Little Johnny

[SPman]

A teacher asks her class, "If there are 5 birds sitting on a fence and you shoot one of them, how many will be left?" She calls on little Johnny

He replies, "None, they will all fly away with the first gunshot."

The teacher replies, "The correct answer is 4, but I like your thinking."

Then little Johnny says, "I have a question for YOU. There are 3 women sitting on a bench having ice cream: One is delicately licking the sides of the triple scoop of ice cream. The second is gobbling down the top and sucking the cone. The third is biting off the top of the ice cream. Which one is married?"

The teacher, blushing a great deal, replies,"Well, I suppose the one that's gobbled down the top and sucked the cone."

To which Little Johnny replied, "The correct answer is 'the one with the wedding ring on,' but I like your thinking."

[SPman]

Little Johnny returns home from school and says he got an F in arithmetic.

"Why?" asks the father."

"The teacher asked, 'How much is 2x3?' I said 6," replied Johnny.

"But that's right!" says his dad.

"Yeah, but then she asked me, 'How much is 3x2?'"

"What's the fucking difference?" asks the father?

"That's what I said!"

[SPman]

Little Johnny goes to school, and the teacher says, "Today we are going to learn multi-syllable words, class. Does anybody have an example of a multi-syllable word?"

Johnny says " Mas-tur-bate."

Miss Rogers smiles and says, "Wow, little Johnny, that's a mouthful."

Little Johnny says, "No, Miss Rogers, you're thinking of a blowjob."



One day, during lessons on proper grammar, the teacher asked for a show hands from those who could use the word "beautiful" in the same sentence twice.

First she called on little Suzie, who responded with, "My father bought my mother a beautiful dress and she looked beautiful in it."

"Very good, Suzie," replied the teacher. She then called on little Michael.

"My mommy planned a beautiful banquet and it turned out beautifully."

The teacher responded, "Excellent, Michael!" Then, she reluctantly called on little Johnny
"Last night, at the dinner table, my sister told my father that she was pregnant, and he said "Beautiful, just fucking beautiful.

[Stirts]

Little Johnny woke up in the middle of the night and went to the bathroom. On the way back to bed, he passed his parents room. When he looked in, he noticed the covers bouncing. He called to his dad, "Hey Dad, what are you doing?" The dad answered, "Playing Cards". Little Johnny asked, "Whose your partner?" The dad answered, " Your mom".

Little Johnny then passed by his older sister's room. Again, he noticed the covers bouncing. He called to his sister, "Hey Sis, what are you doing?" The sister answered, "Playing Cards." Little Johnny asked, "Whose your partner?" She answered, "My boyfriend."

A little later, the Dad got up and went to the bathroom. As he passed Little Johnny's room, he noticed the covers bouncing. He called to his son, "what are you doing?" Little Johnny answered, "Playing Cards."
The Dad asked, "Really? Whose your partner?"
Little Johnny answered, "You don't need a partner if you have a good hand!"

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Teacher: Use "harassment" in a sentence.
Johnny: Her mouth said 'no', but her ass meant 'yes'..

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Johnny walks into school one day to find a substitute in place of his
regular teacher.
She says, "Hello class, I'm Mrs. Prussy. When you say my name class
remember it has an "r" after the first letter."
The entire class says, "Hello Mrs. Prussy."
A few days later the regular teacher is still sick. When Johnny gets to
his desk the teacher asks what her name is. Johnny thinks hard and the
says to the teacher, "I Remember it has an "R" after the first letter."
"That's right," she coaxed.
Then after a few seconds Johnny says, "Mrs. Crunt?"

[one fast tl1ooo]

Little Johnny's teacher noticed that he was sporting a black eye. She asked him what happened, and he replied, "Ma'am, you remember I told you how I sleep on the floor next to my parent's bed? Well, last night, my dad asked me if I was still awake, I said yes and then he punched me in the face."

"Ok, Johnny", the teacher said, trying to help, " the next time your dad asks you if you're still awake, don't answer, just lay still and pretend to be asleep."

All went well, until a few weeks later, Little Johnny came to class with another black eye. The teacher asked him why he didn't follow her advice.

Johnny explained, "Ma'am, I tried to, when dad asked me if I was awake, I kept quiet and lay really still, and pretended to be asleep, but then Dad said 'I'm coming', and Mom said 'I'm coming too', and I didn't want them to go anywhere without me, so I shouted, 'Let me just put on my slippers, I'm coming too' and that's when I got punched in the face."

[P38]

Little Johnny home from school where he learned this golden rule.

"If I eat up all this cake then Sis wont get a belly ache!"

[MSTRS:Me]

A grade three teacher is giving a lesson on nutrition, and she decides to ask her students what they had for breakfast. To add a spelling component, she asks the students to also spell their answers.

Susan puts up her hand and says she had an egg, "E-G-G". "Very good", says the teacher.

Peter says he had toast. "T-O-A-S-T". "Excellent."

Little Johnny has his hand up and the teacher reluctantly calls on him. "I had Bugger all", he says, "B-U-G-G-E-R-A-L-L". The teacher is mortified and scolds Johnny for his rude answer.

Later when the lesson turns to geography, she asks the students some rudimentary questions. Susan correctly identifies the Capital of Canada. Peter is able to tell her which ocean is off Canada's east coast.

When it's Little Johnny's turn, the teacher remembers his rude answer from the nutrition lesson, and decides to give him a very difficult question.

Johnny, she asks, "Where is the Pakistani border?" Johnny ponders the question and finally says, "The Pakistani border is in bed with my mother. That's why I got Bugger all for breakfast".

[avgas]

Johnny was the chemists son, but Johnny is no more.
What Johnny thought was H2O was H2SO4
(that little gem helped me pass 5th form chemistry)

[Stirts]

Little Johnny is sitting, being his cool self in the local park.
Along comes Suzi chomping on her piece of gum. "Hey Johnny, wanna play doctor?"

Johnny lets out a puff of smoke, "Nah, that's too old fashioned."

Johnny takes another drag, "Spit out your gum, I wanna play PRESIDENT!"

[Stirts]

Every day Little Johnny walks home from school past a 4th grade
girl's house. One day he is carrying a football and he stops to
taunt the little girl. He holds up the football and says,

"Hey Mary! See this football? Football is a boy's game and girls
can't have one!"

Little Mary runs into the house crying and tells her mother about
the encounter. Her mother immediately runs out and buys the girl
a football.

The next day, Johnny is riding home on his bike and Little Mary
shows him the football and yells, "Nyah nyah nyah nyah nyah!"

Little Johnny gets mad and points to his bike. "See this bike?
This is a boy's bike and girls can't have 'em!"

The next day, Johnny comes by and little Mary is riding a new
boy's bike. Now he is really mad. So he immediately drops his
pants, points at his diddle and says,

"You see THIS? Only BOYS have these and not even YOUR mother can
go out and buy you one!"

The next day as Johnny passes the house he asks little Mary,
"Well, what do you have to say NOW?"

She pulls up her dress and replies, "My mother told me that as
long as I have one of these, I can have as many of THOSE as I
want!"

[MSTRS:Me]

...and little Johnny replied "As long as I have ball bearings and a stick shift, I'll be able to run fast enough to catch as many of those as I like"

[MSTRS:Me]

Little Johnny is in the bath with his mum. He looks down between her legs and asks "What's that mummy?" She says "That's where your father hit me with an axe". He says "He must be a good shot he got you right in the cunt".