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Thread: Headlines

  1. 24th February 2006, 07:43 #1
    Korumba's Avatar
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    Headlines

    I have been sent this before (searched here but could not find) there are a few new ones I have not seen .

    Mods!!! Feel free to remove it if the "seen it before dudes" get upset!


    Crack Found on Governor's Daughter
    [Imagine that!]


    Something Went Wrong in Jet Crash, Expert Says
    [No, really?]

    Police Begin Campaign to Run Down Jaywalkers
    [Now that's taking things a bit far!]

    Is There a Ring of Debris around Uranus?
    [Not if I wipe thoroughly!]


    Panda Mating Fails; Veterinarian Takes Over
    [What a guy!]


    Miners Refuse to Work after Death
    [No-good-for-nothing' lazy so-and-so!]


    Juvenile Court to Try Shooting Defendant
    [See if that works any better than a fair trial!]


    War Dims Hope for Peace
    [I can see where it might have that effect!]


    If Strike Isn't Settled Quickly, It May Last Awhile
    [You think?]


    Cold Wave Linked to Temperatures
    [Who would have thought!]

    Enfield (London) Couple Slain; Police Suspect Homicide
    [They may be on to something!]


    Red Tape Holds Up New Bridges
    [You mean there's something stronger than duct tape?]


    Man Struck By Lightning: Faces Battery Charge
    [he probably IS the battery charge!]


    New Study of Obesity Looks for Larger Test Group
    [Weren't they fat enough?!]


    Astronaut Takes Blame for Gas
    In Spacecraft
    [That's what he gets for eating those beans!]



    Kids Make Nutritious Snacks
    [Taste like chicken?]


    Local High School Dropouts Cut in Half
    [Chainsaw Massacre all over again!]




    Hospitals are Sued by 7 Foot Doctors
    [Boy, are they tall!]



    And the winner is....

    Typhoon Rips Through
    Cemetery; Hundreds Dead
    "Ability hits the mark where presumption overshoots and diffidence falls short". Nicholas of Cusa
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  2. 24th February 2006, 11:26 #2
    Coyote's Avatar
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    Quote Originally Posted by Korumba
    Kids Make Nutritious Snacks
    [Taste like chicken?]
    Why did it take me a while to get that?

    Very funny
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  3. 24th February 2006, 12:49 #3
    Sniper's Avatar
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    Lol, most are new to me, thanks.
    To every man upon this earth
    Death cometh sooner or late
    And how can a man die better
    Than facing fearful odds
    For the ashes of his fathers
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  4. 24th February 2006, 14:21 #4
    Wolf's Avatar
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    Quote Originally Posted by Korumba
    Red Tape Holds Up New Bridges
    [You mean there's something stronger than duct tape?]
    Yep, and there's nothing stronger than Red Tape. Can't even cut through it. Good to see it's being used for something useful for once...
    Motorbike Camping for the win!
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  5. 19th July 2007, 13:21 #5
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    Headlines... Clever fuckers?

    Crack Found on Governor's Daughter
    [Imagine that!]

    Something Went Wrong in Jet Crash, Expert Says
    [No, really?]

    Police Begin Campaign to Run Down Jaywalkers
    [Now that's taking things a bit far!]

    Is There a Ring of Debris around Uranus?
    [Not if I wipe thoroughly!]

    Panda Mating Fails; Veterinarian Takes Over
    [What a guy!]

    Miners Refuse to Work after Death
    [No-good-for-nothing' lazy so-and-so!]

    Juvenile Court to Try Shooting Defendant
    [See if that works any better than a fair trial!]

    War Dims Hope for Peace
    [I can see where it might have that effect!]

    If Strike Isn't Settled Quickly, It May Last Awhile
    [You think?]

    Enfield (London) Couple Slain; Police Suspect Homicide
    [They may be on to something!]

    Red Tape Holds Up New Bridges
    [You mean there's something stronger than duct tape?]

    Man Struck By Lightning: Faces Battery Charge
    [he probably IS the battery charge!]

    New Study of Obesity Looks for Larger Test Group
    [Weren't they fat enough?!]

    Astronaut Takes Blame for Gas in Spacecraft
    [That's what he gets for eating those beans!]

    Kids Make Nutritious Snacks
    [Taste like chicken?]

    Local High School Dropouts Cut in Half
    [Chainsaw Massacre all over again!]

    And the winner is....

    Typhoon Rips Through Cemetery; Hundreds Dead
    No body move... I dropped my brain
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  6. 19th July 2007, 19:28 #6
    Hitcher's Avatar
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    "Rooting pig shot in Karori. PM safe" takes a lot of beating. (A late 1970s headline in the Evening Post)
    "Standing on your mother's corpse you told me that you'd wait forever." [Bryan Adams: Summer of 69]
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  7. 20th July 2007, 07:45 #7
    Sniper's Avatar
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    Stirts, as is the custom of the QRF, you get a warning. The QRF have recieved the midgets back from the BDOTGNZA and are wanting to be let out again.

    Use the search button

    http://www.kiwibiker.co.nz/forums/sh...ash#post521419
    To every man upon this earth
    Death cometh sooner or late
    And how can a man die better
    Than facing fearful odds
    For the ashes of his fathers
    And the temples of his Gods
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  8. 20th July 2007, 11:50 #8
    Stirts's Avatar
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    poos....I did a farken search
    No body move... I dropped my brain
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  9. 20th July 2007, 16:54 #9
    Toaster's Avatar
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    Quote Originally Posted by Stirts View Post
    poos....I did a farken search
    you are sooooo busted!
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  10. 16th February 2008, 23:04 #10
    Bren's Avatar
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    Thumbs up Best 2007 newspaper headlines... Real funny IMHO

    Once again thanks to my Dad for emailing me this shit

    YEAR'S BEST [actual] HEADLINES OF 2007:
    Crack Found on Governor's Daughter
    [Imagine that!]

    Something Went Wrong in Jet Crash, Expert Says
    [No, really?]

    Police Begin Campaign to Run Down Jaywalkers
    [Now that's taking things a bit far!]

    Is There a Ring of Debris around Uranus?
    [Not if I wipe thoroughly!]

    Panda Mating Fails; Veterinarian Takes Over
    [What a guy!]

    Miners Refuse to Work after Death
    [No-good-for-nothing' lazy so-and-so!]

    Juvenile Court to Try Shooting Defendant
    [See if that works any better than a fair trial!]

    War Dims Hope for Peace
    [I can see where it might have that effect!]

    If Strike Isn't Settled Quickly, It May Last Awhile
    [You think?]

    Cold Wave Linked to Temperatures
    [Who would have thought!]

    Enfield (London) Couple Slain; Police Suspect Homicide
    [They may be on to something!]

    Red Tape Holds Up New Bridges
    [You mean there's something stronger than duct tape?]

    Man Struck By Lightning: Faces Battery Charge
    [he probably     IS the battery charge!]

    New Study of Obesity Looks for Larger Test Group
    [Weren't they fat enough?!]

    Astronaut Takes Blame for Gas
    in Spacecraft
    [That's what he gets for eating those beans!]

    Kids Make Nutritious Snacks
    [Taste like chicken?]

    Local    High School Dropouts Cut in Half
    [Chainsaw Massacre all over again!]

    Hospitals are Sued by 7 Foot Doctors
    [Boy, are they tall!]

    And the winner is....

    Typhoon Rips Through
    Cemetery; Hundreds Dead

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  11. 17th February 2008, 06:50 #11
    deanohit's Avatar
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    Thats last one,
    "I came into this game for the action, the excitement... go anywhere, travel light,... get in, get out,... wherever there's trouble, a man alone... Now they got the whole country sectioned off; you can't make a move without a form."

    Paved roads are just another example of wasted tax payer dollars.
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  12. 17th February 2008, 08:51 #12
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    Very funny! I can always rely on kb to give me a laugh; thanks!
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  13. 17th February 2008, 09:51 #13
    Beemer's Avatar
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    I have seen this listed as the best newspaper headlines of 2005, 2006, 2007 - seems they just reprise it every year.
    Yes, I am pedantic about spelling and grammar so get used to it!
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  14. 17th February 2008, 16:27 #14
    Hitcher's Avatar
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    I suspect these were the best headlines of some year prior to the invention of the Internet. Sigh.
    "Standing on your mother's corpse you told me that you'd wait forever." [Bryan Adams: Summer of 69]
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  15. 25th May 2010, 14:32 #15
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    Well, no wonder reading is a dying art - the text is white on white, it's a bit hard to read!
    Redefining slow since 2006...
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