and instead requests a hand gun and a bucket.
18. Chuck Norris has two speeds: walk and kill.
19.When Chuck Norris jumps into a body of water, he doesn't get wet. The water gets Chuck Norris instead.
20. Chuck Norris can divide by zero.
21. Chuck Norris can set ants on fire with a magnifying glass. At night.
22. When Chuck Norris runs with scissors, other people get hurt.

**cowpoos** · 3rd February 2006, 14:08

this is sooo old.... someone post the link to dovers thread... I can't be arsed...

and by the way do u hav to keep posting your email junk on here.... most of it has been seen before if not all of it

.... I need a beer

**Fishy** · 3rd February 2006, 14:40

You a bit grumpy this afternoon Mr Poo's, still at work waiting for 4:30 to roll around?

Ok I will stop posting my shity old joke emails, I normally try doing a search before I post most things but the search function never brings anything up.

Sorry Mr Poo's I do apologise for wasting your time.

**cowpoos** · 3rd February 2006, 19:29

apologie excepted.... and no I'm not fuckin grumpy all right.... I need a beer thats all....

**MidnightMike** · 3rd February 2006, 19:32

Originally Posted by Fishslayer

You a bit grumpy this afternoon Mr Poo's, still at work waiting for 4:30 to roll around?

Ok I will stop posting my shity old joke emails, I normally try doing a search before I post most things but the search function never brings anything up.

Sorry Mr Poo's I do apologise for wasting your time.

They are usefull when comic relief is needed, but otherwise they should all be in one thread.