Little Johnny was sitting on the curb with a gallon of turpentine and shaking it up and watching all the bubbles. A little while later a Priest came along and asked the little Johnny what he had. The little boy replied,
"This is the most powerful liquid in the world, it's called turpentine."
The Priest said
"No, the most powerful liquid in the world is Holy Water. If you take some of this Holy Water and rub it on a pregnant women's belly, she'll pass a healthy baby."
Little Johnny replied,
"You take some of this here turpentine and rub it on a cat's arse and he'll pass a Harley Davidson."
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LITTLE JOHNNY & HIS PUSH BIKE
For his birthday Little Johnny asked for a 10-speed bicycle. His father said, "Son, we'd give you one, but the mortgage on this house is $80,000 and your mother just lost her job. There's no way we can afford it."
The next day the father saw Little Johnny heading out the front door with a suitcase. So he asked, "Son, where are you going?
Little Johnny told him, "I was walking past your room last night and I heard you tell mom you were pulling out. Then I heard her tell you to wait because she was coming too. And I'll be damned if I'm staying here by myself with an $80,000 mortgage and no fucking bike!
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LITTLE JOHNNY & MULTI-SYLLABLE WORDS
Little Johnny goes to school, and the teacher says, 'Today we are going
to learn multi-syllable words, class.
Does anybody have an example of a multi-syllable word?'
Little Johnny waves his hand, 'Me, Miss Rogers, me, me!'
Miss Rogers: All right, little Johnny, what is your multi-syllable word?'
Little Johnny says, 'Mas-tur-bate.'
Miss Rogers smiles and says, 'Wow, little Johnny, that's a mouthful.'
Little Johnny says, 'No, Miss Rogers, you're thinking of a blowjob."
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LITTLE JOHNNY, THE SMART ASS
A travelling salesman rings the doorbell and 10-year-old Little Johnny
answers, holding a beer and smoking a fat cigar.
The salesman says, "Little boy, is your mother home?"
Little Johnny taps his ash on the carpet and says, "What the fuck do you
think?"
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LITTLE JOHNNY ON SEX
Little Johnny walked into his dad's bedroom one day only to catch him
sitting on the side of his bed sliding a condom onto his penis in
preparation of sex with his wife. Johnny's father in attempt to hide his
full erection with a condom on it bent over as if to look under the bed.
Little Johnny asked curiously "What ya doin dad?" His father quickly
replied, "I thought I saw a rat go underneath the bed."
To which Little Johnny replied "What ya gonna do, fuck him?"
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LITTLE JOHNNY & MATH
Little Johnny returns from school and says he got an F in arithmetic.
"Why?" asks the father.
"The teacher asked 'How much is 2x3?' I said '6'"
"But that's right!"
"Then she asked me 'How much is 3x2?'"
"What's the fucking difference?" asks the father.
"That's what I said!
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LITTLE JOHNNY & THE BIKER
Little Johnny was walking down the street when a big Biker on a black motorcycle pulls up beside him and asks, "Hey kid, wanna go for a ride?
"No!" said Little Johnny and he kept on walking.
The Biker pulls up to him again and says, "Hey kid, I'll give you $10 if you hop on the back for a ride".
"No!, said Little Johnny and he proceeded down the street a little quicker.
The Biker pulls up again and says, "Hey kid , I'll give you $20 and a BIG bag of candy if you hop on the back for a ride".
At this point Little Johnny turns around to the Biker and screams angrily, "Look Dad, YOU bought the Kawasaki, so YOU fucking ride it!
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LITTLE JOHNNY & GRAMMAR
One day, during a lesson on proper grammar, the teacher asked for a show of hands from those who could use the word "Beautiful" in the same sentence twice.
Firstly she called on Suzy, who responded with "My father bought my mother a beautiful dress and she looked beautiful in it".
"Very Good, Suzy," replied the teacher.
She then called on Little Michael. "My mommy planned a beautiful banquet and it turned out beautifully," he said.
"Excellent, Michael"
Then, the teacher called on Little Johnny. "Last night, at the dinner table, my sister told my father that she was pregnant, and my father said, "Beautiful...just fucking beautiful !!!!!
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Originally Posted by DingDong
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